Tag Archives: mental health

On WG’s adulting adventures

Posted on by

There has been a LOT of emotions surrounding WonderGIRL’s 18th birthday….not just recently because of the sudden loss of her first mother a month ago….but we have been talking about this transition for the past YEAR in therapy. Since WG doesn’t have many peers in the same life season or with the same life history as she does, her frame of reference for what being “an 18 year old” actually looks like is largely based on fantasy, movie/tv show reality, and a history of irresponsible people in her life who were supposed to be the “adults.”

We knew we had to be careful with how we talked about this transition and how we approached her emotions with it….but also how we scaffold what it does actually mean to be an adult and start assuming responsibility for parts of her life she can have some agency over.

We made a list of some “adulting adventures” to try out the week of her birthday (and had some great suggestions from FB so thank you circle of influence)….each day she resisted and tried to negotiate out of each one, but afterwards, I could see the pride in her heart and eyes with what she accomplished all on her own.

Adventure #1 – learning to navigate public transit using bus schedules and our iPhone. Also, returning product to a retail store.
Adventure #2 – PAPERWORK. WG applied for further disability support by going through her (very thick) medical and IEP files to find appropriate documents, then scanned and emailed to our social worker. She also called Children’s Hospital to check on the status of her survey and applied for a state ID card through the DMV. She thought this task was by far the most exhausting. All mamas agree!!
Adventure #3 – these two volunteered at the Food Bank in the morning and rode the bus home without an adult. Then we took the rest of the day to enjoy ourselves, pamper our bodies and treat ourselves to a fun night in a nearby hotel room. Self-care is something I have been very intentional in showcasing to her through easy and hard times in our family.
Adventure #4 – grocery shopping on a budget. WG was given $50 to buy breakfast/lunch supplies for a week as well as plan and cook a family meal for 4. Our taco feast this night was delicious and she did amazing at calculating how much she was spending each step of the way.
Adventure #5 – Mrs. Fix It! This was a suggestion from Facebook and honestly I needed the tutorial as well. Learning what each tool is for followed by the task of fixing a broken board in her bed. She surprised both parents with how quickly she picked this up!

And to reward our sweet girl, her actual birthday consisted of NO responsibilities….just a day at home (her request) with close family and friends stopping by throughout the day to show their love. Thank you to those of you that took time out of our family holiday to spread the love to our little lady!!!

I will probably share more of her journey a bit later on the blog but both Scott and I have been commenting on a feeling of “turning a corner” in our journey with WonderGIRL. We are hopeful that growth is sprouting in big ways right now and that the harvest of strength and maturity to take on her own life is coming. Prayers and good vibes toward this are GREATLY appreciated.

Yay to May!

Posted on by

There are so many things I love about May. The spring sunshine and new growth. My break between club volleyball and high school seasons. People excited to be coming out of houses and socializing a bit more. Celebrating successes of students and planning for goals and growth for the coming school year.

May is also Mental Health Awareness month…one of the things I love most about my job both as a school counselor and sharing essential oils is reducing stigma around mental health. I believe we all are at different points on the spectrum from illness to wellness and that “point” can change from life season to season or even day to day. I love connecting with teachers, parents and students around their mental health and just by talking about their anxieties, symptoms, etc. we are bringing the darkness into light and finding solutions to these common struggles.

If you’re interested in learning more about mental health, click here for a 31 days of education workshop (watch videos at your own pace)! The first topic is PTSD which is the MAIN struggle in our house on a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute basis….loved the tips shared here. 7-8 out of 100 people struggle with PTSD (spoiler alert: it is NOT just for military personnel, but affects most foster children and first responders in a heavy way).

Next week, the girls and I get to travel to Atlanta, Georgia for this amazing conference. As most of you know, I am passionate about helping WonderGIRL turn her story into a story for good and for justice and action. She (and BraveGIRL) applied to be youth representatives for a local organization and were gifted this trip and this experience. I am so excited to support them throughout this conference and be in community with other activists and sexual violence survivors.

On all the shootings…

Posted on by

Here is the truth – I go dark when there is a school shooting. I obsess over the news and my husband has to force the tv off. I have massive anxiety at school. I run around and check our crisis plans at school and annoy all my people trying to find it and check it’s validity. I read all the Facebook posts and get sad over and over. My husband tells me sadly that he knows in this situation, I would most definitely sacrifice my life for the life of my students (as is reverse for his first responder self as well). But mostly I hope that I won’t have the reoccurring nightmare that’s been haunting me since One Tree Hill’s school shooting episode way back when. I get anxiety because what I know is that people/kids that do this are STRUGGLING. Whether it’s mental health, childhood abuse or family/attachment dysfunction – the hurt is so bad that they feel it has to come out in this most brutal way. And my entire life’s work is working closely with these people and these children and working tirelessly to make sure it doesn’t happen here.But my work stops at 3:30 in the afternoon. And it stops when a family can’t access mental health resources due to language barriers or insurance barriers or an incredibly long waiting list barrier. And unfortunately it stops when people blame guns (although I think gun control is a needed topic to discuss) or politicians (although I think there are obvious problems here) or parenting styles (although shifts in society are concerning to me in this realm too). So what can we do? We can love. And we can report suspicious activity and suspicious people. We can pray. We can teach our children that reporting is a life-saving behavior, not “narking”. We can monitor our childrens’ social media and teach them about the harmful effects of comments like “KYS” (kill yourself) and other such anonymous feeling disses. We can attack bullying head on with clear policies and an increase in social/emotional lessons teaching empathy and how to manage stress. But most of all, we can love. On kids that our ours and the ones that are not. Love on the kids that have no one and on the ones that seem to have everything but when they go home and lock themselves in their room to hurt others online, show that they are truly alone.

Now to get back to that work with my own hurting little beings in my home and in my school…..one day at a time. ❤

Click here for a great article on how to talk with your children about school violence.

On what they need to see in a marriage….

Posted on by

As I have talked about multiple times on the blog, my sweet husband and I’s relationship has been a blessed but rocky road of overcoming many things (as many marriages are). We began seeking counseling before we were married and continue to work on our relationship and our own baggage and trust issues from childhood.

Now that our marriage is an example for our children heading into the real world, I constantly reflect on what we are showcasing to them on a daily basis and whether or not it will help or hurt them build a solid long-lasting relationship to start their own families.

And at the beginning of our placement with the Wonders, I would feel soooo guilty about any fighting or arguing that happened in front of the kiddos. They would hear our snarky voices or us walking away from each other in anger…..or they would observe our passive aggressive actions and comments that we tried to disguise in “adult language.” We would try and include them in the restore and forgiveness stage of this conflict so they could learn that arguing doesn’t always lead to someone leaving (a message engrained in their minds and hearts from childhood) but sometimes I still wondered if it was ruining their hopes of this new family environment being perfect in every way for them.

But OUR wonders may need to see something different than other children who have been raised in a healthily attached home. Just like our relationship is burdened with triggers and ghosts from a traumatic childhood, theirs will be too. They will struggle with trusting their partner, crippled with fear that something bad is always going to happen, unable to enjoy a positive period because of that imminent fear…..and these things will drain them and their partner be harmful to their relationship IF they don’t know any ways to get through this.

What I hope and pray they see in our marriage is:
– as many “I forgive you’s” as apologies
– even when mean words are said, we restore and come back together
– no one ever leaves (and if they do, it’s a coping strategy and they always come back)
– daily choosing to commit to their partner no matter what they have been through (and multiple home decor signs documenting this just in case we forget – wink wink)
– respectful language around feelings and actions, not blaming and accusations
– this relationship is HARD WORK…..and that hard work needs to happen often for it to survive
– tears and strong feelings mean the relationship is important, not that that the relationship is doomed to end
– non-perfect people make non-perfect marriages –> and imperfection means a huge need for communication, emotional coping skills, and forgiveness

on my “why”….

Posted on by

I’ve had a few people ask me lately about all of the different things I do and how busy/hard-working I must be….so I thought I would share a little bit about my very intentional purposes in CHOOSING (because I don’t like the term “too busy”) what I engage in and the amazing people I get to engage WITH along the way.

As a counselor, I am in love with the concept and reality of each person having a story. Stories that involve relationships, ups and downs, milestones and miseries, and everything in between. And the more I learned about and experienced these stories first hand or through my profession, I became obsessed intrigued by the stigma around all things “hard” in those stories. We, as Americans, have a really hard time talking about our struggles…..as if those struggles = failure. The stigma around mental health in particular is one that I am passionate about. Both in my field of counseling, but also in my newer passion of natural wellness through essential oils – I am driven to break down these walls and invite people to openly share struggles with ALL steps of their journey. We are usually fairly open about physical ailments, but the relational, mental, and emotional struggles have an entire set of different “social norms” that hurt us by keeping them hidden.

Mamas, in particular, have a hard time sharing struggles. It is all too easy to compare ourselves to the perfect Instagram Mamas and Pinterest inspiration and feel like we’re never doing enough. Along with that comes anxiety, depression and insecurities about our everyday lives. But by sharing those struggles with others, it opens up the opportunity to welcome and receive SUPPORT and help for those very struggles. And the ripple effect is that others feel open and honest in sharing their struggles too (the biggest way to combat social stigma is by sharing about your own – easier said than done of course).

So this is why I do what I do….bringing stories out of the dark and into the light, stepping out of my comfort zone to involve myself in others’ struggles to hopefully be helpful (or sometimes just to be available, no action needed), and every once in a while, empowering kids and parents with tools they might need to relieve even just a fraction of a struggle…..victory and miracle achieved.Feel free to follow along on my RootedWELL Instagram page – right now there’s a super cute video of WonderBOY filling up his oils keychain for school (melt my heart). All things family wellness posted there…..