I wrote this post last year after Covid stole a tournament from us the year before and I had a new appreciation for it. It’s funny because I have almost identical pictures from this year and thought it deserved it’s own moment in my 40th year documentation.
The sacred-ness of state – last year’s post
This year’s photos:
For my 40th birthday party, I thought it would be fun to challenge my loved ones to dress like their favorite “me.” There are a whole lot of personalities and looks to choose from across the last 4 decades and I loved seeing what folks came up with!
The ironic thing about this party is I actually LOATHE theme and dress up parties but luckily, I got to put very little effort into how I dressed and way more interested in the looks of others. Scott says this type of party is his worst nightmare (especially people looking through old photos of himself – haha), but for an Enneagram 3 like me – it was perfection and led to a whole lot of laughter!
We had so much fun and I so appreciated everyone’s efforts in celebrating me and making me feel oh so loved for my 40th birthday.
Thank you to all of you who attended, sent your love even if you couldn’t and took time out of your days to wish me a happy birthday. I can’t wait to celebrate some other peeps’ 40th and beyond birthdays in the coming year!
As most of you are aware, I’m a pretty strict volleyball coach (out of love and competitiveness of course). Once practice starts, players are only allowed to talk about volleyball and we stay pretty focused on what we need to do during the two hour block of time we get to grow our skills physically and mentally.
And then at other times, outside of the gym, I get to know these players on a much deeper level. I hear about their interests, their life dreams and goals, questions and wonderings about our world, and of course some romantic relationship problems come up from time to time.
As a mom and educator, I really value these “in between” times of being a coach. We spend a lot of time driving in these cozy vans and other hours at all of our teammates’ houses (thank you by the way!!!) for team dinner once a week. I hope their families appreciate other caring adults speaking encouragement and life lessons to their children and I hope the players at some point in their adult life, think back to some of these conversations as critical points in an important decision or problem solving situation they will ultimately face after their career as an athlete in high school is over.
Yesterday during our van ride home, players were asking me about foster care and my experiences and per usual the comment came up, “I can’t imagine being that attached to the kids and then they leave your family.” To which I replied very genuinely, becoming attached to other humans and then letting them go is a CENTRAL part of the human experience that everyone experiences. I become deeply attached to both my players and my students for a few years at a time, and then we let them go to a new chapter and new adults to attach to. I cherish watching them from afar on their social medias or updates from their parents and I hold my pride for them always for what they gave to our volleyball program when they were at FHS.
One of the biggest lessons I have learned as I get older and have moments of attachment is to APPRECIATE the moments right there, in the present, while they are happening knowing this break in attachment will come someday. So full circle –> this conversation happened last night in our van ride home, which made me appreciate those sometimes very long van rides after a very long day of volleyball to which I can now include in my 40 moments blog adventure! Love it when that happens…..
From the moment I can remember being a kid, I was both competitive and involved in some type of athletics. Until I became too tall, it was gymnastics. Until everyone (myself included) realized I couldn’t catch or throw a ball, it was softball. From middle school on, I was on all the teams. Volleyball, basketball and track (field to be specific) were the final three that lasted through high school.
My identity was very much wrapped up in this athletic life….practice and game schedules, the friends I hung out with, what clothes I wore….all of it really stemmed from what sport I was playing at the time. Although I wasn’t a star by any means, I did find success in specific sports and really appreciated the leadership potential my coaches saw in me.
This success led to recruitment from WSU to join the rowing team. Being a D1 athlete was both a privilege (my favorite perk: laundry service!) and a hardship. I felt a lot of pressure to perform and rise above my teammates without any prior experience at the actual sport….and I also wasn’t all that great, which was a hard pill for me to swallow at the time.
After choosing not to continue my crew career and focusing on a job (and let’s be honest, my social life) my sophomore year, I started to struggle. Without the scheduling boundaries, a coach to guide and mentor me, and my body/emotions resetting after going 200% for years – I started to struggle with extreme body dysmorphia and developed an eating disorder that took its toll both physically and emotionally. For me, this looked like restricted dieting and way too many hours exercising at our rec center on campus (even to the point of me going 3 times per day for 1-2 hours at a time).
Eventually, I was able to find a balance for myself but knowing what I know now as a professional, I was definitely experiencing what is now known as post-athlete depression. My struggles with self-worth and my body would continue for years, but ultimately made better by maturity, my own control over exercise and dieting, and my supportive social network.
My own experiences have helped me prepare my own senior athletes for this very transition – many of my players get to go on and play college volleyball. But for others, high school is where their status of “athlete” ends. I encourage them to prepare for that transition mindfully. To think about what body movement brings them joy. To create a schedule that feels good to them and surround themselves with others who love and support them, no matter what they look like, what they eat or what kind of exercise routines they participate in. Just exposing them to the struggle of the transition is more than I had knowledge of at the time and I hope that this critical conversation can help them navigate it more healthier than I did.
To parents of teenage athletes, a few things to remember –
1. Their success in sports will be more tied to their emotional health than their physical health. Which one should you be checking in on more?
2. Let the coach coach. What they need from you is a protective and safe buffer that keeps out the pressure and the competition, not adding more on.
3. Monitor their eating, sleep, mental health closely – do you notice any changes? Extra workouts? Less food at dinner? Avoiding meal times altogether?
4. Talk to them about MORE than just sports…..what are their other interests and hobbies? What else can they do in their summer and free time besides training? Maybe you can do it together!!!
*My parents (and every single coach I had) were incredibly supportive of me as an athlete and did not necessarily do anything to put extra pressure on me – nor do I blame them for any of what I developed in college, as they tried to stay connected and I isolated what information they received. My pressure definitely came from myself and an unnecessary need to compare myself to others. But per usual, I like to use my hard stories for good and for prevention, so by sharing my story, I hope you can be more mindful with your own kiddos or athletes that you mentor.
I am approximately 6 years late to the Tik Tok world….and I’m well aware of my failings as an elder millennial on that piece. I started dabbling during volleyball season this past year and enjoyed the creativity of creating silly videos for the 80-100 folks that were following me at the time.
Vball tik tok
Then I made a small bet incentive for one of my students….if she met some specific goals, I would agree to a TT with her. I posted this on a Friday afternoon and by the following Monday, the video had over 100,000 views! She (and I) were shocked…viral Tik Tok
And then something crazy happened – folks started following me and then watching my old videos. And then those caught on. I loved seeing other teacher creators’ content on the app and also got excited about spreading some “trauma informed schools” knowledge in this space. And slowly but surely….two months later and we’re here at over 5,000 followers (and actually by the time I’m posting this a week later, now over 6,500 followers):
And before you think I’m all serious school counselor-y on the app, let me leave you with my latest video that was just for fun and made me smile (just to myself). Bridgerton Tik Tok
And also, feel free to follow me. As long as you fully acknowledge I am posting this content for strangers only (and if you bring any of my craziness up in person, I will deny it). You’re signing up for a whole lot about school counseling and kids with trauma and a teeny tiny bit of life (if I can convince WB to join me).
Many people don’t know this, but prior to receiving the head coaching gig at FHS, I had firm plans to move down to Vancouver, Washington to start my counseling career down there. Chelsey’s impact on my life and the love and family feel of my hometown during this time changed my mind and my course forever…..and for that and to her, I am so incredibly grateful.
April 2018
An excerpt from this blog post talking about a former player of mine, Chelsey Rae Ebert, who suffered and died from terminal cancer her sophomore year of high school (my first year as head volleyball coach at FHS).
This experience (her illness, being in community with her, being asked to speak at her funeral, etc.) still is one of the largest motivators I have to continue coaching 17 years later. Each year before our Fall season, I spend some quiet time at her gravesite to set intentions and remember that the relationships I build and foster each season far outweighs our record, our successes or any trophy.
I’ve gotten a few messages from folks receiving our Christmas card checking in on us (thank you btw), where I expressed how hard it was for me to send the card knowing our family was in a state of crisis healing. But what I loved about the creation of the card was going through an entire year of photos and remembering some bright moments that occurred (darn it anxious feelings for taking those away from my frontal lobe).
A few other unexpected JOYS from this year:
This season marked our 8th straight trip to the state tournament. And NOT having it last season made me appreciate it just a bit more. Per usual, self-reflection is my self-care so I thought I would put a few thoughts about this special sacred time into writing (without sharing some secrets that make it extra special for future Ferndale players). And although the true definition of sacred has to do with something religious or a specific deity, I am describing state as something sacred, because it is something worthy of being HONORED….so here we go.
The most obvious thing that makes this time the “most wonderful time of the year” is that only a small number of teams actually make it here – playing into November, placing in the top teams at Districts and then coming to a location far from home to battle it out with other top teams is the icing on what was already a successful season. It’s celebrating the hours of grit and grind (and boards and EYP’s and Texas Tough drills) in the gym and making each ounce of individual effort worth it for the collective good and success of the TEAM.
The less obvious “sacred” things that stood out to me specifically this year are the traditions, both big and small, that older players know but don’t share (kind of like Santa but for a sports team) to the youngers. It’s the community and family rallies at the send-off and homecoming. The fans showing up across the state and caring about nothing else but your success. It’s the nighttime team meetings where we squish into the coaches’ room, play silly games, then review game plans for the next day (including the dreaded breakfast wake up call). And all the other little moments in between (see a few in picture form below).
And on a personal note, one of my favorite parts of state weekend is getting my entire coaching staff to MYSELF (okay to the varsity squad) for the whole time. While my JV and C team coaches have their own teams to invest in, it’s a bit of “passing ships in the night” during the season so getting them on the bench and around in practice sessions is the best. I am so lucky to constantly have a crew of caring and oh-so-knowledgeable coaches leading this program and the state tournament is our last hoorah together – being with folks that make me laugh and that I trust with the players on and off the court is something I don’t take for granted.
Last summer the world was shut down as the Pandemic raged. This summer, life is opening back up and we are resuming previously scheduled events. Although I enjoyed the slower pace and focus on family last summer, there are certain things that I didn’t realize I missed so much until I go to do them again this year.
One of those events is our FHS volleyball kids camp – bringing in the youngest volleyballers and opening up our gym doors and our players’ hearts to the community is such a time of joy. My players have always done an amazing job of not only teaching volleyball skills, but increasing confidence in the campers AND creating joy for the sport. In our town, kiddos play soccer basically out of the womb, so exposing them to a different sport is always a highlight for me personally.
My favorite parts:
Day 2 – dress up days
Watching my high schoolers experience the joys and struggles of coaching. Responses to “what did you learn about coaching”, they said…..
– you need lots and lots of patience
– picking teams was hard!
– clear and more clear communication
– pride when seeing them succeed
Creative drills to focus on volleyball skills – usually we do a candy challenge to practice passing to target. This year, campers got to play with the “all the rage” pop-its. And then the high schoolers were obsessed and wouldn’t put them down.
My last favorite – while the high schoolers coach, I get to connect with my coaching staff and plan/dream about the upcoming season. I seriously have a rock star of a team right now and am so thankful for their passion and love for our program.
Receiving messages from campers’ parents confirms how much this camp can do for our community and for individual campers –
“_____ had SUCH a blast. Thank you so much for you and the girls hosting. In the car she was like “wow….mom…I can’t wait until I get to high school. I’m going to play volleyball.” You guys made such an impact not here girls. Please host more!”
“_______ had a great time. Her confidence in her serve really improved and she is so excited to try out for her middle school team this year.”
Wow – it is pretty amazing to think this month marked one year since school (and the community) shut down to slow down the spread of Covid-19. We were in a dark place within our family this time last year….so I’m happy to look back on March 2021 with some positive and happy memories of life together with others.
Celebrating our last home game and our two very special seniors, Jamie and Libby. Nothing was normal for these two as they had to sacrifice many senior traditions due to Covid – but not this one. Our entire program contributed to make their night super special – that ended with a big win against Nooksack, their last memory at our home court.
Our first camping trip of the season – these sunsets, admiring WonderBOY growing and maturing while we chat at the fires, time to slow down, read and cuddle with our camping kitties.
I got to cash in two gift certificates to a local small-business, Kara’s Beauty Barn, and enjoyed the most delightful facial (and took advantage for their sauna)….perfect relaxing reward for the end of volleyball season!
And the official pick up for her cap and gown on the last day of March….in WonderGIRL’s words, “Well this makes it real now.”
