“she will RISE with a spine of steel and a roar of thunder”…..and she did just that. Happy graduation day sis!!
We couldn’t be more proud of you and the amazing human being you’ve turned into. Continue to shine your light for all to see and always remember you’re so much more than what has happened to you.
A look back at each grade….the photos (sorry sis), the memories, the favorite teachers, and lessons learned! Enjoy!
5th grade
This is the year I met my WonderGIRL. She was new to our elementary school (since moving in with her Grandma the summer prior) and very excited to meet with me whenever she had the chance. I had a special lunch for all of our new Nooksack students and left a small paper invite on her desk the day of the event. She bounced in enthusiastically and was instantly the life of the party. Long story short….after that day, we had weekly meetings uncovering crisis after crisis outside of school, which led to a disclosure, which led to placement in foster care, which led to a final spot in our home. At the end of the school year, we cleaned out her backpack and tucked inside a little pocket was the invite from me to the special lunch she had saved…..when I asked her why she saved it, her reply was “It was the first time I had ever received an invitation to anything.” (insert heartbreak here).
I am BEYOND grateful for the staff at NES for their support of WonderGIRL and little bro (and ME) this school year. The pursuit of their foster placement then inviting them to our home, then working through childcare and juggling my life as a new and instant parent was as HEAVY and chaotic lift and this staff held me and the kiddos above water daily and I will never forget these months in transition with them. They were equal parts therapists, feeding specialists, bodyguards (against bio family), and most importantly, our cheerleaders every step of the way.
Middle School 6th-8th grade
Well….I was going to try to go year by year but this entire season of our life was a bit of a blur. As the honeymoon phase ran out in our home for both kiddos, middle school was a TOUGH time for WonderGIRL. She was facing insurmountable trauma with a looming criminal trial against her bio father (where she had to testify in person) and at the same time, trying to attach and be cared for by our family. School had always been a safe place where WG could leave the troubles of home and create her own world of personality, attitude and stories to get what she needed…..and middle school was no different. We learned how to tackle missing assignments and homework (with minimal bumps and bruises), managing multiple teachers and expectations (very challenging for kids with trauma still early in attachment skills), and a lot of lessons in friendships – the creating and keeping of quality relationships during this stage was hard.
During her 7th grade year, we got to adopt WG and going to the school to tell her she was legally free to adopt is one of my favorite memories of this time. Her teachers rallied around her excitement and shared the joy as if they were in our family as well.
8th grade was a bit of a minefield with behaviors and academics – but we survived and were ready for a fresh start in a new home and new school district.
Freshman
Since moving to Ferndale, we knew that WG would start her career at Ferndale High School (my alma mater) and I was excited for her to experience new opportunities, new classes, and new students to create friendships with here that lived close to us. She had mixed feelings about the teachers knowing me and all her uncles, but loved taking a variety of classes (especially culinary!) and jumped head first into trying to make new friends (although she would report she could have made some better choices in this arena). All in all, it was a bit of a rough year but we survived and learned some lessons along the way.
Sophomore
After we evaluated our safety concerns with WG at the public high school and doing some research, we decided to enroll her at a tiny private school down the road from us. We were confident with a small class size and one teacher for an entire day, WG would be able to cope appropriately with her social-emotional needs, and be able to access academic learning. This year, she met Ms. Hanson, literally a teacher angel sent down from heaven, to be WG’s teacher. WG instantly felt connected to her and trusted her (two vital precursors to kids with trauma being able to learn) and later we found out that this teacher had a trauma and adoption history of her own….her understanding and protection of WG this year was such a blessing to our family.
The structure and predictability that this school provided for WG created a “trauma-responsive” school setting that truly allowed WG to grow academically in big ways. We began to see growth not only in her assignments, but in her truth telling, friendship skills, and trust in us as her caregivers.
Junior
Because of Ms. Hanson, we decided to try another year at this school. The growth continued. WG now had a best friend from the school that she was inseparable with and started dating, both milestones that created a lot of lessons (and some grief and loss) this school year. Our beloved Ms. Hanson had to leave before the end of the school year, thus proving the only thing keeping WG at this particular school was the felt safety and care that she provided. Plus we felt WG had made some huge improvements in her behavior, trustworthiness, and academics enough to be ready to finish her schooling at FHS.
Senior
We are so proud of WG this year finishing stronger than ever academically, socially, and beyond. When hearing the results of her cognitive and academic testing for her special education plan, our team was in awe of her jump in scores in every area. I knew that her inner healing from daily (forced) movement and oils, private school, years of counseling, and other methods had done wonders…..but it was nice to hear them in number/evaluation form too.
This was also the year she finally received her spinal fusion surgery (originally scheduled a year prior). That journey is an entire story on it’s own. Click here to read.
WG’s goal this year was for peers and teachers to see her as completely different than her freshman year. And I’m hoping they did….because we do! Ending the year, she already started a job as a caregiver at a local assisted living home, has a wonderfully sweet boyfriend, and is working on financial savings to start paying bills to truly transition to “adulthood.” Next up – graduation and our grad party with our amazing network of supporters…..all the celebrations for how far she has come and how far we believe she can go from here!
May was a busy month! Which is weird to say after over a year of a global pandemic and most normal activities being shut down or dramatically reduced…..here are a few memorable things that happened last month in photo form.
I have been dreaming about a solo camping retreat for a while….and Mother’s Day seemed to the perfect weekend to ask for it. My hubby transported the trailer back and forth and I got to enjoy an entire weekend of my own food that I enjoy, fire and walk schedules when I wanted to do them, and the entire stereo only playing songs I enjoyed! It was glorious.
My husband did call once for a parenting decision around game time and I promptly gave him authority and the experience of being the bad guy and hung up – no “Mothering” for me this weekend!!! (He was thrilled I am sure).
For a brief time in my 20’s, I lived alone in a small one-bedroom apartment. Many folks told me I would hate it due to me being so social…..but in contrast, I really loved living alone and miss it sometimes. Although I am fairly extroverted, I highly value quiet time, actual silence and being in charge of my own space (and consequent mess) so this weekend was a great little refresher back to that life. With full time school underway, this weekend was a great way to replenish my soul and energy for the homestretch to summer!
If you are a camping family and have been thinking about something like this, I HIGHLY recommend. It was easy for my hubs to pull off and I felt a huge shift in my energy and mood afterwards. I also think a few terrific lady campers all lined up in a row could make for a run weekend as well (wink wink…..let’s make it happen).
This month is Foster Care Awareness Month. I am partipcating in an Instagram challenge to share different pieces of our story each day. Some of it is hard to capture in words…..partly because it hurts to remember some of it and because I want to be mindful that my children are out there and on social media – sharing their story without their consent is always a hard balance. So I will try to just share my side and my personal experiences……
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Way more content on trauma, attachment and responding to behaviors needs to be added. As well as secondary trauma and caring for yourself as foster parents. Even for ongoing training hours, all you have to do is watch a movie and give evidence of what you learned.
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The system has….how much the children cost, the caseload overload of the case worker, reunification requirements of the bio family, checking off due dates for paperwork in mind, and the interest of the children in mind.
? ?? ???? ?? ??? ???? ?? “???? ???? ????”.
THAT IS THE POINT. It will be too hard to have that be the reason to not offer a safe home to kiddos in desperate need. The time they spend with us is nothing but planting seeds, watering and tending to the soil, and crossing fingers/hoping there is a bountiful harvest.
? ??? ?????? ?? ???? ?????????/supported/funded.
The system is chaotic. There are no checks and balances, just the subjective opinions of case workers and supervisors. The policies are loosely followed and when asked about them, you as the foster parent will be labeled as “difficult” for questioning their process/motives.
? ??? ???????? ??? ?? ????? ?? ???? ???.
Nothing about a foster child’s experience is lucky. They are experiencing grief and have trauma stuck inside their bodies like a toxic poison that refuses to leave. Depending on the age of the kiddo, this trauma comes out in a myriad of ways….most of the time in ways that no one would describe as lucky.
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Most of them had “love”….as far as they felt it. All they actually need is: safety, boundaries, advocate for healing, consent over their world, a transition support plan after they turn 18…..
Some of these experiences are just due to unfortunate circumstances in our particular story, others seem universal from talking to others and some are just my opinions formed from experiencing it as a professional trained in childhood trauma and mental health. It can be better….but without highlighting the dysfunction and addressing the complete lack of pay/support for the organization….I continue to be sad for all children placed in and experiencing “the system”. Many foster parents become “one and done” never usually due to the child, but the complete unfairness of loving:caring for the child within the system. ?
Thanks for reading/listening!!! And per usual as a foster parent, I should say: all of this dysfunction is worth it for the child…..because the outcome of not even trying is so incredibly worse. And YOU may be lucky and get the diamond in the rough caseworker that makes it all worth it for YOU (@rachelbowlden).
From Spring Break to the boys birthdays to a lot of transitional milestones for WonderGIRL, this was a busy month!!! Here are some my fave photos…..
Our WonderBOY is officially a WonderTEEN…..so many changes in his body, voice, and behaviors within the past year and seeing him as a young man is making me want to slow down time!
One thing I want to remember about the pandemic and stay at home is how much healing happened for WB….he is truly a creature of habit and connection and this time at home has truly been a gift for him and all of us. From stress and holes in wall the first month to sleeping in his own bed and a much better response to his anxiety and anger now. We are so very proud of you!!!
Wow – it is pretty amazing to think this month marked one year since school (and the community) shut down to slow down the spread of Covid-19. We were in a dark place within our family this time last year….so I’m happy to look back on March 2021 with some positive and happy memories of life together with others.
Celebrating our last home game and our two very special seniors, Jamie and Libby. Nothing was normal for these two as they had to sacrifice many senior traditions due to Covid – but not this one. Our entire program contributed to make their night super special – that ended with a big win against Nooksack, their last memory at our home court.
Our first camping trip of the season – these sunsets, admiring WonderBOY growing and maturing while we chat at the fires, time to slow down, read and cuddle with our camping kitties.
I got to cash in two gift certificates to a local small-business, Kara’s Beauty Barn, and enjoyed the most delightful facial (and took advantage for their sauna)….perfect relaxing reward for the end of volleyball season!
And the official pick up for her cap and gown on the last day of March….in WonderGIRL’s words, “Well this makes it real now.”
….and this last year in our global Pandemic.
Obviously, we are a hardcore camping family and love to go in all seasons. Some of the things we love about camping is actually some of the perks I have appreciated about the pandemic this past year and how it has influenced our pace of life and activity choices. I love that we have been forced to slow our pace of life down…with activities cancelled and so many places closed, we stayed at home a bit more and had to utilize the resources that we ALREADY had to enjoy, entertain, organize, etc.
This past year, rest and recovery was ENCOURAGED (versus shamed and an afterthought for many). And the main entertainment and activity was just being together. Oh ya and of course a renewed appreciation for the companionship of our furry friends.
And perhaps the greatest Pandemic perk – the idea that NATURE is always open. Walks, hikes, pretty sunsets, camping trips…..the absolute wonder and beauty of the outside really struck me this past year and I want to keep that in my heart and in my priorities moving forward.
What are some of the “rememberings” of this past year that you want to keep as part of your routine and schedule moving forward?
As our season ends, I want to acknowledge the difficult emotions that members from Asian and Pacific Islander backgrounds were already experiencing, now exacerbated by the tragic shootings last Tuesday in Georgia. I also want to apologize for historically not posting a similar stance for our BIPOC players and families in the midst of equally atrocious violence throughout this past year.
Ferndale Volleyball stands on it’s core standards of Trust, Effort, Attitude and Mental Toughness – TEAM 1st….which includes creating an environment that is safe and inclusive of ALL players, regardless of any demographic factors, so they can reach their full potential both on and off the court. I am proud that we are one of the most diverse programs in Whatcom County and our coaching staff is committed to denouncing and quickly responding to any form of hatred, discrimination or bullying within our program. To our AAPI players and families – we see you and love you as part of our collective Ferndale team forever.
Thank you to the players that I have witnessed being brave and posting anti-racism campaigns on their social medias for their peers to see. We are proud of you for taking a stand and leading by example. You will help change this world into a better place for all future volleyballers….
United in our love for the game and hatred of boards,
your Ferndale Volleyball coaching staff