I’ve only written 13 blog posts this year – my quietest writing year yet. Although the written words have been missing, my brain (and iPhone notes) have been alive with an almost overwhelming amount of thoughts, action plans, new understandings and unlearning of things I thought I knew. I do know for certain that 2020 was a monumental year for our family – some pretty tragic things happened that changed the gameplan for our future…..as well as some miracles that gave me hope along the way.
I want to capture those contradictory circumstances somehow here….for future generations to read and learn from our mistakes and our wins. To reflect on this historical year of 2020 and all that it was in the world, in our culture, and in my teeny tiny family as well. While I don’t have a whole lot going on this week (besides holding a few things together by a thread – see below image), it is my intention to reflect and wrap things up with some blog posts so stay tuned…..and join along in this reflection party if you’d like! I would love some (virtual) company!
To be honest, this year didn’t look a whole lot different for us….we learned early with the kiddos (this is our 6th Christmas with our Wonders!) that a ton of events around this holiday is NOT healthy for any of us. So just like in years past, we spread out family gatherings (and used masks when appropriate), we had a slow Christmas morning with minimal presents and stimuli, and increased the answer “yes” to many of their requests.
Here are a few happy pictures I want to remember from this year:
New happy jams – and the perfect Christmas card picture we took the day after I ordered our Christmas cards. Just the way 2020 worked for all of us…..bad timing!
Waiting for Daddy to get off work was hard!
New DJ set….
Vampire diaries swag.
All the cat toys!
Watching WW1984 as a family!
And because it’s funny – I went crazy with the Snapchat filters on Savannah and he hated every moment of it. Scott at work thoroughly enjoyed however.
I have been so lucky to live so close and have this woman in my life for my entire life – today she turns 90!!!! Her strength and stories of the ups and downs of motherhood are my favorite….
I got a very special visit yesterday and got to gift her some special video love from all of her grands and great grands.
Much needed for both of our spirits.
Happy birthday Gramma!!! Oodles and oodles of love….
Today was my Mom’s last day of work at a credit union she’s been at for 36 years!!! I have so many memories of her at work and all of the incredible people she has worked with so I can’t even imagine how bittersweet this might feel for her…..
Without the ability to throw a party, her coworkers (and us family members) got to be creative in how to celebrate her and her legacy of hard work and dedication to this place and their members.
The siblings and I each took a day to deliver a surprise to her for her last week. My day was Thursday but since I also had to work, we did a little secret mission Wednesday night for her to see the next morning.
Her coworkers organized a video with past colleagues sharing messages of love and appreciation so we joined in the fun with a little addition from her kiddos. Click here to see video.
As with any retirement, this brings up wonderings about my impact and how colleagues and clients will view me 30 years from now. I love thinking long term and keeping this big picture in mind to help clarify and motivate me for all the little stuff I do now…..
Happy retirement Mom!!! We’ll have to come up with some creative ways to keep you from being bored here in the next couple of weeks…..
This bike and app has gotten me through one of the darkest years I’ve experienced so far.
Working out in short bursts by myself at home is the key combo for me….someone prone to disordered exercise, calorie counting and shameful body comparison. I am sad it has taken me so long to figure it out but am grateful to this little Peloton family I have cultivated to join me on rides and celebrate the milestones with!!!
I have exercised more days than not this year which I can’t say has really happened since college!!!
These two little guys were rescued from a no-good, ugly situation (thank you Rescue Pet Vet) and since our family is pretty good at accepting and loving on siblings from no-good, ugly situations….we couldn’t pick just one and separate them.
Introducing Hamilton and Hallford – our Wonders’ first last names and part of what makes M and T so special and so strong. We wanted to honor that piece of their world as well as their first Mom Maria Hallford who passed away earlier this year.
And yes we now have 4 cats. And yes I’m a crazy cat lady. And yes they’re going camping with us. I think that covers all the questions….
Scott adds: “And yes I was as surprised as you are.” (hehe he was on shift – we went for one, came home with 2!)
OOF – I was NOT prepared for how hard it was going to be to support WonderGIRL’s recovery at home from this procedure. Up all night, trying to manage the excruciating pain and pain meds, and the needs of other members of our family was something I am sure newborn parents know the demands of, but we had never experienced.
Luckily, brother and Dad were great helps in keeping her brain distracted from the pain (shows she binged: Vampire Diaries (again), The New Girl, Julie and the Phantoms) and going on walks in the sunshine.
The care and exchanges that happened during this time were so powerful for WG to attach to me….something that hadn’t happened in 6 years of her living with us. Many do not know, but WG has suffered from reactive attachment disorder for most of our time together – meaning she very easily trusts and attaches to most humans, but hasn’t to us, her caregivers and especially me, her mother. Up until this point, she hasn’t come to me for help when needed, doesn’t miss me when away, and doesn’t actively seek out any affection or attention from me.
The bonds that happened during this recovery were just what she needed to feel tethered to me and on the first day I went back to work in-person, I got many text messages “missing me.” She even told me after work that she thought something was wrong with her because she “thought about me all day.” We got to explain that this was actually normal for children and similar to what a toddler feels when being dropped at childcare for the day. I am grateful for this surgery in giving us all chances to heal and move forward.
A few progression pics from her one-month follow up appointment and scar healing:
This is “Mocha”, WG’s Higgy Bear, a present we found for her on the day of her one-month check up. She named him Mocha, in honor of the winner of the nurse milkshake competition. We got her a monkey, since she was telling all nurses that she wanted to get a pet monkey when she grows up while under the influence of her pain meds.
Upon returning home, a dip in the hot tub was the first “cleared” adventure.
Thank you all of your love and check-ins on her progress. We are still amazed at the freedom that this procedure has given her….and can’t wait to see her mobility and flexibility grow and grow in the months and years ahead.
After almost 8 hours in surgery, our surgeon came out to let me know that everything went smoothly with the procedure….and what an amazing procedure it is – 2 rods and 22 screws later!
I’m still in awe!
I will say, WonderGIRL coming down from the anesthesia was filled with scary delusions and statements. I am glad I was assertive in asking I be there for this process (they usually don’t let parents in until the patient is all the way lucid) as her past abuse and trauma coming out would have been handled differently by nurses if I had not been there to assure her safety.
That day was also filled with some pretty cute and funny statements.
The following days in the hospital were HARD – she was emotional, in pain, and scared. With only me being there, I didn’t have anyone to “tag in” to the room to support her which was taxing at best. We are so grateful to the nurses in the hospital – they were amazing with WG and participated in her milkshake competitions with joy. `
As soon as WG was out of surgery, she was even asking for Nurse Amy (from the clinic) when barely lucid. Here is a pic with Nurse Amy 2 days after surgery:
Recovery from this surgery is intense – sitting up on day 1 and walking on day 2!! This video of her walking and the amazing nurse guiding her gives me all the proud mama feels….here is a peek at what her scar looks like on Day 3:
On day 4, WG had met all of her post-surgical goals and we got the okay to go home (after leaving with what felt like half the pharmacy at Children’s). As you can imagine, the 1.5 hour ride home with a spinal fusion surgical patient in the passenger seat was a nervous one for me, the driver. About halfway home, our moon roof window IMPLODED and sounded like a bomb went off on top of our car….anxiety times 100 for the rest of the drive home (also….so many pot holes in our neighborhood – sorry sis!).
We arrived home in tears but was quickly encouraged with an outpouring of love from our loved ones….
Next up – recovery at home and how it has impacted our relationships.
WonderGIRL was originally scheduled to have this Spinal Fusion Surgery in November of last year….due to the Children’s Hospital having some mold issues, the surgery was postponed (then Covid, then more mold….then we got a date)!
WG’s scoliosis had progressed to the point of needing surgery (see above x-ray) which you can imagine caused a huge amount of anxiety for her. Any major medical procedure is, of course, cause for anxiety, but for a childhood victim of sexual abuse – the vulnerability of being under anesthesia while strangers “fixed” your body really took a lot of counseling sessions and pep talks to even agree to the surgery. Even when she brought this fear up to her surgeon, the doctor’s response of “You won’t even remember it” did not appease the anxiety at all, instead, it multiplied the fear.
I documented the entire journey on my Instagram stories here if you want to peek – I’ll share a few highlights throughout my blog posts as well.
We had to go down to Seattle the day before for her Covid test and stayed in a hotel nearby….saying goodbye to little bro and Dad were hard (only 1 parent was allowed in the hospital due to Covid) but we tried to have a calm night before heading in early to her procedure.
She was so incredibly brave the morning of, amidst many tears…here she is waiting for the anesthesiologist to come in at 6am in the morning.
I’ve always loved the phrase KNOW better, DO better and it’s something I strive for in my personal development efforts. There have been a number of podcasts that have really opened my eyes (my ears???) to some new perspectives that I’d love to share with you if you’re looking for more personal development growth as well.
The Goop podcast. I also highly recommend the mini-docu series they did on Netflix as well. Alternative healing messages, interesting viewpoints on parenting and connection and other non-traditional offerings of living, learning and loving. I never miss an episode and learn something new every time.
2. Nice White Parents. The tale of segregation in New York City public schools. From the creators of my all time favorite Podcast, Serial, this is well-done and entertaining to listen to. Be prepared to think about your own privilege and power when advocating for your children in education. There were times I was walking and listening to this and literally clapping, raising my hallelejuah hands and hearing someone articulate back to me my own frustrations with our current and BROKEN educational system.
3. Unlocking Us by Brene Brown. I’m sure you’ve already heard of this amazing author and shame researcher, but her podcast puts her knowledge (and amazingly soothing voice) into bite size nuggets to absorb the goodness. Loved this particular session with Austin Channing Brown.
4. I Mom So Hard podcast. Because I need a little balance on my walks….want to laugh and listen to two ladies that I want to be friends with? I have loved their youtube/their instagram lives/their live shows and now they have a podcast which is equally laugh out loud hilarious. Check it out!
What are you listening to right now? Any recommendations? Leave them below!
