Here are a few strategies or prompts to help develop your child’s “wonder”, curiosity and ability to think through different scenarios when faced with a question or struggle.

1. Don’t answer their question(s) with your sage wisdom…..I know this is counterintuitive to the whole “I’m the parent and I need to teach my child all the things so they are a super genius when they get older.” But, a true genius thinks for themselves OR they have a super genius knack for knowing where to find the answer. Brain development happens when we…..wait for the shocking news…..actually use our brains. Just like our muscles, when we use them more, they get bigger/stronger/faster. If we are answering ALL of the questions or allowing our little ones to run to Alexa/google when the question looms, this “muscle/brain building” will not happen.
2. When your little one comes to you with a social conflict…..
   First, go with empathy….”man that sounds really hard. I’ve had that happen to me and I felt really __________  (frustrated, left out, sad, choose any Inside Out Character here for street cred).
   Then, go with curiosity…..”what do you think you might do next?”
   Then…..(most important step)…..encourage them to try it…..(even more important)….EVEN IF you know with your sage wisdom that it’s a terrible solution and it will fall flat on its face. Falling flat on said face is LEARNING (cue….your sweet cherub learning to walk….face plant….walk….side of a table….you get the point).
3. When your child/teen comes to you with a problem at school….hesitate on the whole “superhero swoop” phenomenon that is happening left and right these days. Allow some time to brainstorm what your child can do with their team of trusted adults at school to problem solve on their own. Have they already had a discussion with their teacher/coach/peer yet? Are they comfortable doing that? If not, can they practice with you so it’s easier?
   – There is a mass exodus happening on college campuses right now where college freshmen are flocking back home after just a few weeks “on their own” due to extreme anxiety and lack of skills to function as an adult. We need to arm our teens (when appropriate and safe) with freedom to work out their own problems, improve their grades on their own effort, have conversations with adults to move forward with a problem so they can learn these skills before leaving your nest. And if they fail, we brainstorm coping skills with them and we encourage them to use them. We don’t shame them for failing….we praise them for trying.
4. This one is very popular and pretty well known but it’s so important that it bears repeating….let them be bored. Let your child sit and stare out of a window (it’s a beautiful world out there). Let your child sit at a restaurant and wait for food without a screen…..maybe even engage in a little conversation if the mood fits. Limit their screen time – my only soap box on screens….while I love screens and they can be a valuable tool in certain situations, their very design is IMMEDIATE gratification…..the repeating of this for hours on end is very damaging to the brain’s need for rest, stillness, and the message that “we don’t always get what we want by tapping a screen over and over.”

Perhaps within your organization or your family, you can think of a few ways today you can develop these seriously tough muscles of thinking. Ask a new question or even better yet, DON’T answer a new question…..or encourage your child to “wonder about that.” I got a message from a sweet professional who engaged her staff of youth counselors in this discussion and they brainstormed ways within their programs they could further develop their children’ autonomy in thinking. What a powerful way to push kiddos and build up their independence??? Love it!!!!

I have seen and experienced a lot in my years of school counseling and then recently, in my interactions with my own children and others in our community. And what I know for certain is that kiddos are struggling now more than ever. Epidemics of anxiety, suicidal ideation, and mental health struggles are one on the rise and our school counselors, teachers and mental health professionals are working OVERTIME to help the overwhelming number of kiddos dealing with these issues.

I have been asked multiple times “why” this might be….many people like to place blame on broken families, divorce, unstable jobs, drugs, and alcohol but I have some different theories that I thought maybe I would try to put into words here on my blog. My theory is not placing blame but instead highlights something that we are not developing in our kiddos from a very young age (and sometimes for very good reasons) – and that THING is that we are not encouraging and developing our kiddos’ ability to THINK.

To think is to pay attention to the ongoing narrative inside of our brains. To think is to sit and ponder something WITHOUT automatically getting the answer from someone (or google/Alexa/Apple Watch, etc.). To think is to problem solve. To think is to calm ourselves down. Thinking is not just for academic subjects but should be happening each waking moment. But if you were to ask today’s nation of kids “when do you think” – they will most likely say…..in class/school. To which I try to educate them in that they are THINKING all of the time. Those are not VOICES inside of your head that magical fairies put there…..that is your brain and it the most powerful tool you have to stay safe, thrive, and have healthy relationships. But in order to use it as a tool, you have to KNOW it is there and pay attention!!! And in order to know it is there and pay attention, you have to STOP and listen.

Our society as a whole, including this huge generation of kiddos are pretty terrible at one thing – stopping. And when we don’t stop, we don’t listen. We don’t pay attention. We don’t brainstorm alternative solutions. We don’t always choose empathy and compassion. We don’t proceed with caution…..instead we proceed with blazing, dangerous full speed ahead, no matter what is in our path.So how do we fix this? What do we do within our families and our schools to help our children develop these SKILLS (yes skills, not natural God-given IQ, brain power)? What can parents do? School systems? I will go into this on part 2 of this blog post later this week…..if you have any thoughts or wonderings about this topic, please feel free to leave comments or questions. I would love to see them!!!