Planner switch-up

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Throughout the year I hem and haw over planners and who has what and what I like about each one and then each May I panic!!! Which one will I commit too? None of them have exactly what I want/need (very similar to house hunting btw)….grr! Why are they so darn expensive? See one of my first posts about my love of planners here!

I have been stalking the Inkwell Press planner and thought I was in to commit to this one for my planner this year. But when I ordered it and got it in my hands – it didn’t spark much excitement even though it was gorgeous without a doubt. Even with the chevron + wood grain cover (aka Patti’s dream design) – I couldn’t bring myself to write in it. Apparently I have strong planner intuition. ?

I remembered making my mother-in-law a special personalized planner for Mothers Day and I really liked the “Happy Planners” from Michaels (like couldn’t stop thinking about them and yes, I know that’s weird)….and double bonus that you can add in bonuses for what you need. For me, this meant extra notes pages, a post-it dashboard, and folders to keep goodies. And I also have a weird complex about crafty anything from Michaels but I decided to put that leftover Treasury of Memories mentality aside for a bit and lean into my planner wants and needs. Here are a few pics of my treasures:

 The monthly dividers are my favorite!!!

Using coupons, I got ALL of this for under $50 which is about half of what I usually spend. Woot woot – now how to carve out some me time to start filling all those pretty pages up!

The blessing and curse of a Mother’s Intuition….

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mom memeWhen I was a teenager, I attempted to lie quite a few times (sorry Mom). And quite a few times, my mother found out and I got consequences for those lies. It seriously BAFFLED me how she would find out every single thing I had fibbed about (both big and small) because our teenage brains really trick us into believing we’re invincible during that time. This biological wiring of feelings things in your gut about your offspring is an amazing scientific phenomenon and a saving grace for many wayward typical children….but it was also something that I was worried I would miss out on since we are choosing to grow our family through fostering and adopting.

But I have felt my intuition about our Wonders’ behaviors and words grow so strongly as we build our family together that it might not be a biological connection at all. There are truly little voices/thoughts in my head that tell me to ask a different question, look in a hiding spot under the bed, check the garbage for evidence, etc. and almost always, I find out something contradictory to their chosen story of the moment, however silly it might be. Today’s story: [Child that shall remain nameless] ate 4 hard boiled eggs during breakfast time (already suspicious)…..ACTUAL story: [C.T.S.R.N.] tried cracking one hard boiled egg and couldn’t. So they tried three more times, gnawed on the section that was clear of egg shell, then hid them in paper towels and threw them away.

And most of these times (today included), I don’t feel the conquering success of an FBI agent that has solved the case (see meme above). I feel extreme sadness that my kiddo felt scared enough to lie, hide, embellish, etc. and then I feel dread in having to have our 3,257th talk about telling the truth and why it is important. I feel trapped when we have to give a consequence when I still want them to enjoy their extra-curricular experiences and privileges. I feel insecure because our previous strategies are not sinking in. I feel fear about their future and what these lying behaviors might do in their chosen occupations or what they might do to their relationships, both with friends and significant others.

This motherhood gig is hard and it’s beautiful and it’s messy and it’s rewarding (ya ya ya)…..but it’s also evidence that God creates mothers to be GIFTED with powers that go beyond our biological makeup and beyond just a specific skill set in parenting little people. And for that, I am so grateful for this blessing of a mother’s intuition….and I’ll take the thousands of hard conversations, icky feelings, and the rotting egg smell coming from the garbage can that goes right along with it.

apps we love….

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Technology and screens can get a bad wrap when connected with children these days…..but there are some amazing apps out there that have been a huge help to our kiddos (and us) in our crazy household. So just in case you haven’t heard of these gems….here are our favorites to check out and add to your phones/tablets ASAP.

Emotions/Breathing Apps:
Calm – This is a game changer not only in our house but in my classroom as well. There is a charge (totally worth it IMO) to get access to ALL of the meditations but the free version is pretty awesome as well. You can choose your background scene and music and then pick from a huge variety of topics, choose the time you have, and then this lovely serene voice will walk you through progressive relaxation and affirmations. All of the meditations are appropriate for children BUT they just added Calm Kids with the cutest little meditation stories ever, especially for sleep.calm appBreathe, Think, Do with Sesame Street (for ages 3-6) – great resource for helping children with frustrations and problem-solving. The child helps the monster take belly breaths and I always watch the younger children breathing with them as they play this game. Love it!breathe, think, do appEducation/Learning Apps:
My Spelling List – this app is wonderful if your child has a weekly spelling list. You enter the words and spell them correctly with your voice….then your child can play games with those words and take practice tests. This has been a huge help to our 2nd grade WonderBOY and we can take his spelling practice on the road with us which is always helpful for us as we spend a lot of time in our car traveling to work/school and home.
**I couldn’t actually find this app on iTunes this time around so it was possibly eliminated but this one is very similar.**

KIZZU Letter Book – For beginner (or struggling) writers….this app provides repetition in correctly forming letters using their finger and the touchscreen. I like this handwriting app more than others because it does not give “points” or stars unless the child correctly forms the letter, even if the letter looks how it is supposed to in the end. They also have a number workbook which is helpful as well. Both of my kiddos (middle school WG included) really enjoy this app.kizzu app

And for adults – Photos/Video Apps:
Google photos – Need a space to store all those adorable kiddo and life photos? Hate deleting them off your phone like I do? This is a great solution and is completely free! This app automatically organizes them and backs them up so then you can access them from any device (perfect for people that don’t use Apple products across the board with their iphone).

1se – As many of you have seen, I am attempting to capture 1 second of our lives each and every day this year. This app has been a huge help in doing so and it saves my video clips so I don’t have to keep them saved on my phone. Some people are just showcasing one week at a time, others months, and I can’t wait for my year end 4:00ish minute video to see what a crazy ride our years always are! This example below are all clips from one vacation – perfect for this summer as some of you embark on your own epic adventures!second app

The depth of the fears….

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I know this is hard to believe but sometimes my teenage WonderGIRL has some “baditude” and occasionally gets some consequences that she doesn’t agree with (insert true teenage eye-rolling here). And when she stomps up the stairs and spouts about how unfair life is, I feel quite proud of my ability to have remained calm (that time) in the midst of the storm. I handle all her emotions because I know with confidence that she needs those very boundaries to learn and to feel safe. 

And then under my door the next morning is this:

And it KILLS me….my child has been robbed of the normal experience to just be angry at her mama sending her to her room because of this deep, dark fear of me abandoning her. So fearful that she has to beg me to forgive her when she doesn’t have to….when forgiveness flows like water in this house…and when the love I have for her is the most unconditional I have ever felt. 

We have overcome a lot of fears with WG over the years….general panic attacks, nightmares, bees sending her into a frenzy. But this fear we have to work on everyday, every chance we get and with every heart-felt “I love you” she gets. And I hope these small and large pieces of love that I get to pass on to her will carry her and her mental health on and over the waves of this storm. This too shall pass….

Adulting….

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adulting imageSometimes little flashes of realization come over me….and even though I’m 33 and fully a real-life adult, I still get weirded out by the fact that I’m ACTUALLY an adult. And this year particularly, I feel like I’ve made some big very minor adult life changes in my life…..and I’m not even talking about parenting because I still kind of feel like I’m my 16 year old self, babysitting my baby brothers in the summertime where laying selfishly in the kiddie pool sunbathing while they splashed around and squirted each other with squirt guns constituted “responsible caregiving”.

Real Estate stalking – 
I’ve been getting the itch for a bigger yard, some more space to play, an office, and a new neighborhood. Although we don’t plan on moving any time soon, it is pretty fun to peruse houses online AND watch an excessive amount of Fixer Upper on Netflix. I remember when we first laid eyes on our current home and I thought “we are so going to be here for the rest of our lives” (blame that on some newlywed Cinderella hormones I think). Especially adding two not-so-little kiddos into the mix here, I have changed my vision of a dream house. So if you know of any amazing gems out in the county (Scott says no Lynden), please send them my way!

Supplements – 
How come Mrs. Scanes or Mr. Adams didn’t talk about supplements in high school health or home economics? I have just started taking some supplements and I have felt a big difference in my energy levels and in the health of my skin and nails. And then when I ask other people about supplements and as it turns out, many of you have been taking supplements for years like it’s just a thing. So now I’m in the cool kids club….which isn’t that cool because it basically means your body can no longer handle life on its own and needs you to pump extra shmutza into it so it can operate properly. Lovely.
*Stay tuned for a future post when me and the hubby undertake a 30 day cleanse/detox which we start in one week. My first one ever and I don’t plan on liking it.*

Skincare – 
I have always gotten compliments on my nice healthy hair and skin….and I always downplayed that because I really didn’t do much to make it that way. I barely wash my hair or style it even and I was still using the same makeup and cleanser as I did in middle school. And now I’m wishing that I had relished in those nice compliments because my face is exploding with weird blemishes and gray hairs are just seriously popping out everywhere. Since I’m not a big fan of getting my hair done and colored, I decided that I could exert some sort of control over my skincare routines. When I received my first products to target this area, I had to do some serious googling about what toner even does and when it gets put on, but now I’m into it and loving the results. Each night after I apply my toner, moisturizing serum, and moisturizer, I feel like I just left the spa! I also got some magical Rose essential oil as an incentive prize and when I apply some of that….things just magically disappear and even out. Love that!

My lovely Grandma told me once that I would always envision myself as a 21 year old….and that no matter how old I got or what I looked like, when I pictured myself inside my head it would be my 21 year old self. Good thing I was so fashionable at 21…..oh wait.
21 year old - editNewsies hat + hoop earrings = all the rage in ’03. Happy adulting everyone!!!!

Happy Birthday WonderBOY!

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       This little big man is 8 years old today! I am so in love with his energy, a sensitive and affectionate nature, his love of his sister, and all the snuggles I get each morning from him. He continues to be in love with hot wheel cars, superheroes, basketball and nerf guns (this makes present shopping a breeze!). We are excited to celebrate him today with birthday treats at school and some fun family meet-ups this week. 

Please specially pray for:

– WB is grieving his relationship with his biological Mother right now and thinking about his birth story/birthday has been very hard and confusing for him….please pray for some contentment in his heart that God had and has a plan for his family. A place for him to grow and thrive and heal. ❤️

WonderGIRL + cell phone = ❤️

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But for her parents? The equation should look more like: WG + cell phone + 0 impulse control + extreme need for attention + reactive attachment defiance = ???? (translated: we are freaking out).

Here is our plan for how we are scaffolding the responsibilities of having and using a cell phone for our tweenariffic WonderGIRL. As a school counselor, who teaches internet and cell phone safety to students starting in 3rd grade, I have a pretty good idea of the dangers lurking and what simple, small behaviors that start at an innocent stage can turn into at later ages. This prompted us to create a contract outlining appropriate and inappropriate behaviors on her phone. They are very strict and we are aware of that (for example, not even sending a text message with a picture unless she asks for permission first) but as she earns more trust with her appropriate use, she will receive more privileges and freedom with her phone.

I may have already talked about this but WonderGIRL receives what we call “responsibility points” when she tells the truth after a mess-up, completes reading or a run without a reminder, does her chores right away without being asked, etc. She can get points taken away for repeated lying or getting to a “3” (in our house, that is how we redirect behaviors without getting into verbal battles each and every defiant move).
25 points – can use cell phone at home
40 points – can add one social media site (probably Instagram)
50 points – can take cell phone outside of house

Here is the contract we found online and adapted to fit our own needs. My favorite line is “parents have the right to take away your phone for whatever reason, at whatever time.” Yep and yep.

Since WG is realistically only 4 short years away from being 18 and living on her own, we wanted to create a real-life scenario of saving money and paying a bill. Each month, she will owe us a $15 phone bill charge in order to use her phone for that month. No money? No phone. Paid the bill but lost the phone due to breaking the contract? Tough life lesson. This has prompted some good conversation about other life skills and has also motivated her to ask for more “money chores” around the house which are extra chores we need done week to week. It’s a win-win for her and us when our house gets extra clean and she earns well-deserved compensation for her work and effort.

How are you navigating your child/tween/teenager and their cell phone use? Any wise tips you want to pass our way? I would love to hear them…..

Have younger children that you would like to start teaching internet safety and cyber citizenship to? Check out Netsmartz and Digital Compass, two websites that do a great job at scaffolding important information and engage kiddos and teens in critically thinking about their behaviors and choices online. This online world can be the Wild Wild West of our current age and it’s our job as parents to help children learn how to problem solve within that world before they are left to their own devices (pun intended).

The other side of Spring Break…

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There is much evidence to be found that our crew had a great time traveling down to PDX on a train and exploring such a fun city for the 4 days during our Spring Break. What there is definitely NOT photographic evidence of is the HARD that is traveling with kiddos that don’t respond well to new places, new spaces, and days that lack structure. The excitement of a trip feels scary to their trauma-wired brains and usually on the night before or morning of, our behaviors get a little out of whack. In my constant efforts to not only show the beautiful but also the messy…..here is some evidence of “the other side” of our vacation.This restaurant set the beautiful, serene, peaceful scene for WonderBOY to throw a chair and run out of the restaurant yelling “I hate Mama” at the top of his lungs….the trigger? Asking him to pick a breakfast item off the menu. Insert flushed cheeks from me while Scott chases after him to do some breathing in the hallway. WG and I continue on with breakfast….and I order an extra cup of coffee (and a mimosa).

Man….look at those cute kiddos posing in front of our super cool, somewhat haunted hotel. This spot will be marked in history as “that time the Uber driver drove 10 minutes across town, parked in front of our hotel, saw a 7 year old boy screaming and throwing a toy out into the lawn and then cancelled our ride telling us he had just come down with a fluke stomach thing.” That fluke stomach thing I like to call effective birth control…..you’re welcome Uber driver. Food trucks….one of the best parts of PDX. Here we had some fantastic street food and some equally fantastic eye rolling, talking to self, bawling and stomping off from our all-tween, all-hormones WonderGIRL. I am also sure that included some name-calling but if she has learned one thing in 2+ years with us it’s to walk away from the parents before calling them choice swear words. We looked like A+ parents as we continued our lovely meal at a table close by….luckily, people in Portland are probably the least-judgemental bunch around so we felt safe and comfortable waiting out this “storm” in front of this crowd. Two nights before in our teeny hotel room, we didn’t have the luxury of walking away, thus resulting in her yelling at me that “I ruined her entire vacation.” Pretty impressive for me to ruin something 1 hour into the trip I’d say.
Last morning in Portland and Scott and I finally ventured back to a breakfast spot introduced to us by our lovely Stori and Tausha (PDX experts). As we sipped our infused Bloody Mary’s (head to Genies next time you’re in Portland!), WG and WB are both pouting because tomatoes were in their egg scrambles. Eventually, WB got so tired of crying about the restaurant “not being kid friendly” and informing us that he couldn’t open his eyes because of the morning swim, he just fell asleep in my lap. Now that he is getting a bit too big for this sort of lap-sleeping, tables had to be shifted and I had to use quite a few muscles to reach that drink of mine to enjoy.

I post these little snippets of time here not as a way to get sympathy, or even as a way to educate you on “how our kids are different than yours” (vacationing with kids is anything but a vacation I get it), but mostly just to document both sides of our beautiful, messy story. The reality of our family is that each day is new and brings about fun adventures…fun adventures usually equal higher levels of cortisol pumping through their little bodies…..higher levels of cortisol equal pretty explosive and defiant behavior (I say stop, you do it 5 more times-type behaviors). And while it’s hard sometimes, I’d say our ratio of the fun to hard is at least 10:1 at this point and I definitely could not have said that 2 years ago. So here’s to growth…..and big dreams for longer and farther vacations in our post-adoption future.

Together in 2016 – 3 month check-in

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I ran across this online gem of an article this weekend while scrolling Facebook and I absolutely fell in love with the message and the phrase “a cycle of nourishment” when describing friendships and networks among women. My 2016 OLW is “together” so naturally, I found it helpful as I read through it to reflect on one of my goals to meaningfully connect with women outside of my family 3 months in…..

doterra women

One of my main goals to ensure wellness for myself this year was to intentionally plan (and follow-through with) connecting with other people outside of my home. One of the ways I have been successful with this is through my side gig that I have grown to love so much. When I first began, I was pretty adamant to not do the business side and to only benefit from the percentage off the products….but now, connecting with other mamas and families to encourage their physical and emotional wellness is often the highlight of my weeks. Not only do I rely on my essential oils to keep myself and my family in a good brain space, but when I reach out and serve others through this way, I consider that another form of self-care for myself. I get to be creative, social, AND earn a little side money for my family – what an amazing deal for all of us!

The image above accurately depicts this great company and how instead of competing with others on our team, we are helping each other reach their goals and reaping benefits of others’ compassion and creative efforts. So far with minimal effort, I have been able to completely pay for my kiddos to participate in their extra-curricular activities (those get expensive right???) and contribute to our vacation fund. Stay tuned for some re-caps from our Spring Break Train-cation we embarked on this week….a new adventure for TBD!

Are you interested in learning more about connecting with others and learning about how these essential oils can makeover your own family, body, or home? Message me for details on upcoming classes (I will be hosting one each month at my home) or we can meet up 1-on-1 to chat more. Feel free to drop your name and email address here if you want 2 emails per month (at the most) outlining our upcoming classes and specials.

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Happy Spring break everyone – I hope you are enjoying whatever “TOGETHER” time YOU are getting with loved ones with this week.