I’ve been hesitant to write this post for a number of reasons but also am motivated to write this post for a number of different reasons. Some of my blog posts have become markers in time where I can read and experience the emotions that have faded over time – the lessons learned and meaning made from those moments are so important for both growth and gratitude moving forward.

My current goal when synthesizing all that I have endured this year is ACCEPTANCE – in particular, “to use my pain as a source of information about what matters most to me, and then to act on it” (from ACT “core processes” by Dr. Steven Hayes). One step in that acceptance for me is reviewing the timeline of this year to see both the JOYS and the absolute SORROW that made up my 2023. I am sure more processing will come for some of these events but for now I will just simply list and add a few snippets/photos as I see fit. Here we go….

January
– Taking WonderBOY to his first Seahawks game
– A week into this year, I was informed that I (as coach) was being investigated for bullying due to parent complaints by my school district
– Bestie’s 40th birthday celebration in Chelan
– Traveled 1-on-1 with WB to Stanford to see my bestie and catch a basketball game

February
– Participated in my investigation interview with third party
– Traveled to Vegas for Pooh’s birthday
– School Counseling conference with so many lovely people I adore

March
– Facilitated a school-wide response for community tragedy in area
– Unexpected death of a dear friend from graduate school
– WonderGIRL got married (my experience of this was complicated at best)
– Contract not renewed for coaching due to “results of the third party report” (see June events) and “going in a different direction”
(ALL 4 of these events happened within 10 days of each other – enter depression/anxiety like I’ve never experienced before)

April
– News article becomes public with commentary flowing freely on the internet
– Shania Twain concert with brother and sis-in-law

May
– Travel to Mexico for my cousin’s beautiful wedding and time with family

June
– First time in 18 years NOT coaching Spring/Summer volleyball
– Year 16 of school counseling comes to a close working alongside an amazing staff and T
– Fire family and in-law camping trips
– Received written reports from third party investigation deeming allegations NOT SUBSTANTIATED (3 months after being fired for said reports)

July
– Took WonderGIRL to Vegas for her 21st birthday
– Another bestie turns 40 and celebrates in Whatcom County
– Death and funeral of an integral teacher and friend in my life
– Attended The Eras Tour and became a converted elder millenial Swiftie for life

August
– Made the incredibly difficult decision to resign from school counseling position to protect my own mental health and stay true to my values
– Once again, grieving the absence of volleyball starting
– My father ends up hospitalized for diabetes-related symptoms for one week with extra care needed beyond hospital visit
– WonderBOY and Scott travel to Alaska for a family fishing expedition
– 11 year wedding anniversary

September
– Establish RootedWELL Coaching, my new LLC business adventure

October
– WB and Scott travel to Wyoming, WB experiences his first kill
– Solo camping adventure for my birthday
– Discovery of my husband’s current/recent infidelity (very end of month)

November/December
– Grieve my marriage, survive my symptoms, rely on my support system
– Start counseling (both individual and marriage) and medication knowing I cannot cope with this particular struggle by myself
– Navigate the holidays (and Apple Cup and birthdays) amidst pain and questioning

In these two months, I have cried and felt more than all the times in my entire life put together. If you know me, you know it is very difficult for me to cry and be vulnerable with my emotions (Enneagram 3 problems). This has opened up a number of experiences for me, including true understanding of what it feels like to walk through attachment trauma AND to fully let others in to help support me through this time. And although I am experienced heightened emotions NOW, the loss of so many pieces of my identity in BLINDSIDING fashion this year is really the true source of my pain long-term and my greatest need to rebuild in the new year.

The glimmer of it all – I have seen and been encouraged by the strength of my Wonders as they also navigate this attachment rupture – their mature words, their empathy and care for me, and their focus on their own coping skills reinforces what seeds I so desperately wanted to plant for them in their hearts and minds. It’s been a bittersweet time for me to see those seeds grow and shine in support of me and our family as we walk through this struggle together.

Some folks might be wondering why I’m including some of these details in my very public blog and here is my response – I’ve always felt aligned with my integrity when I share both the ups and the downs of my life. This is no different. I will be sharing MY experience (with consent from my husband)….and just like others have shared theirs with me, it helps to navigate alongside others who have experienced similar things. Compassion after all means “to suffer together” – my hope is that by me sharing, it can help me make meaning of the events from this past year but also might help someone else in the process of reading by being exposed to new ideas/concepts in their journies. That is and will always be my hope for this blog.