you’re doing pretty good at this parenting kids from hard places gig…..

• felt safety: making the child feel boundaries and safety even when afraid – check
• give the child choices and control – check
• make them feel heard – we have nightly talk times to make sure they process all of the feelings from their days – check
• increasing gratitude by talking about it and praising their behaviors/efforts often – check
• advocate for them, especially in school when successes happen differently than for other students – check
• gaining tools and training as parents so that we can provide the best care possible for our child – check
• understanding their behavior as strengths they possessed to stay safe in their previous trauma and to choose our battles in discipline – check

AND even then….your child from a hard place can still break your heart into a million pieces and send you into a delirious, anxious, basket case by running away from your safe home and changing the course of your own felt safety as a parent forever and ever.

About a week ago, with my husband half a world away, I got a phone call at midnight from the police who had WonderGIRL at a gas station downtown after she escaped from our home (and the new dozens of windows and doors that we hadn’t thought we needed to alarm). First of all, I am super thankful that WG is pretty small, thus altering a concerned citizen to call the police about a “little girl walking in the dark.” Second of all, I am extremely proud of the police officers who didn’t believe WG’s first story claiming her previous last name and who her guardian was. They took extra effort in charging her dead cell phone and calling the person listed as Mama to reach me and although that phone call shook me to my core, I am thankful they found me at all.

I lived in fear and in tears for that entire first week….kept both kiddos in my room at night and barricaded the doors. I lost my patience at least 73 times a day as my fuse was short and the actual amount of time I could sleep was even shorter. I wondered how we would make it through these teenage years alive if her only complaint about our family was that “she had rules” would compel her to put herself into extreme danger without a thought in her head of another option during that particular day and night.

And now that we are a week out with my husband who flew home early from his mission trip, a ton of prayers gifted to us from our inner-circle tribe, and a team of devoted mental health professionals and doctors that have spoon-fed me next steps – I am at a place to give up this situation to my greater power and trust that HE will HAVE to take this on, because I, alone cannot prevent everything harmful from happening to my not-so-little WonderGIRL. She has to go through the lectures and the restrictions…..she has to endure the extra security system on her doors and windows and the safety plan of escorts at her school…..she has to feel guilty about seeing her parents in tears more than ever before…..and all in my hopes that she will remember this experience as one she never wants to repeat again.

I am sure I will have more to process on this later – but I appreciate your supportive words and prayers offered through my Facebook page and you continued love and support for our little, messy family as we navigate new, deep, and treacherous waters. Although I am grieving the loss of an innocence I once believed my WonderGIRL to have, I also know I need to grow right alongside her and widen my understanding of her brain and trauma so I can keep her safe and guide her towards a productive life in the future. I also have faith that we will get to look back at this experience and remember how far we have come…..together.