On continuing education….

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…for this trauma mama journey I’m on. This podcast is an awesome weekly reminder to keep practicing small steps in a completely overwhelmingly large journey towards trust and healing through relationship with our kiddos. 

Based off of the Trust Based Relational Intervention approach by Dr. Karen Purvis (TBRI), I love how calm these speakers are and how easy some of their suggestions can be. Shorter episodes, huge content…..great for family members AND educators and anyone working with children. Even without trauma, these practices are just good solid parenting skills. Hope you’ll check it out!


Quote from the above episode that I love love love: “Healing is always disruptive and always has side effects you don’t want.” Let’s get our messy healing on shall we???

on my “why”….

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I’ve had a few people ask me lately about all of the different things I do and how busy/hard-working I must be….so I thought I would share a little bit about my very intentional purposes in CHOOSING (because I don’t like the term “too busy”) what I engage in and the amazing people I get to engage WITH along the way.

As a counselor, I am in love with the concept and reality of each person having a story. Stories that involve relationships, ups and downs, milestones and miseries, and everything in between. And the more I learned about and experienced these stories first hand or through my profession, I became obsessed intrigued by the stigma around all things “hard” in those stories. We, as Americans, have a really hard time talking about our struggles…..as if those struggles = failure. The stigma around mental health in particular is one that I am passionate about. Both in my field of counseling, but also in my newer passion of natural wellness through essential oils – I am driven to break down these walls and invite people to openly share struggles with ALL steps of their journey. We are usually fairly open about physical ailments, but the relational, mental, and emotional struggles have an entire set of different “social norms” that hurt us by keeping them hidden.

Mamas, in particular, have a hard time sharing struggles. It is all too easy to compare ourselves to the perfect Instagram Mamas and Pinterest inspiration and feel like we’re never doing enough. Along with that comes anxiety, depression and insecurities about our everyday lives. But by sharing those struggles with others, it opens up the opportunity to welcome and receive SUPPORT and help for those very struggles. And the ripple effect is that others feel open and honest in sharing their struggles too (the biggest way to combat social stigma is by sharing about your own – easier said than done of course).

So this is why I do what I do….bringing stories out of the dark and into the light, stepping out of my comfort zone to involve myself in others’ struggles to hopefully be helpful (or sometimes just to be available, no action needed), and every once in a while, empowering kids and parents with tools they might need to relieve even just a fraction of a struggle…..victory and miracle achieved.Feel free to follow along on my RootedWELL Instagram page – right now there’s a super cute video of WonderBOY filling up his oils keychain for school (melt my heart). All things family wellness posted there…..

On settling in….

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Starting from scratch decorating a room is a great way to carry out any vision (okay more like Joanna Gaines vision but whatever).  Redecorating or changing a room is where I get stuck because everything coordinating is a must for my eyes. Loved being able to insert furniture pieces and decore that I love staring at in our upstairs space (Mama’s sanctuary) little by little.*Most furniture came from Wilsons in Ferndale. Love that place. 

*Clock from Grandflora in Lynden. 

*Decor mostly from Hobby Lobby. Someone save me if this store comes to Bellingham and I have easier access. 

Just when you think…..

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you’re doing pretty good at this parenting kids from hard places gig…..

  • felt safety: making the child feel boundaries and safety even when afraid – check
  • give the child choices and control – check
  • make them feel heard – we have nightly talk times to make sure they process all of the feelings from their days – check
  • increasing gratitude by talking about it and praising their behaviors/efforts often – check
  • advocate for them, especially in school when successes happen differently than for other students – check
  • gaining tools and training as parents so that we can provide the best care possible for our child – check
  • understanding their behavior as strengths they possessed to stay safe in their previous trauma and to choose our battles in discipline – check

AND even then….your child from a hard place can still break your heart into a million pieces and send you into a delirious, anxious, basket case by running away from your safe home and changing the course of your own felt safety as a parent forever and ever.

About a week ago, with my husband half a world away, I got a phone call at midnight from the police who had WonderGIRL at a gas station downtown after she escaped from our home (and the new dozens of windows and doors that we hadn’t thought we needed to alarm). First of all, I am super thankful that WG is pretty small, thus altering a concerned citizen to call the police about a “little girl walking in the dark.” Second of all, I am extremely proud of the police officers who didn’t believe WG’s first story claiming her previous last name and who her guardian was. They took extra effort in charging her dead cell phone and calling the person listed as Mama to reach me and although that phone call shook me to my core, I am thankful they found me at all.

I lived in fear and in tears for that entire first week….kept both kiddos in my room at night and barricaded the doors. I lost my patience at least 73 times a day as my fuse was short and the actual amount of time I could sleep was even shorter. I wondered how we would make it through these teenage years alive if her only complaint about our family was that “she had rules” would compel her to put herself into extreme danger without a thought in her head of another option during that particular day and night.

And now that we are a week out with my husband who flew home early from his mission trip, a ton of prayers gifted to us from our inner-circle tribe, and a team of devoted mental health professionals and doctors that have spoon-fed me next steps – I am at a place to give up this situation to my greater power and trust that HE will HAVE to take this on, because I, alone cannot prevent everything harmful from happening to my not-so-little WonderGIRL. She has to go through the lectures and the restrictions…..she has to endure the extra security system on her doors and windows and the safety plan of escorts at her school…..she has to feel guilty about seeing her parents in tears more than ever before…..and all in my hopes that she will remember this experience as one she never wants to repeat again.

I am sure I will have more to process on this later – but I appreciate your supportive words and prayers offered through my Facebook page and you continued love and support for our little, messy family as we navigate new, deep, and treacherous waters. Although I am grieving the loss of an innocence I once believed my WonderGIRL to have, I also know I need to grow right alongside her and widen my understanding of her brain and trauma so I can keep her safe and guide her towards a productive life in the future. I also have faith that we will get to look back at this experience and remember how far we have come…..together.

on a new kind of heartache….

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I had big plans to set up multiple blog posts during my Spring Break. Something big and hard hit our family this past week and I find myself grieving on a daily hourly basis…..something I want to write about and process before other posts get published.

And I’m not there yet…..and I’m okay with that. Today, as our little family breaks out of our home that has been a bit of a prison for the past 9 days and jumps onto a ferry to enjoy the sunshine and enjoy each other – I pray for more laughter than lectures, more smiles than tears, and more comfort than fear.

and on his 9th trip to Haiti….

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I am in awe of his passion and love for this country and their people. I love that this little country (and the Haitian babes) brought us together and paved an amazing path of compassion and service for our future relationship. Here is a picture from 2011 on our second trip together (also known as my most favorite picture of us EVER)….
Unfortunately, my beloved anxious traveler is having a few doubts about leaving us (but mostly the kiddos) for his trip with an amazing charity called One Spirit Medical Missions. We would love your prayers and calming thoughts for him as he travels for the next day and impacts the children and people of Haiti in huge ways through medical outreach for the next 10 days. I am so proud of his work and even more excited that our wonders get to observe firsthand what it looks like to have a servant’s heart and sacrifice comforts, money and leisurely time with us for a greater purpose that he has been called to.

Please also pray for WonderGIRL and WonderBOY to have faith that Daddy will come back home safe and sound and for their own anxious hearts to be filled with the same love and admiration that I do thinking about his outpouring of love and passion for Haiti.

March favorites

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Here are a few things that I am pretty darn excited about this month (hint: there will be absolutely no SNOW included):

Facebook articles that confirm my parenting (and coaching) beliefs – Love this one by a Stanford dean. We love our kiddos and want the best for them but by high school they need to start experiencing the hard stuff and finding their own solutions to practice before they are truly on their own!

Canon all-in-one printer – can’t wait to print photos on this highly-recommended printer. My last HP all-in-one was seriously the most amazing printer and I had it for a good 10 years so I have been mourning it’s loss for a while. A little trip to Best Buy last weekend connected me with a lovely salesman that highly recommended this one. Happy day!

Oily Vinyl Kit Club – Elizabeth and Amy have teamed up to produce and create vinyls for your DIY rollerballs and sprays to use around your house or gift to friends and family. Here is a sneak peek of April’s vinyl kit:

Pinterest husband -a  few side by side comparisons of my pin to his finished product.  We are very self-aware to know that a renovation or house building project would be the end of us so this little arrangement of my sharing a picture and him building works out perfectly. He’s so lucky he has me to keep him busy on his days off. ?(still need to add hooks and a cozy cushion)

A mother’s comfort…..

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Yesterday’s church service was a message of hope and encouragement…..using excerpts from Psalm 139, our Pastor spoke eloquently about God knowing us intimately and before we were even a glimmer in someone’s eyes. My own brain and heart was filled with comfort, knowing that there was a plan for me all along and that I was “fearfully and wonderfully” made to do good things. Knowing that “everyday of my life was recorded in (His) book” was communicated in order for us to trust and have faith in that which we do not know.

However, for my trauma-filled WonderGIRL, today’s message brought out anger and deep-rooted abandonment fears. Did God know what was going to happen to her when He “knit her together?” And if He did know, why did He let that happen? Why did her Mom forget about her when Moms weren’t supposed to do that? And of course the fear of “will my Mom now forget how to love me and leave me too?” Her questions and tears filled our car on the way home from church. But then later they turned to vicious words and looks toward me over teeny tiny issues.

What I attributed as “teenage behavior”, my amazing husband saw as much more (which I appreciated once I got over my disappointment in being wrong). Identifying that her hard feelings in the morning were connected to her behavior toward me later brought about a huge sense of relief in her that I just had no idea was there. This took our parenting approach from the forcing of “respectful re-do’s” and safety plans to an approach to get out her angry thoughts and assure her that I would never leave. I asked her to pretend her biological mother was sitting with us and invited her to say anything she felt like saying as I typed a letter recording her words.

Here is a small excerpt of her letter:
Why did you even have me if you were just going to pass me off a million different times? What was the point of having two kids if you never paid attention to them? (WB) was little so he doesn’t understand.. All he knows is that me and (Dad’s girlfriend) were the only people that talked to him. I understood that you didn’t care but he didn’t. I understood that I wanted you to be part of my life but you never cared enough to show up or try.

You didn’t come to the court date. It’s like you didn’t want us. You thought “oh well it doesn’t work.” It’s always worth a try when it comes to family. I usually give up but I go back and try to figure it out. Like one time I went to the dentist and I was doing homework before that and when I came back, the homework was easier.

Also, I wish you realized what you had and then you lost it.

And then I got to hold her, re-assure her, and send her off to bed with the kind of comfort that is supposed to come from a mother. I share this story and this message because it documents the filter of a trauma-impacted brain and how we can sometimes think we are comforting or encouraging someone, when it is actually increasing their fear and doubts even further. WonderGIRL specifically is often told by well-intentIoned youth leaders to pray and forgive the people that have wronged her, which sometimes pushes her into further depression and confusion around her abuse. We are still navigating these triggers delicately and would love some sage guidance from any of you trauma-mamas out there on how to have these conversations……until then, we just take one day at a time with great love and even greater patience.

On my side gig…

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Although I wasn’t even considering DoTerra as a business when I first started using their amazing essential oils – what has grown from just sharing my excitement with friends and family has grown into a beautiful network of mamas, teachers, entrepreneurs, and generally awesome people that I love spending time with!

I get to leave my house every once in a while, sit around tables and living rooms, enjoy some cocktails and appetizers, meet amazing women working their butts off to keep their families happy and healthy….and then educate and empower them to make over their whole lives with natural wellness products.

The ripple effect of all of this fun networking is that I make enough money to make a big impact on our family’s ability to create awesome memories and enjoy experiences together. My hubby and I decided last year to combine his overtime paychecks and all of my DoTerra earnings in order to save for the Disney cruise we gifted the kiddos with last Christmas. We are so excited for this family trip of a lifetime AND extra excited that we didn’t have to sacrifice household expenses to make it happen (especially with our surprise house buying adventure – that might not have been possible if we hadn’t been saving!).I am super grateful for my mentors, Amy and Jodi, for supporting me throughout this journey and I love love love ALL of my oily tribe that are having great experiences with the oils and having some fun right along with that. Hearing their stories of how the oils are positively impacting so many emotional and physical ailments in their home makes my heart incredibly happy and increases my passion for getting this information out into the world!!!

A few links to how I use essential oils in my home:
OIls for Mama
Oils for Hubby
Oils for Kiddos

I’m always happy to share more about the business side of DoTerra if you’re interested. It doesn’t take any inventory or extra costs to start sharing so many people experiment to see what they can do in a short period of time and then take it from there! (Please excuse a little sales pitch very now and again here and on my FB – I’m too excited to keep it myself!)