On all the shootings…

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Here is the truth – I go dark when there is a school shooting. I obsess over the news and my husband has to force the tv off. I have massive anxiety at school. I run around and check our crisis plans at school and annoy all my people trying to find it and check it’s validity. I read all the Facebook posts and get sad over and over. My husband tells me sadly that he knows in this situation, I would most definitely sacrifice my life for the life of my students (as is reverse for his first responder self as well). But mostly I hope that I won’t have the reoccurring nightmare that’s been haunting me since One Tree Hill’s school shooting episode way back when. I get anxiety because what I know is that people/kids that do this are STRUGGLING. Whether it’s mental health, childhood abuse or family/attachment dysfunction – the hurt is so bad that they feel it has to come out in this most brutal way. And my entire life’s work is working closely with these people and these children and working tirelessly to make sure it doesn’t happen here.But my work stops at 3:30 in the afternoon. And it stops when a family can’t access mental health resources due to language barriers or insurance barriers or an incredibly long waiting list barrier. And unfortunately it stops when people blame guns (although I think gun control is a needed topic to discuss) or politicians (although I think there are obvious problems here) or parenting styles (although shifts in society are concerning to me in this realm too). So what can we do? We can love. And we can report suspicious activity and suspicious people. We can pray. We can teach our children that reporting is a life-saving behavior, not “narking”. We can monitor our childrens’ social media and teach them about the harmful effects of comments like “KYS” (kill yourself) and other such anonymous feeling disses. We can attack bullying head on with clear policies and an increase in social/emotional lessons teaching empathy and how to manage stress. But most of all, we can love. On kids that our ours and the ones that are not. Love on the kids that have no one and on the ones that seem to have everything but when they go home and lock themselves in their room to hurt others online, show that they are truly alone.

Now to get back to that work with my own hurting little beings in my home and in my school…..one day at a time. ❤

Click here for a great article on how to talk with your children about school violence.

On the “trend” that is Essential Oils….

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My Journey
I became super interested in essential oils as I began researching recipes to create my own non-toxic cleaners for our house in the Spring of 2014. After being disturbed by loving a documentary one of my bestie’s worked on called The Human Experiment, I knew I wanted to eliminate these toxic chemicals from our home. When almost every recipe I found included essential oils, I decided to invest in a starter kit.What I didn’t know at that time was that the oils I received were not only going to help make the cleaners, they were going to explode in usage for emotions and multiple other ailments and struggles within our newly formed family of 4! I would have saved a whole lot of money in that first investment if I would have splurged for a bigger kit now that I know how much I ended up using and buying later for more money. You live you learn right…….What’s all the fuss about Essential Oils?
Did you know that the first prescription ever recorded was for frankincense oil? The second was for peppermint oil. There is so much natural medicine at our disposal, we just have to know where to look. Some of the mostly widely used medications today were originally sourced from plants. By using essential oils we are simply remembering the things many people and cultures have used for thousands of years. Returning to ancient solutions where caretakers used the pure essential part of plants, trees and vegetation to help with stomach ailments to sleep apnea and everything in between… solutions that don’t have a long list of side effects or warning labels.

Essential oils don’t just mask symptoms. They bring change to the body at a cellular level, dealing with the root issue and supporting your system as a whole. Because of legalities, I can’t tell you that oils will “cure, treat or prevent” issues you may be facing, but I can give you testimonies (many from me and my family) about how oils have been life-changing.  I want to help mamas like me, and others, create a healthy home life for their families in a modern way using sources that have been around for ages.

I also think the oils are an incredibly powerful tool in helping all members of your family navigate emotional highs and lows. In our culture, anxiety is not a disorder that some people have…..I believe that most people are on a spectrum of emotional wellness and that we all struggle with anxiety/depression/fears. Sharing the oils has helped reduce stigma with my immediate circle of friends and family but also to women and mamas that I newly get to meet…..strong emotions are normal in you and your children!!! And when they strike…..some of the oils and blends are here to help ground and support you as you cope (plus I get to talk about Inside Out – and you all know how much I love that movie).

What ARE the side effects???
I can tell you that I HAVE experienced some side effects from using the oils……like an amazing and growing circle of passionate women and people that love to help others AND some extra spending money just by hosting classes and educating others on how the oils might help them too. My family chooses to save and use this extra money on family memory-making vacations like our Spring break “traincation” two years ago and most recently, it helped pay for half of our very merry Disney Cruise-mas. This side gig has helped me live out my “why” in ways that go beyond my school counseling and coaching professions and has expanded into influencing my social circle and supports as well. So grateful…..

Want to know more or ask me some questions??? Fill out this quick form and we’ll go from there!

P.S. I love to send free samples – tell me what and where and they’ll at your door to try from the safety of your own home within days!

4 year Live-a-versary!

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A little back story…..when we started our journey with our Wonders, we were unsure how much time we would get with them. At that time, we decided to celebrate each month with a special “Live-a-versary” to honor their presence in our lives and give them rituals to look forward to (not knowing whether we would ever get to celebrate a birthday or holiday with them).

We have done small things like a trip to a park or candlelight dinner and then big events like a weekend trip touring Seattle and the space needle…..but they always include lots of toasts with fancy drinks, time to reflect back on our time as a family/team and making newer commitments to each other heading forward.

Last night, we decided to recreate where we went on our first family date and the restaurant where we dreamed up our name “Team Brave Dinosaurs.” The full story (and first family selfie) of our first nights together can be read here. We also celebrate 6 months with BraveGIRL and love her special place in our hearts and our home. Here is what everyone stated as their favorite part of the last 4 years (and 6 months).

Daddy: Our adoption day and the first week Emily came home to stay

Mama: When all 5 of us fit on our big couch and watch a movie or show together and family sleepovers!

WonderGIRL: Getting adopted and coming home to a safe home every day from school (added from her words “I used to hate the bell at the end of the day or right before a break and would dread getting on the bus. Now I am excited to come home and see all you guys.”)

WonderBOY (complete with a fever who slept through dinner poor guy): All of our trips as a family, especially the cruise and Silverwood.

BraveGIRL: My favorite thing I’ve learned from living here is that when you fight, all you have to do is talk about it, apologize and it doesn’t last forever. I’m not used to that in my family (enter me tearing up here)

Rexie Ralphie: Clearly his favorite part is the luxurious rugs in the house for him to receive a personal back massage at all hours of the day/night.

On what they need to see in a marriage….

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As I have talked about multiple times on the blog, my sweet husband and I’s relationship has been a blessed but rocky road of overcoming many things (as many marriages are). We began seeking counseling before we were married and continue to work on our relationship and our own baggage and trust issues from childhood.

Now that our marriage is an example for our children heading into the real world, I constantly reflect on what we are showcasing to them on a daily basis and whether or not it will help or hurt them build a solid long-lasting relationship to start their own families.

And at the beginning of our placement with the Wonders, I would feel soooo guilty about any fighting or arguing that happened in front of the kiddos. They would hear our snarky voices or us walking away from each other in anger…..or they would observe our passive aggressive actions and comments that we tried to disguise in “adult language.” We would try and include them in the restore and forgiveness stage of this conflict so they could learn that arguing doesn’t always lead to someone leaving (a message engrained in their minds and hearts from childhood) but sometimes I still wondered if it was ruining their hopes of this new family environment being perfect in every way for them.

But OUR wonders may need to see something different than other children who have been raised in a healthily attached home. Just like our relationship is burdened with triggers and ghosts from a traumatic childhood, theirs will be too. They will struggle with trusting their partner, crippled with fear that something bad is always going to happen, unable to enjoy a positive period because of that imminent fear…..and these things will drain them and their partner be harmful to their relationship IF they don’t know any ways to get through this.

What I hope and pray they see in our marriage is:
– as many “I forgive you’s” as apologies
– even when mean words are said, we restore and come back together
– no one ever leaves (and if they do, it’s a coping strategy and they always come back)
– daily choosing to commit to their partner no matter what they have been through (and multiple home decor signs documenting this just in case we forget – wink wink)
– respectful language around feelings and actions, not blaming and accusations
– this relationship is HARD WORK…..and that hard work needs to happen often for it to survive
– tears and strong feelings mean the relationship is important, not that that the relationship is doomed to end
– non-perfect people make non-perfect marriages –> and imperfection means a huge need for communication, emotional coping skills, and forgiveness

Kisses after bedtime

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I’ve always been a bit infatuated with taking pictures of my WonderBOY sleeping – I think as all boy moms can attest to…..when their energy, rough edges, fart giggles, and aggression wanes for the day and their sweet vulnerability shines through, they are kinda irresistible.

We are in a rough season with this little guy right now…..seeing some regression in behaviors along with an increase in violence toward us (but mostly me – his safe person) and sometimes when he’s sleeping, I lean over to kiss him hoping they seep in through his cheeks and into his brain to assure him that he is loved, he is safe, and that he can forge a different path than what his genes are telling him to.

I  pray these kisses travel into his REM cycles and steal the scary nightmares around us leaving, us dying, and people from his past hurting him that cause him to wake up countless times in the middle of each night.

I fantasize about each kiss taking a false wiring of his brain and re-wiring it to a new belief that he can solve problems with his words and his wit. That they wrap his new learning in hugs and safety blankets to save them there forever.
And mostly, I give him kisses upon kisses because soon he will not be sleeping in my bed when Daddy is at work…..he will not come snuggle me at school because he got mistreated at school and chose to fight back instead of tell an adult…..he will be too embarrassed to seek me in public when scared or overwhelmed – I count these moments and save them in my brain forever because I know they will not last.I can’t wait to watch him grow up and become the man that he was created to be. But with that is fear that we can’t rewire fast enough….that we can’t teach him new ways complete enough…..or sometimes just that we might just not be enough. I am trying to combat this with reminders to increase my faith and trust and prayers….and until those produce an outcome – let the snuggle and smooth therapy continue.

On the first spark…

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As I talked about earlier this month, my focus word this year is Spark (the verb). One slice of my life I really wanted to be intentional about to start my year is my spiritual health and practices. I talk so much in my head about what I should be doing or practice when I have time but then (((((crickets)))))….always knowing just the thoughts are not enough.

Some intentional ways I am feeding myself spiritually this month:
Daily reading plans (I use this app and love it)
– I’m working hard to make sure I am reading a regular book or the Bible/devotional as much as I scroll insta and facebook

Reminders and alerts throughout my day
– Prayers that I want to pray regularly I like to put as a reminder so it pops up during different times and different days

Planner accessories (these stickers are the cutest)
– making sure my prayer requests and gratitudes are in front of me each and every day
Making church a priority (not just the live stream…..ahem…..Sunday morning self…..get out of your pajamas!!!)

Scripture art
– I love putting passages that speak to me into pictures. Not that I even do anything with them but I scroll through my pictures often and these serve as small reminders to get my brain straight and encourage me to pause and reflect.

On saving time in the morning….

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As hard as I try to be a “lark” (morning person) and do all the things I see other peeps doing like running, quiet times, peaceful coffee dates with themselves in the morning…..I just cannot pull myself out of my super comfy bed. But as my “owl” like self dreads…..morning always comes and with it comes so many dang things to do in so little time!!!!

Here are a few tricks to try if your mornings look like a zoo on a full moon too.

Sunday prep:
I set aside time each Sunday to prep both breakfasts and lunches. Each week we rotate between different main meals (sandwiches, pitas with hummus, wraps) and then the sides remain the same options. Putting those things in numbered bins in the fridge helps by 9 year old WonderBOY not just pack 5 granola bars and a piece of candy (making his school counselor Mama look awesome btw). ?‍♀️

These containers also help with food portions and variety in lunches and have been fairly durable so far (note to my past self/YOU: explain to children these do not get thrown away ahead of time).

The instant pot (find it here but seriously…..you don’t have one yet????) makes hard boiled eggs literally perfect every single time so each Sunday I boil 15-18 for the week so all of us/any of us can grab these for a breakfast or lunch option.

Smoothie hack:
The girls have to get up extremely early to look perfect put together enough for a day in the life at high school and many times, they skip breakfast. This start to the day with some protein is especially important for kiddos who struggle with anxiety and attention issues (ahem…..ahem….everyone in my house) so I hate when they skip it. I have started helping them make smoothies the night before and like to add all sorts of healthy stuff like kale and fish oil (this brand tastes like orange and adds an awesome flavor) without them knowing.

We pour them into mason jars and without having the cool straw hold lids, I just cover with foil and they poke re-usable straws in the top when they are ready to drink (thank you Capri Suns for the inspo). So far, the girls have been sucking them down and hopefully feeling better set for their days, both physically and emotionally.Any good morning hacks that I’m missing out on???? Enlighten me people that have their stuff together…..I need you.

On family storytelling….

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Although I do really miss the process (and excessive amount of paper products to buy) of scrapbooking, I have been loving the digital apps that make it easy to get the bajillion photos I take with my phone out of the cloud and into print form. I love when families’ stories can live on through pictures and stories in this way for generations to come…..here are a few products/apps I love with some freebie/discounts if you’re interested in them too!

CHATBOOKS:
What I love about this app is it automatically tracks your Instagram account and when you get to the next 60 pictures, it prints a book automatically (if you set it to that setting). You can also customize and make your own books if you wanted to just add them from your photo roll. The quality of pages is great and the small book size looks so cute on bookshelves or a coffee table! If you want your first book FREE, click here!

Groovebook:
These little books are perfect for documenting our families’ fun adventures one month at a time and with a very small price point ($2.99 per month, subscription style), feel free to order one for each kiddo or send some along to the grandparents who will love glimpsing at your life one month at a time. The paper quality and color is not great (you get what you pay for kinda thing) but our kiddos absolutely love these, especially for craft projects using the pictures…..if you want to sign up, use the link in the bottom picture and get a FREE Groovebook!

Blog2Print:
If you do have a blog or any sort of online story tracking system (even if it’s just private for your family)…..it’s great to put these stories into print just in case something happens to the online space that those memories are held in. These are ones that our kiddos always look at and read. I love that they get to read some of my perspectives and thoughts on their childhood…..and I’m especially excited for their grandchildren to read about THEM as children and so on and so on. When you register and sign up, you get 20% off your first book. They always do an awesome 10 day New Year deal which is when I have my biog from the previous year printed.

How do you keep your families’ memories alive and in print around your home? Would love to see and hear new ideas…..

One Little Word 2018

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If you’ve been reading this little blog for a while, you know each year I try to pick a word to focus on with intention for the year. Here is last year’s post……

This year, my word will be spark….the verb version to be exact. I’ve always been a pretty big idea person. I have a ton of ideas rolling around all the time….some I verbalize to people and some I don’t. Over the years, I have realized that I don’t always have the power, the people, the time, or as of late, the energy to make all these ideas happen so verbalizing them is not always good. It results in me sometimes appearing to have a lack of follow-through…..again, something I am very aware of. At work, I try to compensate for this by making an extreme amount of lists and constantly asking co-workers to remind me of my own ideas later so they don’t fall off the face of existence.

My word this year embodies action. Bold action that is fiery and bright. I like to think of a camp fire with the flames so brilliant and bright….the sparks are flying off in dramatic fashion. I hope the passion and fire I have for different roles I have in my life spark off into the world in this same way. Here are some ideas real steps I hope to take this year to live out this word:

More action, less hesitating
More finished to-do lists
Planning ahead so busy schedules aren’t a barrier
Not being afraid of people judging, disapproving of my actions
Collaboration with other fire-starters
More time to plan – morning or evening quiet times, monthly solo reflection time
More transparency on social media – the real stories
Commitment to blogging – cementing stories in history of our families’ journey and broken road to healing

Getting my family involved – still loving these Daily Goal-Trackers from Elise Joy

What is YOUR word for 2018???? Happy New Year to all of my readers and loved ones – fingers crossed for your best year ever.