Can I have your attention please?!?

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Focus and attention are two primary concerns in our household. We struggle with WB and WG paying attention to our words, their own tasks and homework, and to the care and keeping of themselves. This will always be a daily struggle and we are charged with the job of being creative in how we can effectively manage life without going absolutely bonkers when repeating ourselves calmly 152 times.

But the kind of attention that we have worked REALLY HARD on changing the meaning of with both of our children is HOW we get attention, how we seek attention when we need it, and how we positively give it to safe people that we love. After childhoods filled with cycles of negative and positive attention for all the wrong reasons, we wanted to teach them both a few lessons here:

1. Sometimes people other than ourselves will get different doses of attention – and that is OKAY.
2. I can ask for attention when I need it (instead of acting out, talking like a baby, crying, creating a false injury/illness).
3. Positive attention includes eye contact, questions and responses to keep the conversation going, and calm tones of voices.
4. Just because someone gives me attention DOES NOT automatically mean they are a safe person or that they are close enough to me to kiss, hold hands, cuddle, etc.

I thought I would share a few strategies we use with our little wonders (many borrowed from multiple wonderful mamas and mommy-bloggers throughout the years) in order to teach these lessons on a daily/weekly/monthly basis.

Nightly “Talk Time”
As a way to practice social conversation skills and to creatively get some juicy tidbits about their days, we have started a short “interview” at the end of each night where each family member gets undivided attention while they share about their day.
Our four questions include:
1. What was your favorite part of your day?
2. What was your least favorite?
3. What did you learn today?
4. What are you grateful for?
This has become a valued routine in our home that can take place anywhere and with anyone (babysitter/family member) as a way to peacefully end the day and transition into bedtime.

backup sept 2015 1809 Family Date Night
Each year, we nervously head towards WonderGIRL becoming a teenager and diving into the world of dating so we are extra careful about how we talk about romantic relationships and love interests. As a way to show her how one partner should treat each other, we like to go on random family date nights. We get dressed up, flowers are sometimes given, head out to a fancy spot and practice our best manners and conversation skills. Although WB really loves the attention and “kid friendly” restaurants, I think WG gets the most out of these experiences as she has an amazing father figure in Scott to teach her how a true gentleman treats his love.backup sept 2015 416 backup sept 2015 418

 

More ideas to follow in a future blog post including our special birthday 1-on-1 time, “speed dating” game, and sunset reading marathons. Stay tuned!

DIY Cleaner Recipes

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Confession: I am not a clean person and in fact, I rather despise cleaning (cue all family members/former roommates nodding their heads emphatically). So it was a shock to my husband and even to myself, when last Spring, I got quite the bug to start some Spring cleaning. I purged my entire closet, organized cleaning/chore schedules for the kiddos and also dove into the world of DIY cleaners. And now that I have started, the creative part of the process is just as fun as saving my little family from toxins and chemicals coming into our house. It is also saving us some money as we haven’t bought a single cleaning product since beginning this venture last April (the ingredients needed for most of these recipes is cheap cheap and lasts a long time!!).

Most DIY cleaners take a combination of the following products (I keep these on hand to mix together whatever I need):
White Cleaning Vinegar (I put lemon rinds directly into the container to take away the strong odor)
Washing/Baking Soda
Dr. Bronner’s Castille Soap (we love lavender and citrus)
Powdered Citric Acid
Rubbing Alcohol (or substitute actual alcohol collecting dust in your cabinets)
Various Essential Oils (message me for details on which brand I love and why)

Here a few recipes that I love from the ebook DIY Natural Household Cleaners by Matt and Betsy Jabs. As you can see, I write the actual recipes right on the label so I don’t have to search through the book to “refill” the cleaner every so often. If it’s easy to do, we’ll keep doing it right????

TBD Clean: All-Purpose Shmutza
3 cups hot water
1/4 teaspoon liquid castille soap (we use Lavender scent)
4 tablespoons white vinegar
2 teaspoons borax
6 drops lavender, 4 drops rosemary
Combine ingredients in a spray bottle. Shake to dissolve borax.
** I like to add specific essential oils that will also help my family and my mood on a day to day basis since we use this spray the MOST in our kitchen and living spaces. I love the dual purpose this spray can serve. **

TBD Clean: Dishwashing Soap
1 cup liquid castille soap (we use Citrus scent)
3 tablespoons water
2 tablespoons white vinegar
10 drops wild orange essential oil
6 drops grapefruit or lime essential oil
Combine all ingredients in a squirt bottle and shake gently to mix (we just reused an old Dawn container – works great!). If formula looks like it’s leaving streaks, add 1/4 cup white vinegar to rinse water.
** Even though it doesn’t suds like normal soap, it is effective and you don’t have to use a whole lot for an entire sink load of dishes. **

TBD Laundry Detergent
2 1/4 cups liquid castille soap (we use Lavender scent to aid in our kiddos’ need for calm at all hours of the day)
1 cup water
1/2 cup white vinegar
1 tablespoon powdered citric acid
10-15 drops lemon essential oil
5 drops tea tree essential oil
Combine all ingredients in container with a pour spout (I use the blue glass container you see above from Target a while back). Shake gently to combine each time before adding to washer. It will separate after time and become paste-like so I don’t make huge batches at a time. This blue container takes our family of 4 about 2-3 weeks to get through. I also add some white vinegar (with lavender essential oil added) into the fabric softener portion of our washer to help keep our clothes nice and soft!

We really love our cleaners so far and my next adventure into the DIY world will be soaps and hygiene products (including DIY deodorant and lotions). I not only feel good about eliminating chemicals from our home, but I save time and money by creating our own products instead of adding one more item to our grocery list. If you’re interested in other recipes, please feel free to message me or peruse Matt and Betsy’s website.

Happy Labor Day everyone (hopefully you’re not doing too much cleaning today and getting a little relaxing in as well)!!

Dear teachers of WB and WG…

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At our staff retreat last week, we were asked to write letters sharing the hopes and dreams we have for our children (real or imaginary) entering our school building. It was an emotional and high-impact activity that inspired passionate and hard work for the next two days from our staff. I thought today, our first day of school, would be a perfect day to share that letter.

Dear staff,
Thank you in advance for your kind and compassionate care of my children. I know that your work is buried in thankless extra hours and efforts but I see it and I appreciate every moment of preparation and love you have poured into your students already before they even walk in the door.

My biggest hope for my children this year is that they GROW and thrive. I want them to grow in their confidence in reading and enjoy the books that they are reading. I want them to love math and be excited about solving larger problems. I want them to have strategies for moving past “not getting it” and be okay in messing up and trying again. I also want them to feel every day that their teachers only want them to try their best, not get 100% or a 4 on every assignment. I want them to feel good enough as a student, even if they are not at standard.

I dream that one day, my children will blend in with other children, and not stand out with behavior problems due to their traumatic past. I hope that staff views their behavior through a lens of trauma, not defiance. They learned these behaviors from extremely abusive adults and now, I hope different adults teach them about kindness, self-control, and perseverance through their own actions and the guidance they provide to them.

I want WG and WB to walk into a classroom with a teacher that greets them by name and looks them in the eye to honor the unique and important people they are. I want them to practice controlling their impulses, be allowed “re-do’s” and also learn how to solve conflict with peers in a more calm way than they can now. I hope that this school year is a stepping stone to the future in them becoming successful citizens with careers that make them feel purposeful and relationships with family and friends that are mutually respectful, trustworthy, and free of abuse.

But my biggest wish is that my children feel safe, comfortable, and loved unconditionally. Loved unconditionally during the days/times that they are compliant, calm, and working hard. But more importantly, loved unconditionally on the days/times that they are defiant, out of his or her seat for the 142nd time, or being aggressive to another child. Those are the days/times they need your love and guidance the most and as fiercely as you can give it.

Thank you in advance for changing my child’s world for the better….
Mama Brave Dinosaur  (Mr. WonderBOY reading me one of his favorite stories during “carpet time”)


TBD and “the system”

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There is a lot of talk in the foster world about “the system” which seems to include the state department, legal system, CPS, and all agencies that supports (term used loosely) the most vulnerable children in our communities/state. From my experience and in talking to other families, it seems as though dealing with the system is much more discouraging than some of the hardships that come with caring for the children and their various traumas. People reply to my complaints with “ya…the system” or “I’m sorry it’s just the system” or my favorite “the system just doesn’t work that way.”

One of the biggest emotional roller coasters for us has been the timeline with our wonders and moving things along – not for our benefit as silly impatient adults, but for two little ones who long to be a permanent piece in someone’s family puzzle. We want things to move along for them, their healing, and their future mental health. It is hard when one person promises us a termination trial in October, then to get a phone call the next week saying it has been, in fact, set for February. 5 months probably seems like such a short time in their legal world, but for a 13 and 7 year old child, this time just feels like a gamble – more time for things to change or for stability to be ripped away.

So that’s where we sit. Here, in the middle of no-man’s land where we dream of making these children our own forever, but in reality, we have no power over their lives. When one or both are struggling and the voice inside my head (both professionally and emotionally) know that one judge’s decision could significantly change that struggle for the better, I find it hard to find the reason and logic behind waiting so long. So I turn to this little inter-space to make sense of it all….why do we get all of the responsibilities, but none of the power? All of the appointments, and the documenting, and the medicine, and the late night tantrums yet our say means little in front of the court? It reminds me of this sage quote from one much wiser than I. ? Many commented on my last post about the irony/magic of Team Brave Dinosaurs’ acronym being TBD (God thing #439 in our story) because our little family is in a lot of different ways, to be determined…..and these frustrations really speak to that being true. 

Many people know that documenting gratitude is one of the most monumental ways we can shift our negative thinking into positive thinking. And since we know our thoughts control our feelings (or did you know that? Well now you do) – I want to intentionally shift my thinking so my heart and emotions come right along with it. The SYSTEM is the reason we have WG and WB in our lives in the first place. The SYSTEM listened to reports that they were in danger and removed them from harm’s way. The SYSTEM saved them. The SYSTEM made us parents and trusted two rookies with a very important job. The SYSTEM helped create our family and for that, I am grateful and shall remain that way for the months/years/endless moments to come before a judge gifts Team Brave Dinosaurs with a promise of forever. And if when those thoughts fail to take root in my brain, I will just love them fiercely and rely on forces more powerful than us to take charge.IMG_0847

TBD and our beloved Essential Oils

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Three months ago, I dove into experimenting with essential oils as a way to take charge of my family’s health, both physically and mentally. It’s been a fun way to not only care for their emotional and physical needs, but I have gotten a creative surge from creating recipes for rollerballs and diffusers around the home as well. The added bonus is that both my husband and my little wonders love the oils and ask for them on a daily basis.

How we most commonly use them:
1. Daily application for mood management – we use Vetiver, Cedarwood, Lavender, and the Grounding Blend (carried by coconut oil) on our bodies and feet. I have seen huge gains here in their capabilities to calm down quicker and move on to a different task since using this combination. We have been able to transition WonderGIRL off of her medication for ADD in part because the oils have had such an impact on her focus/irritability/mood.  I also rub it on WonderBOY’s feet before bedtime – he loves the massage (connection with Mama) and it has helped him go to bed without as big of a fight.

2. Supplements – now that volleyball and school meetings/schedules have started, I am not the best in eating regular and healthy meals. I have noticed a huge difference since starting the supplements in my digestive system and general energy throughout the day, even if/when I sneak in a fast food trip in between appointments.

3. Diffuser recipes – we love mixing up recipes in our diffuser to not only make our home smell nice, but get some emotional benefits as well. Our favorite family recipe reminds us of the ride “California Soarin'” from Disneyland (it includes Cedarwood, Rosemary, and Wild Orange). My favorite benefit has been the diffuser recipe (Respiration Blend + Frankincense) in our bedroom, significantly decreasing hubby’s snoring (and all the wives/girlfriends say…SIGN ME UP)!!!

4. Cleaning products/laundry detergent – we have been working hard to make our home toxin-free (encouraged by our support of this wonderful documentary) and making our own cleaning products has been super-charged thanks to our essential oils!

If you are interested in learning more about essential oils and the specific brand that I chose (after a LOT of research), I would love to chat more with you about it. Feel free to comment or message me on Facebook and I can point you in the right direction! I had heard about the oils for a while and needed a helpful friend to guide me and answer all of my questions (even at 11pm at night while I’m perusing the internet – thank you Amy!). Now I get to pay that forward…..

Disclaimer: This is my personal experience with the oils and what works for me. None of this should be taken as medical/psychiatric advice. I’m simply sharing a personal opinion about a product that I use and like because it’s significantly helped my family and because I enjoy the creative process of making various products.

On phone etiquette

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Amazingly hilarious list documenting the trauma of leaving that darn phone in your pocket….or on the nightstand (Scott) or on the coffee table (Scott).

From a less seasoned, but much opinionated writer (me) – is your phone really saving people the annoyance of a ringtone if you are hearing that awful “buzz buzz” all over the place? Not stealth people….but yes, you sound super popular because you’re in a huge group text and your friends are shooting poop emoticons back and forth while they should be working/parenting/exploring/living actual life.

One more unfortunate phone funny:

the birth of Team Brave Dinosaurs

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It is not news to anyone that all families go through multiple seasons….seasons of hard, struggle, pain and then seasons of calm, ease, and peace. Right now our little Team Brave Dinosaurs is in a bit of a season of hard – so I thought it might be helpful to my little blog but also for my heart for me to reflect on the start of our journey and all of the beautiful messes we created together when starting our family.

As many of you know, my husband and I had always planned to build our family first by adopting a child/children. We were open to many different possibilities of doing this although we had started working towards a possible international adoption. Many countries require a marriage of at least 2 years before applying so we were chugging along, enjoying our free time and quiet up until that point. God definitely had a different plan and in February of 2013, He asked us to take in two of His most loved, yet most broken. All we had to do was say “yes.”  Easy to type in a sentence, much harder to dive in and do. But we did.
We believe that their story up until that point is just that, THEIR story and I will not be diving into that story here on the blog.

When we picked up WonderGIRL and WonderBOY (WG and WB) from the DSHS office, they were SOOOO excited to be coming home with their school counselor. What a treat to see one of your teachers’ homes, kitchens, and even have a sleepover!!! I still remember WG’s exact three questions in the car as we drove to our house
1. When we have dinner, will we all eat together at a table?
2. Will you take us to church?
3. Do I call you Mommy?
Three questions from a very excited kiddo, but three questions that without any filter, highlighted her need for belonging, for love, and for help in her healing process.

We had absolutely NO kid-friendly items in our house – I blame my occupation for that, because all of the good stuff was in my office/classroom at school. The kiddos passed the time by sliding up and down our stairs, filling our house with the most genuine and uninhibited laughs I had ever heard.

We got to go on a Target shopping spree (Mama’s favorite!!!) for essential items that night. As we piled plastic plates, cups, class valentines, toothbrushes, etc. onto the conveyor belt and as the prices beeped onto the screen, WG was frozen and locked on the screen. As the total climbed, her head began to significantly droop. She turned to me as I pulled out my wallet, and said quietly, “I am so sorry. You really don’t have to pay for all of this.” To which I replied, “We want you to feel comfortable. We care about you. We will do whatever it takes to make you feel safe and at home while you stay with us.” This perked her up enough to walk hand-in-hand with me to the car as we left the store.

It’s funny that many of the rituals and routines we started that first week, we still do 19 months later. And many of our “firsts” (new experiences to them) are still activities we love doing together – movie theater dates, walking to the park, visiting the fire station, and sliding down those darn stairs (my poor banister).

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Going from zero kids and a relatively quiet house to parents of two was obviously a culture shock for hubby and I. We navigated that carefully, fumbled endlessly, and joked about not even being in the same chapter, let alone on the same page in the whole parenting game. Some of the most precious moments I will cherish with my husband were some of those first nights after we put the children to bed and we would process, cry, hug and really take in the impact of our new normal.

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Our second night together was Valentine’s Day so we brought the children to a romantic date at Red Robin. You can see in the picture above how shy and clingy both were in public – for those of you that know them now, it is shocking to see them so still!!! At dinner, WG was very honest in saying that the words “family”, “foster”, “mom”, “dad”, etc. made her feel uncomfortable. We discussed that instead we were a TEAM and Scott and I were their coaches. We called the shots and kept everyone safe. Of course we needed a team name and identity so each child got to pick one word to describe our team. I’m sure this doesn’t surprise anyone that WG chose “brave” (I might have said crazy at that point in time) and sweet 5 year old, all-boy WB chose “dinosaurs”. It obviously stuck and thinking about that conversation brings the sweetest sense of peace to my heart because it was the first family decision we made together. Both children finally had a voice and control – 11 and 5 years too late, but we were ready to make up for lost time in that realm as quickly as possible.

We are #soblessed to have these two in our life and honored to have the opportunity to change their seemingly dark path and point it towards the light. They fill our hearts with unspeakable joy, passion, and love (along with wall dings, endless cereal droppings, and laundry but who’s keeping track). More on our story and a current legal update will be coming in a later blog post – thanks for reading and to most of you reading this, thank you for supporting us through the start of it all and continuing through the present.

Summer Book Report

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My summer months are full of library holds, navigating due dates and a long list of book suggestions as this is one of the only seasons I have time or energy to read. I love reading alongside our kiddos to model what reading for enjoyment can look like. One of my favorite activities we did this summer was called “bedtime reading marathon” where my little wonders (13 and 7 y.o.) got to stay up as late as they wanted but ONLY IF they read the whole time alongside me. It was a fun way to connect and show the calming effects of reading before bed or anytime it may be needed for an escape.

Here are a few reviews of the books I read this summer (click on books for links):IMG_2701-0.png

Me Before You by JoJo Moyes
I saw this book all over blog book reviews and instagram so I thought I would make it my first summer read. It was a great quick read with captivating characters. I loved the give and take of the two main characters but the plot was a bit predictable. Overall, a good summer/beach read.

We Are Called to Rise by Laura McBride
LOOOOOVVEEDDD this book. Many different characters and their twisty, complicated stories coming together after a tramautic event. I saw this at the suggestions table at our library and snatched it up quickly. The psychologist in me really enjoyed “diagnosing” the characters or dreaming about what they needed to heal but the way that the author wove everything together was magic

Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel
This book took me a while to get into. Set in the future after a huge flu wipes out the human population USUALLY isn’t my cup of tea. I kept chugging through and then just wanted to finish but I still wasn’t pleased with the ending. It was hard for me to see the connections between all the characters and decades of relationships. Interesting concept but missed the mark with me.

Less by Mark Lesser (ironic author’s name yes?)
I had heard about this book from The Lively Show podcast (one of my favorites) about simplifying our time, being more intentional about what we do, and saying no. These principles seem so basic yet in practice, are so hard. As I head into a new school year where I plan/hope on creating a more mindful school environment with our students and our staff, I got a lot of excellent nuggets of knowledge from this book that I had to write down in my planner. I wanted to write them down to look back at, think on, and let “marinate” in my mind to put into practice. I highly recommend this book to any stressed out, overworked mamas or anyone looking to shift their mindset from the glorified “too busy” to an “intentional” schedule. I could devote many blog posts to this (and probably will) so I will leave my review at this – READ IT!

The Royal We by Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan
I am in the middle of this very LONG book and will say that I am somewhat engaged in the story. The Royal family does intrigue me but I am not obsessed enough to see the comparisons in this story. I do enjoy the romantic plot line and learning about English culture so that piece is fun for me and I will read this one to end my summer as a light and enjoyable book. I enjoy that it takes place in real time and that the co-authors title the sections of the book by year (heading into the current 2015 year). This episode of the The Lively Show sparked my interest as the two authors spoke about their writing process, which I found interesting enough to check out the book from my local library.

My “on-deck” books include Anchored, Big Magic, and Rising Strong. I sense a theme of inspiration and empowerment in those three titles – perhaps a subconscious message of what I may be needing here in the next couple of months as our foster to adopt journey coasts/creeks along.

What are you reading this summer? What should I add to my requests at the library?

Continue reading →

Cheers to 3 years

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 What I see in the above picture is JOY – our beloved friends and family cheering us on after our vows. What I feel when I look at this picture is TRIUMPH. Overcoming a tricky road to get to our wedding day and 3 years later, still working on our insecurities and processing our pasts to be the best spouse we can be for each other and now, for our children.
I am proud to call this man my loyal husband and father to our family and I aim to make him proud of me each and every day. Thanks for loving me and enduring my crazy for the past 5 years hon – when you meet a girl that looks like a high schooler in Haiti, you should’ve known what you were in for. Cheers to many more years (and kids and craft projects and nagging and sinks full of dishes to wash after your 48 hour shifts)….

P.S. See? I told you I wouldn’t post a sappy Facebook picture of us. That’s what the new blog is for.

A blog is like so 2009….

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And I am completely okay with that. Now that all of the sparkly pretty blogs are popular, making money, attracting gazillions of views a day, I can squeeze in and do what I want. Write random musings of my chaotic, but mostly boring life while possibly making you laugh. Maybe I could spread a little website goodness around to others looking for a quick minute of inspiration, advice, and perhaps just a bit of escape whenever you need it.

A little bit about the name of my blog – I am obsessed with oxymorons. Words strung together that shouldn’t be together but normal people kind of like that because when do words, things, people ever go together without a little bit of contradiction and mess right? Oxymorons make me (and my lovable but crazy family) feel NORMAL. Imagine true shenanigans….go ahead, close your eyes….is it a circus behind those eyelids? a playgound filled with 2 year olds? your bathroom? your hoarding room that you always have to shut the door before peeps come over? your heart?

Loving these little annoying phrases might be the libra in me coming out in full force. Two scales trying to find balance, forcing her even keel on everyone, indecisive….you name it, I fit it. I love being organized, but I am terribly messy. I love food, but hate to cook. I hate clothes, but love shopping. I love road trips, but really hate driving. I long for social relationships, but will often choose a quiet night at home over a raucous night out. I hate conflict, yet I’m pretty good at solving it.

My list could go on and on, yet here is my main truth – my life, like all of yours, is filled with stressors like two jobs, foster kiddos, traumatic backgrounds, abusive stories, homemaking and my own ridiculously high standards of living – this is my shenanigans. And the only way I know how to simplify that madness is to simply EMBRACE it. Label it as my normal, my daily purpose, and love it for making me the person I am today.

My intentions for SIMPLE SHENANIGANS –
1. A consistent place to write down my thoughts, my inspirations, my story to be preserved forever.
2. Spread a little mama/girl love to my friends and family with links, resources, articles that might help with life, choosing joy, parenthood, Bachelor in Paradise commentary, or whatever else might spring to life here.
3. Not be annoying (if I’m being honest, that is my goal in most new and vulnerable situations).