Tag Archives: wellness

On my personal development READS

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Not all therapy happens in a therapist’s office…..I have relied on reading for personal development, self-awareness, and reflection during my morning routines for the past 2 years – all leading to what I hope turns into a better version of myself. It’s been amazing and I have learned sometimes a little and sometimes a lot from the books I’ve read. In case you’re wanting to read a bit more this 2020, I’m going to leave one line from what I remember/took away from each book here.

So much enlightenment in one STACK!!!

White Fragility – My own privilege and racism is here whether I like it or not.
The Path Made Clear – So many seasons of life and so many different reflections and guidance needed at each one.
Becoming – Inspired by her boss-ness, independence, and drive.
Blind Spot – Haven’t read it yet but always trying to fill in the blanks of what I might not know about myself and others.
No Fail Meetings – Stop having sucky meetings. The end.
Leadershift – New leadership requires serving, not dragging along behind you.
The 5 Second Rule – Stop waiting….5-4-3-2-1 do it.
Scoot Over and Make Some Room – Everything in my family will be figured out, including how many kiddos come in and out of our doors and hearts, no matter their needs.
The Body Keeps the Score – Trauma IS a diagnosis, IS NOT being treated the way it should be, AND explains so much of our mental health, education, and general system dysfunctions. *If you have been anywhere around me this year, I’m sure I’ve recommended this one….MUST READ trauma mamas and papas and educators and doctors and social workers and therapists, ETC.
The Moment of Lift – Get me around powerful and passionate women and let’s change the world together (inspired one of my 2020 goals to do this)!!
Quantum Wellness – Intentional eating, intentional everything having to do with my body – but it doesn’t take a grandiose plans…..multiple tiny steps creates massive impact.
What Happened to My Child – Opened my eyes and brain to PANS/PANDAS and cemented my love and inspiration I find constantly in my friend Heather, the author.

  • Still inspired by flipping through this!!!
  • Enneagram nerds unite!!!

What other inspirational reads do I need to add to my list?? Let me know in the comments!

On my new toy

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As some of you know, me and fitness/exercise have somewhat of a complicated history. Because of some history with disordered eating and exercise, I have to be careful with this element of my wellness. What that has looked like in the past couple of years is a complete lack of motivation and any energy around my physical fitness, which has been nagging at me as I strive to be my best self.

While I do keep myself healthy with essential oils and moderation in eating habits, I have only actually sweat from physical activity less than 5 times this entire year (kind of embarrassing to admit as a COACH, but real all the same).

After some research and talking to trusted friends and loved ones that own a Peloton, I decided to save my oil gig paychecks for this beauty to grace our household and help me change this narrative of fitness in my world.

Even though I am posting this in the cloud of New Years’ Resolutions and what not, I am actually 3 weeks in and I am already quite in love and obsessed. The instructors are inspiring, funny, entertaining (makes me forget how hard I’m working). Everyone in my family can use it and enjoy the rides. I also love that I can throw on Netflix and take a scenic ride at the same time, which really appeals to my love of multi-tasking.

The Peloton company and app of course have everything dialed in as far as keeping you accountable and giving people with a competitive edge (me, enneagram 3 in full force here) goals, achievements and personal records to go after.

A lot of people have messaged me and asked how I like it so far and if you have any specific questions, just message me and I’d love to answer them. I really haven’t heard one negative thing about it (besides some not using it enough for whatever reasons….) from people that have had theirs much longer than me.

And of course, I have a referral code for $100 in free accessories if you’re interested in saving a bit of money when ready to jump to the dark side!!!

I am ready to take on some major fitness goals in 2020 (major, as in, break a sweat more than 5 times in a calendar year) with this tool….and will hopefully document that journey here when I can!!!

On the “trend” that is Essential Oils….

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My Journey
I became super interested in essential oils as I began researching recipes to create my own non-toxic cleaners for our house in the Spring of 2014. After being disturbed by loving a documentary one of my bestie’s worked on called The Human Experiment, I knew I wanted to eliminate these toxic chemicals from our home. When almost every recipe I found included essential oils, I decided to invest in a starter kit.What I didn’t know at that time was that the oils I received were not only going to help make the cleaners, they were going to explode in usage for emotions and multiple other ailments and struggles within our newly formed family of 4! I would have saved a whole lot of money in that first investment if I would have splurged for a bigger kit now that I know how much I ended up using and buying later for more money. You live you learn right…….What’s all the fuss about Essential Oils?
Did you know that the first prescription ever recorded was for frankincense oil? The second was for peppermint oil. There is so much natural medicine at our disposal, we just have to know where to look. Some of the mostly widely used medications today were originally sourced from plants. By using essential oils we are simply remembering the things many people and cultures have used for thousands of years. Returning to ancient solutions where caretakers used the pure essential part of plants, trees and vegetation to help with stomach ailments to sleep apnea and everything in between… solutions that don’t have a long list of side effects or warning labels.

Essential oils don’t just mask symptoms. They bring change to the body at a cellular level, dealing with the root issue and supporting your system as a whole. Because of legalities, I can’t tell you that oils will “cure, treat or prevent” issues you may be facing, but I can give you testimonies (many from me and my family) about how oils have been life-changing.  I want to help mamas like me, and others, create a healthy home life for their families in a modern way using sources that have been around for ages.

I also think the oils are an incredibly powerful tool in helping all members of your family navigate emotional highs and lows. In our culture, anxiety is not a disorder that some people have…..I believe that most people are on a spectrum of emotional wellness and that we all struggle with anxiety/depression/fears. Sharing the oils has helped reduce stigma with my immediate circle of friends and family but also to women and mamas that I newly get to meet…..strong emotions are normal in you and your children!!! And when they strike…..some of the oils and blends are here to help ground and support you as you cope (plus I get to talk about Inside Out – and you all know how much I love that movie).

What ARE the side effects???
I can tell you that I HAVE experienced some side effects from using the oils……like an amazing and growing circle of passionate women and people that love to help others AND some extra spending money just by hosting classes and educating others on how the oils might help them too. My family chooses to save and use this extra money on family memory-making vacations like our Spring break “traincation” two years ago and most recently, it helped pay for half of our very merry Disney Cruise-mas. This side gig has helped me live out my “why” in ways that go beyond my school counseling and coaching professions and has expanded into influencing my social circle and supports as well. So grateful…..

Want to know more or ask me some questions??? Fill out this quick form and we’ll go from there!

P.S. I love to send free samples – tell me what and where and they’ll at your door to try from the safety of your own home within days!

On what they need to see in a marriage….

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As I have talked about multiple times on the blog, my sweet husband and I’s relationship has been a blessed but rocky road of overcoming many things (as many marriages are). We began seeking counseling before we were married and continue to work on our relationship and our own baggage and trust issues from childhood.

Now that our marriage is an example for our children heading into the real world, I constantly reflect on what we are showcasing to them on a daily basis and whether or not it will help or hurt them build a solid long-lasting relationship to start their own families.

And at the beginning of our placement with the Wonders, I would feel soooo guilty about any fighting or arguing that happened in front of the kiddos. They would hear our snarky voices or us walking away from each other in anger…..or they would observe our passive aggressive actions and comments that we tried to disguise in “adult language.” We would try and include them in the restore and forgiveness stage of this conflict so they could learn that arguing doesn’t always lead to someone leaving (a message engrained in their minds and hearts from childhood) but sometimes I still wondered if it was ruining their hopes of this new family environment being perfect in every way for them.

But OUR wonders may need to see something different than other children who have been raised in a healthily attached home. Just like our relationship is burdened with triggers and ghosts from a traumatic childhood, theirs will be too. They will struggle with trusting their partner, crippled with fear that something bad is always going to happen, unable to enjoy a positive period because of that imminent fear…..and these things will drain them and their partner be harmful to their relationship IF they don’t know any ways to get through this.

What I hope and pray they see in our marriage is:
– as many “I forgive you’s” as apologies
– even when mean words are said, we restore and come back together
– no one ever leaves (and if they do, it’s a coping strategy and they always come back)
– daily choosing to commit to their partner no matter what they have been through (and multiple home decor signs documenting this just in case we forget – wink wink)
– respectful language around feelings and actions, not blaming and accusations
– this relationship is HARD WORK…..and that hard work needs to happen often for it to survive
– tears and strong feelings mean the relationship is important, not that that the relationship is doomed to end
– non-perfect people make non-perfect marriages –> and imperfection means a huge need for communication, emotional coping skills, and forgiveness

Why I ❤️ counseling….

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….and not just because it’s my chosen and beloved profession. Counseling has so many mixed stigmas around its purpose, the techniques used behind those closed confidential doors, and its perceived effectiveness. Today I wanted to demystify the process just in case people out there are curious, in need, struggling and don’t know if seeking a counselor might be the next step.

Both of my little wonders have been in counseling the entirety of their stay with us. Some of their therapists have been amazing, others have been nice but not effective for what they needed at that exact time. And that’s okay and part of the process.

My husband sees a counselor and about very other session, I get to join him for couples’ sessions. This work has been going on since before we were married and I can honestly say I have no idea if we would have been able to do this foster parenting gig without the help of our counselor focusing on us and our marriage throughout the journey. Most of the time, it just feels like we meet up with an old and endlessly supportive friend to digest our weeks, our victories, and our struggles…..it also gives us a chance to bring up sensitive topics and challenges so that we can hash them out with a “mediator” of sorts to keep things moving in a positive direction. At times, I will hold some of my nagging comments about negative behaviors until our meeting, so I can make sure that I am saying them in an effective and healthy way versus an angry, impatient way.

I hear so many comments and perceptions about counseling from my friends and family that are true with some therapists, but certainly not all! The trick is finding a good fit with personality, techniques used in your sessions, and the amount of work being suggested outside of regular sessions. Just like in real life relationships, you have to trust and be comfortable before growing and changing so this “fit” is absolutely vital. And I always tell people, give it a few sessions to assess the fit and then you can always change therapists…..but don’t just give up when the first doesn’t work!!!  Myth #1 – Talk therapy doesn’t work
I am going to call this myth only HALF true/false. Talk therapy really WON’T work if you don’t want it to. If you are resistant to your counselor’s feedback about some potential behavior patterns and roadblocks that might be in the way of your true wellness in life or relationships, then counseling probably won’t work for you….but only at that time/season in your life. Resistance to change is a natural part of the growth process so instead of feeling defeated by this, just know it will pass and keep counseling as an option for when you do feel ready. The point of therapy is for a completely neutral party to reflect back to you some possible changes that need to be made in your daily routines, communication, or chosen environments.

Myth #2 – Counseling means I can’t fix (insert problem) on my own.
Can any of us fix 100% of our own problems on our own? Definitely not. Do all of us need support when we are attempting to fix some things standing in our way? Absolutely – because it’s really frickin’ hard to change!!!! Counseling is not a magic wand that will magically make your struggles disappear as soon as you enter the office. What it does insert into your life is a support person that has no preconceived notions of why you’re there, no knowledge/background of your past/family/personality and is SIMPLY hearing you. Hearing what you bring to the table…..peeling back the onion layers of thoughts and justifications that you have placed on specific events/people/behaviors…..and then helping you take steps (big or small) towards a life that you imagine could be possible for you. As human beings, we are wired to be connected to each other – that is why we mirror the way someone stands when we are talking with them or start breathing in tandem with our children while we lay in bed with them at night. No one is meant to do this life alone…..

Myth #3 – Why would I pay someone when I can just complain to my friends?
Friends are amazing and such a positive addition to anyone’s life and there is absolutely no denying that. And I hope that many of you are lucky enough to have some friends that can challenge you and push you forward in your life to be your best self. They can ask certain questions to pull out your true feelings and beliefs about certain topics and then can fully support you as you move forward. But even with those amazingly supportive friends, they still have some biases and possibly tainted “filters” on hard conversations you might have to participate in. Loving you means they may not say what needs to be said. Challenging you might mean that they themselves are put in a less than ideal position (conflicts between mutual relationships, for example). So keep those friends close….and use them for support, positive energy, fun! And acknowledge that some of their support and words may hold some natural bias…..mostly from loving you and just wanting you to be happy/healthy. A counselor wants those same things, but provides a safe environment to reflect and change some things that might be holding you back.

Myth #4 – They just sit in the office and play games for an hour with my son/daughter.
As a school counselor, this is the statement I hear the most from parents. And yes, I agree that sitting in the counseling office playing games is not effective for children but only IF playing games is the only thing going on. What many parents don’t know is that counselors (me included) use common childhood games to connect with kiddos AND give them a safe space to answer our questions. Sitting face to face with a stranger and answering questions about their feelings and family is daunting….to adults and even more so to children. So sitting side-by-side and playing a game is much less intimidating and lets the child know that you are on their “team” and want them to feel safe and supported in your office.

Here is a great real-life example of playing games with children:
Some parents/teachers might see me playing the game Candyland with my students. But what they might not know is that I have different categories associated with each color and the student gets to tell me one thing each time they draw a certain color (or two if they are lucky enough to get a double color card). For example, if the category for red is “family”, when Suzy Student pulls a red card, before she can move, she gets to tell me one thing about her family. This is a great way to build rapport with children because they don’t even know they are in a meaningful conversation – they just think they’re playing a fun game!

But with this myth, I want to follow up with this – as a parent, make sure you know the specific goals that your child is working on in counseling. It is your right to ask about the goals and see if progress is being made. It is also completely normal (and welcomed by most therapists) for you to ask how YOU can help support those goals at home (reminders of strategies, “homework challenges” to try at home, etc.). It might not be as acceptable to ask the counselor everything that the child said in session or to ask the counselor to get a certain “story” or “lie” out during a session. Protecting confidentiality with a counselor is key in letting the child feel safe and protected in the space and time of the counseling process.

When my Wonders come out of their sessions, I ask them two questions –
1. “Is there anything you want to share with me from counseling?”
2. “What do you need right now to transition back to (school/home/family time)?”

These questions let them know I care about what they talked about, I’m not going to ask them a million questions about what they said, and I acknowledge they might have talked about some hard stuff and need some extra coping strategies or time to transition back.

Wow – I wasn’t expecting to write this much but I desperately want people to know that counseling can only help a situation/family….rarely does it hurt or send someone backwards. But the best way for it to “work” and produce positive outcomes is for the individual to be open and honest in WANTING to move forward. If you are there and need some places to start looking, please visit my school webpage for a great one-stop shop of many phone number and websites that you can start exploring to start your counseling journey.