Tag Archives: education

On the systems that help AND harm….

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As a passionate educator, I came into my school counseling career with limited life experience but a lot of educational training on students and all the things that stand in the way of their academic success (personal background, learning disabilities, child abuse, opportunity gaps, etc.). And as my years of professional personal experience continue to climb, I am confronted with more and more systemic harms and systemic oppression that are much larger barriers for so many of my students, my own child navigating the “adult world”, and a lot of other humans I come into contact with that are a far heavier burden than any of those individual circumstances.

And sometimes when describing these barriers, it is hard for others to gain perspective on these hurts and barriers if never confronted with them personally. For example, I knew about the justice system inequities from reading this book and other news, but was not personally affected until on trial for my WonderGIRL’s trial against her abuser and then later part of a jury selection process that weeded me out for “knowing too much about childhood trauma’s impact on memory and the brain.” The anger that raged inside of me knowing that our jury didn’t believe my daughter because no one on that jury knew or could explain what happens to a brain that has been abused over time will never go away…..

I thought I would leave a few key readings or listening resources you might be interested in to gain some others’ perspectives as you move forward in our world that I need to hope will move in a forward direction toward “liberty and justice for all.”

My favorite post from the 4th of July – a holiday that had many conflicting feelings so so many people.

Educational trauma – I love my job as a school counselor and love the services and empowerment that public education provides to students and families. But the inequities are HUGE – I appreciate my colleagues and passionate leaders who also see these injustices and work on removing both collective and individual barriers to learning and growth for our most vulnerable little humans. There are a lot of books out there that can speak to marginalized groups and their experiences in school but here is one that I tore through with both curiosity and anger (I saw the author speak live at this conference and was hooked on her mission):

Religious trauma – I have always had some doubts on collective group religion although feel strongly about the power of having strong, individual faith journeys. Especially when it comes to the views and judgement passed onto to the LGTBQIA community, which in my opinion, is completely counterintuitive to the teachings of the bible. If you’re interested in learning more (since this is not my story to share but something I think needs to be shared), here are a few stories to listen to/watch in order to stretch your thinking on the topic.

We Can Do Hard Things podcast –

Mormon No More documentary on Hulu – featuring two lovely humans I have followed on Instagram for years now

I also fully acknowledge that these stories are ones that I personally sought out and received from folks that look like me, think like me and while I try to look at things from both sides, these are issues about human rights that cannot afford folks to remain neutral and sit on the fence about. I am looking forward to voting and getting involved with legislation in hopes we can move forward as a country….as well as continue to build safe spaces for little ones to find their voice, show compassion for others, and grow into leaders who will make our world a better place (insert all hope placed in future generations here). Thanks for reading and exploring with me.

February Faves

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All three members thrilled to start in-person hybrid today!

February was a short month with a ton of events packed in….February 1st meant my 12th grader (she’s a senior?!?!?) and 7th grader got to return to in-person learning for 2 days per week. The day before, we had lots of nerves and questions and high emotions but both were ready to go the next morning. And the happiest guy on the block was Daddy….finally getting his precious 7 hours of alone time back after almost a year of missing out on these restorative hours after work shifts.

Although we are still in the middle of this pandemic, WIAA has shifted seasons and volleyball also started this month. With lots of new protocols and logistics to balance in my brain, being around my hard-working players who are so excited and grateful to be competing again has been amazing (and feels……dare I say it….normal???).

Haha my friend took this during one of our away games – made me crack up on the bus ride home.

A few other fun moments from the month below…..

  • My staff and students spoiled me for NSCW!
  • 7 year live-a-versary love!
  • Spooning cats.
  • Hairstylist cats.

Still trying to hold strong to our family goals…..volleyball games during weekends made it tight but we did fit in our February hike on the last day of February. Hoping with the better weather, we can find new beautiful places to explore in the coming months! Also, how no one told me about the comfort of good hiking shoes…..game changer!!!

On knowing better

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I’ve always loved the phrase KNOW better, DO better and it’s something I strive for in my personal development efforts. There have been a number of podcasts that have really opened my eyes (my ears???) to some new perspectives that I’d love to share with you if you’re looking for more personal development growth as well.

  1. The Goop podcast. I also highly recommend the mini-docu series they did on Netflix as well. Alternative healing messages, interesting viewpoints on parenting and connection and other non-traditional offerings of living, learning and loving. I never miss an episode and learn something new every time.

2. Nice White Parents. The tale of segregation in New York City public schools. From the creators of my all time favorite Podcast, Serial, this is well-done and entertaining to listen to. Be prepared to think about your own privilege and power when advocating for your children in education. There were times I was walking and listening to this and literally clapping, raising my hallelejuah hands and hearing someone articulate back to me my own frustrations with our current and BROKEN educational system.

3. Unlocking Us by Brene Brown. I’m sure you’ve already heard of this amazing author and shame researcher, but her podcast puts her knowledge (and amazingly soothing voice) into bite size nuggets to absorb the goodness. Loved this particular session with Austin Channing Brown.

4. I Mom So Hard podcast. Because I need a little balance on my walks….want to laugh and listen to two ladies that I want to be friends with? I have loved their youtube/their instagram lives/their live shows and now they have a podcast which is equally laugh out loud hilarious. Check it out!

What are you listening to right now? Any recommendations? Leave them below!

On our “trauma-responsive” homeschooling approach

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As an educator, I was hopeful about the school closure and what I would be able to accomplish with our 6th grader, WonderBOY. Then the first two weeks hit and it was BUMPY….tantrums, holes in walls, and a very frustrated mama who was also trying to work from home. He is a bit behind in multiple academic skills so I was determined to help him fill in some of those gaps while we had dedicated time to do so the last 3 months.

A glimpse into his weekly schedule….assignments broken down in morning and afternoon chunks (icons on side represent physical activity, chore, and water before game time).

And then, I decided I was ready to experiment. To put all of my hopes and dreams into what a “trauma-responsive” environment could look like for him (and in my actual dreams, what an entire classroom doing this might mean for so many of our students with trauma histories). So we shifted our expectations and found great success with the following adjustments:

1. Meeting him where he was at each morning. We held a morning meeting and assessed his mood, tired-ness, weather outside (impacts him greatly), stress level with family, etc. This improved our trusting relationship and grounded him in the expectations for the day.

2. Go over assignment chunks each day (not entire assignment at one time) and adjust if mood not fitting….this means we might move assignments around or add in more physical activity or rest time.

WB loved to zoom bomb my meetings and see if he knew any teachers on my calls – what a goof.

3. Work in 20-30 minute increments….we had a timer system set up that he was in charge of. If he worked for 30 minutes, he always received a break to move his body, relax his mind, or do mindfulness in between work times. This was the BIGGEST factor in him staying focused and him producing quality work.

4. Find interest projects – he was not motivated by the art projects assigned but we wanted him to stay accountable for completing assignments. We switched up the assignments to photography collages and/or painting with Dad so he was highly motivated to work on them.

This collage prompt was “How I know I’m home.”

5. Part of increasing the success we were having meant we had to DECREASE his work load. But that did not mean we weren’t holding him to standards….we stayed consistent in what we expected every day, gave him choices of when to do certain items not IF he was going to do them, and adjusted to his escalations/anxiety. And it was still tiring on certain days as evidenced by the picture below. This nap lasted 3 hours and instead of hounding him with work upon waking, we just moved his work to the following day. We considered each week as an entity with work due by the end of the week, not due dates each day.

A return to Kindergarten nap times in the old days.

So what came of this all? Our relationship is strengthened and he is a lot more open to our feedback than prior to this homeschooling. We learned a ton about how he works, when he is distracted, and how we can set up his work times better. And his work was crazy improved from what he was able to produce in class….I’m pretty sure some of his teachers thought I may have been helping with the actual work in disbelief WB could produce what he was producing. He improved two entire grade levels in his online reading curriculum…..and I am confident he can continue to do the work into the summer months without complaints.

Now can this continue in a school building? I am not sure…..so many distractions from peers, no 1-on-1 attention from a trusting adult consistent throughout the day, multiple stressors in a middle school life make this “trauma-responsive” environment a hard one to replicate.

But rethinking education a little might move towards a safer environment for kiddos just like WB….what IF they only had one teacher for an entire day? What IF they had smaller class sizes? What IF each day started with an individual check in with each student, assessing their emotional “availability” to learn for the day? What IF there was a space for kiddos to go and get basic needs met like food or rest without needing to get it by acting out? What IF we structured a longer school day with MORE breaks built in for busy learners?

A trauma mama can dream right?????

On Wondergirl’s new school

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For multiple years, we have been contemplating that public education might not be the best fit for our WonderGIRL. And not because I don’t fully believe in the public education system, because I completely do (as its one of my biggest life purposes and passions). But the education system, as it stands right now, automatically assumes that the age and grade of child determines what they are capable of. And with WG and so many other kiddos with significant trauma, this is not the case. Much research actually shows that children coming from significant trauma are about HALF their age in social and emotional development. Imagine having an 8 year old go to school with high school freshmen and sophomores…..ack!!!!After WG was not able to keep herself safe and out of harm’s way freshmen year at our public high school, we decided to try a small private school setting here in town. Being in a classroom with only 12 students and ONE teacher all day long is such a good fit for her. Less peers to be distracted by and less adults to manipulate and students that are a little more “her speed” when it comes to social and emotional problem solving. Although there are other challenges and setbacks with this choice as always, so far we are happy with our decision and WG is really trying to rise to our expectations of her.Parenting WG has been by far the HARDEST thing I have ever done. And not because her behaviors and challenges are big and scary but because I am having to change and release my own hopes and dreams for how much her story will be changed in the relatively short time we have had her. I am in a true grieving process right now…..what if she doesn’t change? What if she never learns about cause and effect? What if she always walks to that van of puppies and accepts the invitation to come inside??? Every core of my being believes that kids and people can change with the right supports and the right teaching….but the drastic changes that are needed with this one might not get there before we lose her to 18 and what will most likely be a desperate need to be out on her own. Many outsiders looking in see her for what I hope people always see in her….joy, energy, compassion, helpfulness…..but underneath there is significant brain damage from a traumatic birth journey and even more significant emotional damage from a significant abuse history.

So I am choosing to rewrite the story of parenting her and rewriting my own goals and dreams and wishes for her future……and learning to be okay in that editing process. Being okay with a future that might look different than what I thought for her…..and fighting for all the supports and therapy and healing that we can fit in the next two years while she is with us in our unconditional and loving home.Picture above of me and my girls….reminding me to look inside at their hearts….filled with love, but filled with a million little holes poked by a million different hurts that all of my love and effort and affirmations leak out of on a daily/hourly/second basis. So we start again like we do every morning…..looking to plug one hole so that another one shows itself for tomorrow. Time to go to work…..