On my mid-life “whatever you wanna call it”

Posted on July 17, 2021 by Patti Hoelzle

As I near the age of 40 (which means very little to me as far as ages go), I am noticing that this age DOES mean some things to people around me, especially women. And what I’m observing from both close and afar…..which makes me super excited, proud, inspired is that reaching higher ages and “mid-life” has prompted so many of my friends to “EVOLVE” or as I like to call it “up level.” They are realizing their potentials, they are healing themselves or accessing help to heal themselves, they are leaving toxic situation and they are pursuing their purposes. So instead of the old verbiage, “mid-life crisis”….I thought I would share a little about the collective “mid-life level up” I am witnessing around me and some resources you might be into as well.

Looking back on my life in creating my family within the last 10 years, my realization of purpose and prompts for healing needed to come earlier out of the need for sheer survival. Committing to a life of loving my husband and kids with complex-PTSD meant we all had to reflect on our own triggers, heal our reactions in small moments, and “do the work” (as I like to say) much earlier than might happen in typical family stories. This work included hours of therapy, handfuls of personal development reads and podcasts, tears and heartache, and hours of the holy grail of healing – meditation practices.

The books that keep “popping up” as inspiration in my journey:

Untamed should be required reading for all women. What Happened to You? should be required reading for all foster/adopt parents, educators and survivors of childhood trauma. Highly recommend BOTH!

These two reads are “the HEAVY and HARD work.” They are a bit more cerebral and will gut punch you at times with their prompts and concepts but if you can stay present and dig in, enlightenment is on the other side waiting for you.

I would recommend these books for “non-readers.” They are short stories and can be picked up, put down at any time. Great for coffee tables or travel. Small stories – big impact!

To all of my mid-lifers out there, I see you and honor you. Keep meditating and raising your self-awareness. Keep striving for your best self. And keep sharing your journey – you may never know the seeds of inspiration that grow in others’ hearts and be the missing puzzle piece for the evolution of another. Let’s level up together shall we?

P.S. And can I even do a blog post on personal growth without a Brene quote? I think not…..

”I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.

Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.

Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.’’
– Brené Brown

One Little Word 2021

Posted on January 9, 2021 by Patti Hoelzle

I got some practice with my word for this year earlier in 2020 when it was needed desperately after some events literally broke our family and our future’s predictability into pieces. Restoring back to some version of “whole” was my focus for myself and for members of my family for the greater part of the year.

And now, I hope this word continues to be a prominent action (because I view it is an action, not an outcome) in our household but also I hope it takes root and grows and grows within our communities, nation and world.

My intentions for what this will look like:
– explore pathways to healing that we haven’t explored before
– prioritize time for each individual to find their “whole” self (personal development, mindfulness, exercise, etc.)
– prioritize time for relationships to heal and grow (not just as one larger family unit)
– become clear in the “why” of what I do, both professionally and personally

Obviously this is my greatest wish not only for the global Covid-19 pandemic but for the racial reckoning happening right now as well.

Also, a little knowledge to impart that I didn’t know before that inspired my choice of this word – did you know that “holy”, “health” and “hale” all come from the same root word, meaning “whole”? To quote Julie Holland from the book Good Chemistry, she writes “to heal is to restore to a state of wholeness. That’s my first job.” Amen and me too…..

On our epic summer road trip

Posted on August 18, 2020 by Patti Hoelzle

Although the summer wasn’t fully what we expected – with the Pandemic, most places and activities were shut down (including volleyball for the first time ever – how strange to truly have the summer off!).

But camping was still on the agenda (for us and everyone else in the nation it seems as well based on how busy all campgrounds were!). So in August, we set off for Yellowstone with a bunch of fun stops along the way. Because of the year we had endured so far, all 4 members of Team Hoelzle Brown were ready for some quality time together both in the car, in the trailer and exploring new places.

We created some intentions early and our mantra for the trip was “KNOW BETTER, GROW BETTER”. We used this trip for some study materials in the car, interesting journal prompts, and a chance for us to restore and grow our relationships in a better direction (a few of them took some major hits early in the year).

Here are a few highlights –

Stopping to explore any place we wanted!

I was that mean Mom that made our kiddos do some learning in the car – we used these workbooks intentionally to fill in our some gaps of learning including some math and a whole lot of “real life” knowledge (that even I needed to grow better in as well).

We had friends and family along our road trip route that we couldn’t pass up the chance to see and catch up with. Here are a few of our fave meet ups!

A few places that we definitely want to return to on a future road trip include:
– Fairmont Resort in Montana (hot spring pools, water slide, RV park, and some pool side drinks for the parents)
– WSU (yearly pilgrimage perhaps?)
– Missoula – hike the M (or was it W?) and loved the KOA there!

By the time we made it home, we already started planning next year’s adventure – I am so very grateful we have our trailer this summer (and beyond for this Fall and Winter while we’re still shut down from sports and other activities) to still create such special memories.

On my personal development READS

Posted on January 30, 2020 by Patti Hoelzle

Not all therapy happens in a therapist’s office…..I have relied on reading for personal development, self-awareness, and reflection during my morning routines for the past 2 years – all leading to what I hope turns into a better version of myself. It’s been amazing and I have learned sometimes a little and sometimes a lot from the books I’ve read. In case you’re wanting to read a bit more this 2020, I’m going to leave one line from what I remember/took away from each book here.

White Fragility – My own privilege and racism is here whether I like it or not.
The Path Made Clear – So many seasons of life and so many different reflections and guidance needed at each one.
Becoming – Inspired by her boss-ness, independence, and drive.
Blind Spot – Haven’t read it yet but always trying to fill in the blanks of what I might not know about myself and others.
No Fail Meetings – Stop having sucky meetings. The end.
Leadershift – New leadership requires serving, not dragging along behind you.
The 5 Second Rule – Stop waiting….5-4-3-2-1 do it.
Scoot Over and Make Some Room – Everything in my family will be figured out, including how many kiddos come in and out of our doors and hearts, no matter their needs.
The Body Keeps the Score – Trauma IS a diagnosis, IS NOT being treated the way it should be, AND explains so much of our mental health, education, and general system dysfunctions. *If you have been anywhere around me this year, I’m sure I’ve recommended this one….MUST READ trauma mamas and papas and educators and doctors and social workers and therapists, ETC.
The Moment of Lift – Get me around powerful and passionate women and let’s change the world together (inspired one of my 2020 goals to do this)!!
Quantum Wellness – Intentional eating, intentional everything having to do with my body – but it doesn’t take a grandiose plans…..multiple tiny steps creates massive impact.
What Happened to My Child – Opened my eyes and brain to PANS/PANDAS and cemented my love and inspiration I find constantly in my friend Heather, the author.

Still inspired by flipping through this!!!

What other inspirational reads do I need to add to my list?? Let me know in the comments!

On the Enneagram

Posted on October 31, 2019 by Patti Hoelzle

Many of you know that I love a good personality quiz….I love people’s stories and I love being curious about the “why” behind people’s actions (including my own).

I was introduced to the Enneagram through a workshop I attended a few years back and have been intrigued ever since. The more I learn about this tool, my “number” and the types of those around me, the more I can understand others’ motivations and react in ways that will support them versus trigger them (very important obstacle course to navigate in my home).

What is the enneagram?
The Enneagram comes from the Greek words for nine (ennea) and drawing (gram). Each point represents a basic personality type and a specific pattern of thinking and way of being.

Figuring out my type, Scott’s type and then starting to discover both WonderGIRL and WonderBOY’s types have led to some really thoughtful and intentional discussions about our behavior and how we treat other people, especially in times of stress. We love reading specific instagram posts that help us learn about types and commenting occasionally to the other “That’s so very type 1 of you.” Here is our constellation of types in Team Hoelzle-Brown:

Scott
WonderGIRL
Me! (no one is shocked by this one)
WonderBOY

How did we find out our type(s)? There are a lot of different quizzes you can take….or some people read about each type and try to figure out which resonates the most for them. Here is the quiz that I most often give to people to take which also gives short descriptions of each type:
Fast Enneagram Test

This might be a powerful tool for you in any team you work with as well. I know the types of each of my volleyball players and we often discuss how to interact differently with each type on and off the court to lead to a more positive climate. There are a lot of great Instagram profiles to follow that can highlight all sorts of interesting conversations about your type – just search “enneagram” into the user search and voila! research away!!! Some you will find more accurate (sometimes scary accurate) than others, but still good “food for thought” anyway.

I would love to know your type!!! Take the test and post in my comments….also feel free to message me with any questions (I am no expert but can point you in some helpful directions) or for suggestions on Instagram accounts to follow!! Happy “gramming” everyone!

On tidying up

Posted on January 18, 2019 by Patti Hoelzle

Along with everyone else this new year, I got hooked on the new Netflix show, Tidying up with Marie Kondo. I had read the book a few years back but seeing it in action was perfect for me as a visual learner. Loved the inspiring tips she shared and how peaceful the homes she was transforming seemed to be after the big tidy.

My room and closet had exploded over the holiday season so last weekend was a perfect time to load all the clothes from all the closets into my bed and get to work. I purge my clothes often so I was surprised that I still had so much in my stash that I was unsure on….doesn’t spark joy?!?! Thank you and into the giveaway bag it went.

PS the verbal “thank you” to my clothes felt silly but was quite meaningful and therapeutic. I think clothes and material things can teach us lessons and serve a purpose and expressing gratitude for them or for yourself for purchasing was kind of cool in a way….Kondo states that this process helps counteract some shame that can come from having so many clothes or items that we don’t use and I think that’s a great way to keep the tidying process going with minimal negative emotions around it.

The reveal:Sooooo many Ferndale volleyball shirts….instead of consigning those my players will get to battle it out on the court for some free “retro” gear for their closets come this spring and summer. Scott’s mild OCD loved the new folding and drawer process. Now to see how long it lasts….

I saw many of you jumping in to the same thing last weekend!!! What did you tidy and how did it go????

On experience gifts…

Posted on January 15, 2019 by Patti Hoelzle

I’m not sure if I have written it here on the blog but I love gifting and also receiving experience gifts for holidays. My husband and I have always focused on doing things together for big events vs. giving gifts and this love and tradition we try to pass on to our kiddos as well.

This Christmas, I was super excited to gift my Mom and Grandma with a trip to the Sound of Music Sing-along experience at the 5th Avenue Theatre in Seattle. If you’ve never been, it’s a little like the Rocky Horror Picture Show experience but with less shocking outfits and no sexual innuendoes. People shouting at the plot lines (my favorite was when Captain VonTrapp told sweet Maria to turn around upon meeting her and an audience member yelled “# me too.” Perfect.) and an entire theatre singing along with every single song (usually I’m the weird one in the crowd knowing every single lyric….here? just normal). It was a wonderful day and a shared memory with three generations of us Weber women that I will cherish for years to come.

My sweet BraveGIRL turned 16 this January and I am continuously trying to pump the importance of personal development into both her and WonderGIRL as they grow and learn and form their identities in their teenage years. Bringing them to the Made for More documentary by Rachel Hollis (I promise I’ll stop referencing her in every post) was a great opportunity to start conversations around strong women, confidence, not being impacted by comparison to others, and other solid messages that I would love for them to adopt in their daily lives. We had a super fun dinner beforehand and they loved the movie, but my favorite moments was our discussion in the car afterward where they shared their take-aways an we got to have an open and honest discussion.

My favorite part for them to hear was how Rachel combats the old adage that “everything happens for a reason.” This common encouragement can really dismiss someone’s trauma and especially a young child who can’t even begin to think abstractly as to why something horrible has happened to them. Rachel encourages people instead to find a purpose or a meaning out of an experience. Not gonna lie – I got a little teary sitting in between these two 16 year olds, with a world and a life ahead of them, getting inspired to have a healthy view of their past and an actual encouraging way to move into their future. My two girls’ traumas definitely did not happen to them for any sort of positive reason but my biggest hope is that they can use the strength and resiliency they grew during these experiences to cruise through other smaller life stressors and maybe even use it to impact/inspire others who have gone through things similar.

I know many of you love gifting experience gifts too – what’s been your favorite to give????

On our favorite gifts

Posted on December 28, 2018 by Patti Hoelzle

Daddy worked Christmas Eve so we had to do some snuggling in bed before we got to do presents!!! Good thing Santa was prepared for early morning snoopers. As many of you know, WonderGIRL has been working really hard to make good choices and earn trust. Her “big” gift from us was permission to finally date/have a boyfriend and practice extending relationship lessons to a romantic one in a safe environment and under our watch. You can imagine the squeals and clapping that happened upon opening! WonderBOY got his usually nerf guns and balls, a super fun new Sushi Go card game and a trip to see WWE live with Daddy and his uncles which he is so excited for. BraveGIRL was delighted to open a new iPhone on Christmas morning – we are glad we have full control over her phone and the apps now to properly monitor for safety. Win-win. Also all of us girls got new comfy pajamas that we’ve been living in since Christmas. our “something to read” gifts this year all had a theme and we’ve been diving into the 5 love languages with the girls and with Scott and I during some quiet reading time by the tree. Having the kiddos complete the quizzes to find their love language has been eye-opening and helpful in connecting with them in different ways. Jesus made it into our manger filled with straw (acts of kindness we completed before Christmas). Next year, we plan to start The Giving Manger project right at Thanksgiving to give us more time to add straw!! I highly recommend this book/products for your family to encourage serving to littles in a new and exciting way!

On December….the good stuff

Posted on December 14, 2018 by Patti Hoelzle

December can be a bit of a mine field for this family so today I choose to look at some bright spots…..what’s going well, what we’re looking forward to, etc.

Traditions are always a fun way to look back at past years, remember funny and good times and document year in and year out of doing the same thing. We went and found our tree on a beautiful sunny day and relaxed afterward with decorating and Christmas movies.Kittens plus Christmas – is there anything cuter????This year, Scott’s family did a big “Grinch-themed” Christmas party….I was so impressed with my MIL’s themed tree and so much other amazing decor around the house. What a festive start to December!!!BraveGIRL is finding her groove and comfort with our extended families and really becoming a big hit with some younger tribe members. This little man pretty much fell in love and per usual, BG is amazing with littles.This year, we have two trees in our home!!! This flocked tree was my favorite Black Friday purchase and I love the light and vibe it adds to our upstairs space. Since my early morning quiet times take place in the chair opposite this tree, I love it during the recent month of dark mornings….it will be hard to take it down after the holiday season, that’s for sure!!!

Each year, we typically do some sort of countdown that includes service projects and focusing on others. This year, I found this amazing cute storybook/set called The Giving Manger and have loved it so far…..every time a family member completes an act of serving another, they get to place a piece of straw in the manger. When it’s filled with joy and giving, it’s ready for the baby Jesus and Christmas….even though we shouldn’t need a “gimmick” to focus on serving others, it’s been a great conversation piece each night at family dinners and I love challenging the kiddos to go off each and day and look for ways to serve versus receive. Also, their instagram feed and stories are my favorite to look at each day if you want some amazing ideas for kiddos and serving.

Looking forward to:

– our first Christmas morning in this house!

– a slow Christmas break and days in our happy jams

– Christmas Eve service together!

– uncles and future aunts coming to stay with us

– snow and sledding day at Baker

– kiddos in new cute clothes (I am anticipating this way more than them obviously)

– Christmas Eve scavenger hunt for present

On complaining

Posted on December 7, 2018 by Patti Hoelzle

A few different messages in the form of this excerpt from my morning reading and a video I saw at a recent training has me thinking about complaining. And although I don’t think of myself as a “complainer”, I do hope to be mindful and intentional this month about staying positive and looking for strengths and wins over dwelling on the negatives and failures.

I love this spoken word video (warning – swear word included) and hope you can gain some perspective from it as well. Although it diminishes some very real suffering many are going through, I think it also highlights a gratitude for being alive and in community, no matter what our circumstances.

Simple Shenanigans

Simple life, sacred shifts – pursuing said shenanigans

Category Archives: Books