On our last 90 days

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Sparked by the idea that we should end our years as intentionally and ready for health and wellness as much as we are after January 1st, Rachel Hollis set up this program….I participated last year and this year, Scott joined me.

What does it entail? The daily 5 to thrive:
– wake up early to spend time on yourself
– daily gratitude practice
– half your body weight (ounces) in water
– move your body for 30 minutes
– remove one category of food out of your diet

Since October and November (and then the holidays of course) can be stressful for our family, we thought it would be good to be intentional about this together. We did pretty well in October – I cut out fast food, which for my busy schedule, was VERY hard to do. I was proud of myself for refusing the urge, even when others around me were enjoying their greasy goodness. I started to find my rhythm with water as well and it truly is amazing the impact that hydration has on our body and energy levels!

Scott has been practicing writing down 5 things he is grateful for each day, along with nightly meditations (calm.com to the rescue!) – watching his personal growth makes me so proud and energized to stay accountable to our commitments.

Next up for November – I really want to work on getting more exercise and movement into my daily routine. Both Scott and I are removing alcohol from our diets for the month….which might be hard later this month when our sweet WonderGIRL has a very serious back surgery but we’ll get a chance to practice our other (and healthier) coping strategies for that!!!

The delicious French fries I looked forward to on November 1st did not disappoint.

Any of you participating in this program?? Would love to hear your progress!!!

On the Enneagram

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Many of you know that I love a good personality quiz….I love people’s stories and I love being curious about the “why” behind people’s actions (including my own).

I was introduced to the Enneagram through a workshop I attended a few years back and have been intrigued ever since. The more I learn about this tool, my “number” and the types of those around me, the more I can understand others’ motivations and react in ways that will support them versus trigger them (very important obstacle course to navigate in my home).

What is the enneagram?
The Enneagram comes from the Greek words for nine (ennea) and drawing (gram). Each point represents a basic personality type and a specific pattern of thinking and way of being.

Figuring out my type, Scott’s type and then starting to discover both WonderGIRL and WonderBOY’s types have led to some really thoughtful and intentional discussions about our behavior and how we treat other people, especially in times of stress. We love reading specific instagram posts that help us learn about types and commenting occasionally to the other “That’s so very type 1 of you.” Here is our constellation of types in Team Hoelzle-Brown:

  • Scott
  • WonderGIRL
  • Me! (no one is shocked by this one)
  • WonderBOY

How did we find out our type(s)? There are a lot of different quizzes you can take….or some people read about each type and try to figure out which resonates the most for them. Here is the quiz that I most often give to people to take which also gives short descriptions of each type:
Fast Enneagram Test

This might be a powerful tool for you in any team you work with as well. I know the types of each of my volleyball players and we often discuss how to interact differently with each type on and off the court to lead to a more positive climate. There are a lot of great Instagram profiles to follow that can highlight all sorts of interesting conversations about your type – just search “enneagram” into the user search and voila! research away!!! Some you will find more accurate (sometimes scary accurate) than others, but still good “food for thought” anyway.

I would love to know your type!!! Take the test and post in my comments….also feel free to message me with any questions (I am no expert but can point you in some helpful directions) or for suggestions on Instagram accounts to follow!! Happy “gramming” everyone!

On the life “scrub”

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Fall is always a season of renewal for me….with school and volleyball starting, I always feel the itch to try new things or switch up some patterns I had acquired during my slow summer season.

This year, it took a little longer for that itch to happen with some grief and other stressors but here we are with two months left in the year and I’m feeling motivated to make a few changes toward my better self and a more organized daily world!!

One of my favorite podcasts is publishing a week-long “scrub” of your device, calendar, home, etc. and I’ve been loving the practical ideas she has shared on staying focused and limiting distractions.

This first episode is about “scrubbing” your decide, turning off notifications, organizing your home screen, etc. and I loved taking 30 minutes during my morning routine to really evaluate how I used my phone. She shared a wonderful quote, saying “when you get back to someone right away, that is not showing leadership. That is showing that you are distracted.” This is how I’ve always viewed messages and notifications on my phone and loved the validation and common sense of what it communicates to the sender.

Are you an “eliminate all the red bubbles’ kind of person? Don’t look at my phone – they are everywhere!!! My husband cringes whenever he peeks over.

Even my new office needed a “scrubbing” after my move to a new location this Fall. The piles of papers and files were overwhelming me, so I turned off my phone, shut my door, laid everything out and finally got organized. It’s amazing how good that feels once it is done!!! I feel like I’ve gotten more work done in a faster period of time since getting my physical space and functioning organized!

Is there anything or process in your life that may need a good, clean “scrub”? Leave your idea below and inspire us all!!!

A few game-changers….

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I love when random things drop into my life and then poof! I can’t imagine what life was like before them….here are a few things (with links for discounts!) that have upleveled my work/home/foot/healthy eating game as of late.

Bombas socks have quickly become my favorite….the right amount of thickness and support so my feet don’t hurt after a day at work and practice. They just released these new “no-show” socks and I love them!!! But what I love the most is the mesh bag you can add on to your order to wash them in so you don’t lose them – genius!
Want some of your own? Click here to get 25% off your order!

A while back I was super interested in these Daily Harvest subscription boxes, that had proportioned smoothies and other meals ready to go. I love having a smoothie in the morning, but I could never keep up on having fresh fruit and greens in my fridge and ready to make quickly. Then my friend Amy posted about them and I quickly snagged my first box. I love how easy it is just to add liquid (I add half almond milk and half water), blend, pour back into the container and take with me to work!!!
I have a special code for you on this one as well – get $25 off your first box by clicking here. You will not regret trying this one out – I can’t wait for my second box to get here this week!

I know I am definitely late to the game on this one but an extended screen situation at my standing desk has been AWESOME!!! My poor eyes staring at my laptop for the past couple of years really needed an upgrade….lucky for me I found this ancient screen ready to go to surplus and I snagged it up. I have also been relying on my blue light blocking glasses to help with my headaches (my brain and body is still getting used to the new screen demands of my current position).

Do you use glasses like these? Mine are from https://ladybossglasses.com but many people have snagged them from Amazon too.

Any new game changers in your life??? Leave them below so I can go check them out – we all need to share our life hacks when we find them!!!

Summer thorns

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Summer can be a hard time for our crew….this summer brought a few extra transitions that were tough as well.

While we look super happy and loving in the above picture at our camping site pool, we are also sadly grieving that in this picture there is only 4 members of Team Hoelzle Brown. Our sweet BraveGIRL decided to move back with her biological sister and legal guardian (reuniting her also with her twin sister) a few days before this camping trip. We are happy for her but ultimately, do not agree its in her best interest to move back and really wish we could still guide and influence her life for a bit longer. We poured our hearts and time and love into her and hope and pray the two years of lessons, struggles and character improvements will last her into her adulthood.

This grief is tough because it’s unresolved. There is no ending, but a lot of wondering and questions and mixed feelings that will last for a while. It’s been tough for our littles, especially WonderBOY as he misses her deeply. Seeing her empty room filled with cats instead of clothes on the floor is hard each day. And yes, we still communicate with her and will continue to be in her life as long as she lets us. We got an enthusiastic call on her first day at her new high school excited about the year ahead, so I continue to be hopeful for her. We love her and have high hopes for her future and I trust that she knows that deep down inside and will always remember that.

If nothing else, this experience is stretching and preparing our hearts to foster other little ones as they move back and forth between their biological families and ours, navigating that deep love and deep grief with each new placement.

Each summer, we dive deep and hard into the waters of our kiddos’ traumas, doubling down on therapy when we have enough time and space to process and endure the resulting emotions and behaviors afterward. In particular, we are exploring the “why” of some of WB and WG’s triggers and behaviors…..listening to them unpack their childhood is excruciating to sit and listen to. I can’t imagine enduring that they had to which leads to deep sadness. But I also become overwhelmingly angry that I couldn’t protect them….that I don’t have a time machine to go back and take away the hurts and the deep wounds that I am now accepting might never change or be healed.

For instance, Scott/Daddy/my hubs is away hunting right now. Both of our kiddos are struggling with that and do every year around this time…typical children might be worried Dad is going to get hurt or an accident will happen and just a sadness of missing him.

But instead, both of my kiddos are stuck with this automatic fear that he will not return and even stated to our therapist “What if he doesn’t want to live here anymore?”. Insert my own heart breaking. Insert imagining what it’s like to be a 2 year old waking up in the morning, searching for a parent who is not there and lashing out at his 8 year old sister who is charged with being his caretaker…..insert tears and grief and Daddy creating voicemails assuring him he loves our home and him and will be returning so he can listen to it over and over when he needs reassurance.

So with some of that, we decided to “stay home” quite a lot this summer. We watched lots of Netflix, enjoyed our new air conditioned home, and hunkered down together. I am sooooo ready for the new school year and soooooo excited for my new volleyball team, which gets me up and out of bed in the morning and makes these thorns hurt a little bit less which I am grateful for.

Thank you for your kind and supportive words through some of our “hard” this summer…..we appreciate your love and understanding and encouragement through it all over the years.

Summer roses…

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When I’m working with students and we’re sharing in a group, I sometimes ask them to share both a rose and a thorn from their life. Making it acceptable to share both highs and lows from our personal worlds and connecting us with others in community.

Since its been a while, here are a few roses from our summer…

  • Beautiful couple, the most beautiful venue, and our new complete fam!!
Old Settlers weekend with our whole crew made my Ferndale heart VVEEERRRYYY happy.
  • Trailer life is the best life.
  • Trying out KOA camping – we like!!!
My gritty crew dominating at the WSU team camp and tournament!!!
  • WG and her best friend were inseparable this summer!!!
  • Fair day!
This dreamy little cabin was the best 7th anniversary date!!! We will definitely be heading back here for another weekend getaway soon!

Next post up will be sharing a few thorns we endured this summer!! I do really miss writing and sharing our family’s highs and lows here….I am in a weird stage of grief right now which is having me stuck and not writing but hopefully I’ll break out of that soon. Happy start of Fall everyone – my favorite season of the WHOLE year!!!

On kiddo behavior….

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One of the things I miss from my day-in, day-out job as school counselor is coaching parents on correcting problem behaviors in their homes. As part of my Ju-live event in my RootedWELL page on Facebook, I filmed this video and thought I would share the link here.

It got a little lengthy (20 minutes) but it’s just me downloading the most common and effective pieces of advice that I’ve given (and try to use daily in my home) throughout the years. Hope you enjoy!!!

Click here for video!

If you’d like to join my RootedWELL community for more content like this or info on essential oil madness:
Facebook page – RootedWELL
Instagram – follow me!!!

On why I make my kids listen to the radio….

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And other tales of how I ruin their lives teach them lessons of patience and delayed gratification.As a parent, but mostly an educator, I can tell you the discomfort when a child has to wait for something or when they are disappointed has most definitely been exaggerated and more problematic in the last 5-10 years. As technology advances (and other such human interactions have changed), our children are growing up in a land and at a pace that keeps up with their every demand. They ask (Alexa) and they shall receive (ie, they tap their magic screen and something happens, every single time).

But, the downfall of practicing this delayed gratification can have extreme negative outcomes later in life. Most good things in adult land come…….

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after you wait (see what I did there???). And in the discomfort of waiting is when quitting, self-medicating, passiveness and the loss of creative solutions happens. I believe that practicing “waiting” is one of the most intentional things we can gift and model to our kiddos.

A few ways we try to do this:
Making our kiddos listen to the radio (and yes the commercials).
It seems so simple, but can be really effective – the “going with the flow” of what song comes on, listening to the commercials which can give us new ideas on what to do this weekend (if a local station), and sitting in the okay of not liking a song for 3:42 seconds is also good practice

Not giving an answer right away.
One common best practice in the adoption world is to try and say yes to your childrens’ requests when appropriate (for time, for snacks, etc.). We try to do this when we can but we also usually know whether the answer is a yes or a no immediately after the question….so occasionally we say “It’s a no right now but you can ask again later” or “I will think about it and get back to you” to have them practice patience. This also helps them prepare for an answer they might not potentially like (especially effective for teen girls trying to see their boyfriends every day).

Rewarding effort/attitude, not outcomes.
Screen time/video game time is gifted in our house by minutes and is rewarded based not on the finished expectation (because they don’t have a choice to do homework, brush teeth, pick up room), but on their response to the request. If we hear an okay, they do the task, or even if they ask for a compromise, the time is rewarded. If there is complaining, disrespectful body language, or whining, minutes are taken away until the response becomes respectful. We don’t want our children to be mindful robots, complying to every adult request (which actually has been quite damaging to our wonders in their first family), but we do want them to practice having a respectful response to an adult and feel calm enough to ask for a compromise or disagree if need be.

How do you practice this concept with your kiddos? Or how do you teach and model this concept within your classroom? I would love more ideas…..it takes a village!!!

Happy birthday WG!

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WG got sad with her upcoming birthday approaching stating, “I just wish someone in this house had been there to see me grow up.” And although that statement is heartbreaking and we assured her that we wanted that too, I think it comes from a place of pride in how far she has come and truly how hard she has worked to overcome that very “growing up” she had to do early in life.

What many people don’t know is that WG was born at 31 weeks and weighed just over 2 pounds. She was a miracle and a fighter from the start….and there is every ounce of me that wishes I had been there with her holding a teeny hand and holding her body against mine to aid in her survival. And those same ounces of me are furious that others weren’t crowded around doing the same for her. But as you’ve heard me say before, her story is hers and I won’t share much more than that. We only have a handful of photos of her as a little but take in this cuteness for a second….

What I will share today on her 17th birthday is how much we HAVE seen her “grow up” under our roof and in our arms in the last 5 years and what a miracle it is we are all still standing. I will not ever pretend that this journey has been easy but I will say it has stretched us all in ways that can only strengthen us. I am proud of her spirit, her joy, her being a ridiculously loyal and loving friend and sister, and her recent gains in attachment to me as her mama.

Dear WG,

I hope you never stop fighting for life and for survival the way you did at 31 weeks old. You are in charge of your life and will always have a resiliency that will get you through. Stay pointed towards the light and the truth and stay connected to people that value you for YOU and not just what you can offer to do for them. Even though we weren’t there in the beginning, we are here now and will be forever….and can’t wait to see the explosion of growth that’s still ahead of you. We love you completely and always will.

Love, Mama

June highlights!!!

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Volleyball camp with WB and my club kiddos, the beginning of my summer capsule wardrobe, a few of my seniors’ grad parties, Father’s Day kidnapping mission, WB graduates 5th grade, and an awesome oils class!!! It was a good (but kinda hectic and I’m glad things slowed down now) month!!!