To no one’s surprise, my Dad’s favorite memories of me come from our days (and late nights) together in Pullman from my college days. Go Cougs!!!
I think one of my favorite times with you were the Dad’s weekends at Wsu! Great memories of the games and partying after the game, remember almost crawling home from the fire house frat to your apartment!
My favorite moments with my Dad: – him calling me “Nadia” during my early childhood gymnastic days – practicing the Dirty Dancing lift in our first house – him supporting and watching all of my sporting events in high school – sharing our love of all things WSU (especially Coug football games) – him continuing to support my sports career and serving as our official FHS volleyball announcer at home games
Because I am an enthusiastic slacker, I didn’t make it to 40 moments BEFORE I turned 40. So I outsourced to a few peeps so they could tell me their fave moments I might have forgotten.
Up first is my sweet husband…for my birthday, I asked for two things. A birthday dinner with all 3 kiddos in one spot and that took some serious wrangling but he did it (with 304 messages and reminders) and I am so very thankful.
We didn’t mean to stand tallest to shortest but here we are.
And for the second request, of course, I asked him to write up his favorite moment with me. Here is what he had to say:
I have had the incredible fortune of spending the last 12 years with my incredible wife patti. We have had our ups and downs as does all couples. I’m beyond thankful to call her my wife through all the highs and lows. Although there has been tough times there have by far been more wonderful times. Too many to count actually. Some things that stand out to me actually come at the beginning of our relationship and pretty recently actually.
One of our first dates was where we took the ferry out to Friday harbor. It was an amazing day filled with good food, beautiful views (Nature and Patti), and the start of someone falling in love with the other. Another important time to me that i am cherishing is our 10 year anniversary to whistler a couple months ago in august (see more of this here). It was a time filled with good food as usual, but more importantly a time to reconnect and remember why we love each other. I am continually thinking of this trip to whistler we just took and how i love spending time with Patti.
Not our first date but another photo on the ferry deck to Friday Harbor!
Happy 40th dear! I love you and you’re just as hot as you were on our first date!
I get to share my birthday week with another lovely celebration – a day when we got to forever welcome WonderBOY and WonderGIRL into our family forever and ever. There was a lot of emotions that went into the build up to this day and lot of grief that is inherently mixed up in adoption. But for us as parents, it was ultimately a public affirmation that we were doing the right thing. And a relief that the life of these two little ones wouldn’t be hanging in the balance between chaos and care any longer.
As most of you are aware, I’m a pretty strict volleyball coach (out of love and competitiveness of course). Once practice starts, players are only allowed to talk about volleyball and we stay pretty focused on what we need to do during the two hour block of time we get to grow our skills physically and mentally.
And then at other times, outside of the gym, I get to know these players on a much deeper level. I hear about their interests, their life dreams and goals, questions and wonderings about our world, and of course some romantic relationship problems come up from time to time.
As a mom and educator, I really value these “in between” times of being a coach. We spend a lot of time driving in these cozy vans and other hours at all of our teammates’ houses (thank you by the way!!!) for team dinner once a week. I hope their families appreciate other caring adults speaking encouragement and life lessons to their children and I hope the players at some point in their adult life, think back to some of these conversations as critical points in an important decision or problem solving situation they will ultimately face after their career as an athlete in high school is over.
Yesterday during our van ride home, players were asking me about foster care and my experiences and per usual the comment came up, “I can’t imagine being that attached to the kids and then they leave your family.” To which I replied very genuinely, becoming attached to other humans and then letting them go is a CENTRAL part of the human experience that everyone experiences. I become deeply attached to both my players and my students for a few years at a time, and then we let them go to a new chapter and new adults to attach to. I cherish watching them from afar on their social medias or updates from their parents and I hold my pride for them always for what they gave to our volleyball program when they were at FHS.
One of the biggest lessons I have learned as I get older and have moments of attachment is to APPRECIATE the moments right there, in the present, while they are happening knowing this break in attachment will come someday. So full circle –> this conversation happened last night in our van ride home, which made me appreciate those sometimes very long van rides after a very long day of volleyball to which I can now include in my 40 moments blog adventure! Love it when that happens…..
It’s been a long time figuring out my personal fitness journey as an adult. Because of some history with my status as an athlete and disordered eating/exercising, figuring out the balance was difficult.
There was a time in my adult life that I went about 6 months without a single day of intentional exercise and obviously I know this is not healthy for me and my stress levels. I am not a good “gym-goer” – I don’t like being around others when working out due to my competitive and comparison-prone nature. I also can’t have goals like weight loss or size of clothes because of that being such a slippery slope into some past habits.
Enter the Peloton – I had been seeing them pop in friends’ homes and social media feeds and was instantly intrigued. After watching from afar, we made the purchase and really haven’t looked back since. You can read my thoughts on this here and here. And although I do love the short, yet tough workouts and the inspiring, engaging instructors, I also just love being in a room by myself and getting this attainable goal done when needed.
I also love a “distraction” method of working out where I can put on my favorite emotional support Netflix series and walk for an hour at a time on the tread. I set up my laptop, hit “resume show” and get a ton done (most of my 40 moments were written while walking). This formula has helped me hit some huge minute milestones on my Peloton and has helped me with my yearly goal of 20 minutes of movement each day.
Shown here in the dark – during school/volleyball, many of my walks are taking place after the sun goes down.Love a good visual tracker!
With 6 aunts and uncles and a ton of cousins around, our family gatherings at Grampa and Gramma’s house were filled with lots of noise, laughter, cousin wrestling and other shenanigans that I have fond memories of. They had a large house that I viewed as a mansion at a time and the bottom floor was where cousins got to hang out quite a bit to watch tv and play.
In the corner of this bottom floor was my Grandma’s book collection, which included this set of “The Bobbsey Twins” chapter books. When just me and my brother were visiting (and he wouldn’t let me change the tv from anything but wrestling), I was enamored with these books and was a voracious reader. But more than the content, I loved the feel of the old bindings and the fragile pages beneath my fingers.
Once my grandparents moved out of that house, I was fortunate enough to inherit this book collection. They now are displayed prominently in my own home with other treasured stories like my scrapbooks, our wedding memory box and other meaningful artifacts.
And even though my children didn’t catch this love of reading to enjoy these books, the display in my home brings me comfort and joy. It also serves as an inspiration for what I hope to emulate in family gatherings like my grandparents did as my children get older and eventually start bringing new generations of kiddos into my home to feel the same love and joy I got growing up.
From the moment I can remember being a kid, I was both competitive and involved in some type of athletics. Until I became too tall, it was gymnastics. Until everyone (myself included) realized I couldn’t catch or throw a ball, it was softball. From middle school on, I was on all the teams. Volleyball, basketball and track (field to be specific) were the final three that lasted through high school.
My identity was very much wrapped up in this athletic life….practice and game schedules, the friends I hung out with, what clothes I wore….all of it really stemmed from what sport I was playing at the time. Although I wasn’t a star by any means, I did find success in specific sports and really appreciated the leadership potential my coaches saw in me.
This success led to recruitment from WSU to join the rowing team. Being a D1 athlete was both a privilege (my favorite perk: laundry service!) and a hardship. I felt a lot of pressure to perform and rise above my teammates without any prior experience at the actual sport….and I also wasn’t all that great, which was a hard pill for me to swallow at the time.
Some images of my time on the WSU novice crew team.
After choosing not to continue my crew career and focusing on a job (and let’s be honest, my social life) my sophomore year, I started to struggle. Without the scheduling boundaries, a coach to guide and mentor me, and my body/emotions resetting after going 200% for years – I started to struggle with extreme body dysmorphia and developed an eating disorder that took its toll both physically and emotionally. For me, this looked like restricted dieting and way too many hours exercising at our rec center on campus (even to the point of me going 3 times per day for 1-2 hours at a time).
Eventually, I was able to find a balance for myself but knowing what I know now as a professional, I was definitely experiencing what is now known as post-athlete depression. My struggles with self-worth and my body would continue for years, but ultimately made better by maturity, my own control over exercise and dieting, and my supportive social network.
My own experiences have helped me prepare my own senior athletes for this very transition – many of my players get to go on and play college volleyball. But for others, high school is where their status of “athlete” ends. I encourage them to prepare for that transition mindfully. To think about what body movement brings them joy. To create a schedule that feels good to them and surround themselves with others who love and support them, no matter what they look like, what they eat or what kind of exercise routines they participate in. Just exposing them to the struggle of the transition is more than I had knowledge of at the time and I hope that this critical conversation can help them navigate it more healthier than I did.
To parents of teenage athletes, a few things to remember – 1. Their success in sports will be more tied to their emotional health than their physical health. Which one should you be checking in on more? 2. Let the coach coach. What they need from you is a protective and safe buffer that keeps out the pressure and the competition, not adding more on. 3. Monitor their eating, sleep, mental health closely – do you notice any changes? Extra workouts? Less food at dinner? Avoiding meal times altogether? 4. Talk to them about MORE than just sports…..what are their other interests and hobbies? What else can they do in their summer and free time besides training? Maybe you can do it together!!!
*My parents (and every single coach I had) were incredibly supportive of me as an athlete and did not necessarily do anything to put extra pressure on me – nor do I blame them for any of what I developed in college, as they tried to stay connected and I isolated what information they received. My pressure definitely came from myself and an unnecessary need to compare myself to others. But per usual, I like to use my hard stories for good and for prevention, so by sharing my story, I hope you can be more mindful with your own kiddos or athletes that you mentor.
Traveling to Canada has been tricky the past couple of years, but it’s not anymore and if you haven’t been to Whistler…it is such a fun destination in the summer! With so many restaurants and activities to choose from, I thought I would highlight a few in case you find your way up north and want some recommendations!
Where to stay – there are a LOT of hotels and rental options right in Whistler Village and I recommend choosing something in the village so you’re super close to the all of the action! 9 years ago, we stayed at the Aava hotel and loved that option as well. This time around, we went the AirB&B route and LOVED our condo. To save some money, these have full kitchens so shopping and cooking on your own would be great for a family getaway. Our host was amazing and responsive and the place was so cutely decorated and had everything we needed (with it raining so much, we did spend more time than I thought we would in the condo). Ours had a cute pool and hot tub as well which was perfect to come home to each night after a lot of walking (and eating/drinking).
Must-do activity – riding the gondola up Whistler or Blackcomb is a must must activity and is breathtakingly beautiful. It does cost a good chunk of money, but you can spend the whole day/night up there to get your money’s worth. Once you’re up top, there are many sites to see, trails to hike/explore and restaurants to eat at! On top of Whistler in particular, there is the Umbrella bar with a 360 degree view and a great buffet dinner on Friday-Sunday. Watching the mountain bikers head down is also part of the fun!
Where to eat – ummmm…..EVERYWHERE! Seriously there are so many amazing places to eat and since the weather wasn’t great, I’m pretty sure we hit more stops than we originally planned. Here were some of my favorites:
1. Purebread – Okay you know I love my carbs but being in line each morning at 8am when this place opens and the wave of aroma hits you was MAGICAL. There is everything here from sweet to savory and I recommend ordering your own sampler platter and try bits of what you want (and then snag a box of goodies for the ride home as well on your way out).
2. La Cantina Taco Bar – Just good tacos. And guac. And vibes.
3. Dubb Linn Gate Irish Pub – This was the one place we actually remembered from our previous trip 9 years ago and wanted to return. And it did not disappoint….delicious Irish comfort food (the shephard’s pie…..wow) and all the different beers and whiskeys you could imagine.
4. Cow’s Ice Cream – This came recommended to us and I hadn’t heard of it before but the line was always out the door and it was a great treat to snag and walk around the village with.
5. Raven’s Room – This bar was tucked inside a hotel and was hard to find but the drinks were amazing as well as the decor. We didn’t end up eating here but watched others’ food come out and it looked amazing!
Honorable mentions: Earl’s, Hunter Gather, Sachi Sushi (must order the shrimp gyoza made in house), Araxia (super pricey, not worth it IMO but good), Stonesedge (yummy eggs Benedict), The Green Mustache
Today, we celebrate 10 years of marriage and if you’ve been following along for any length of time, you know our marriage (like most) have had its share of roller coaster moments. I know that all marriages go through these – but with ours, some of those rockier moments came a bit earlier than to be expected due to a number of factors. Today I wanted to honor those 10 years with 5 moments that are memorable to me in big ways (but possibly are not the same magical moments you might expect one to document from a marriage).
Marriage moment #1 – your disclosure of your childhood abuse Technically this was before our marriage – in fact, it was probably within the first month of us dating which was so very brave of you after repressing your story for 27+ years up to this point. You told me what you had bravely survived and then you told me that you fully expected me to stand up, walk out and never speak to you again after hearing the disclosure. (Spoiler alert: I didn’t.) How I did respond: “This doesn’t change the way I feel about you. The only thing I need is that when you need help to work through it, you will get it.” And you have held strong to that commitment in every sense of the word…..not only seeking out the help you need but breaking down barriers and stigma for others in your line of profession and allowing me to share pieces of your journey here on the blog.
Marriage moment #2 – the day you said yes I told you that two students that had been removed from their home hadn’t returned to school and I was worried. I stalked the CPS worker and volunteered our home for the weekend as was only needed at the time. They needed an answer within the hour. I called you, explained the situation, and asked you to take two traumatized children you had never met into our home for a whirlwind weekend….you said said yes right away with the sweetest words, “whatever discomfort I might have in bringing them home does not compare with the fear they are feeling so yes let’s do it.” That weekend became months, those months became years, and the rest is history.
Marriage moment #3 – hitting rock bottom as a couple I haven’t shared much regarding the incredibly hard 2 years we’ve had navigating WonderGIRL’s transition to adulthood….but it has taken an extreme toll on all 3 of us remaining Team Hoelzle Brown members along with a toll on our marriage. Last Fall, it all came to a head with a gnarly argument where my voice was silenced and bad choices were made as far as communication with WG. But out of that darkness came some self-awareness from you that things needed to change. That the suggestions I was making to you like looking for other forms of trauma healing were needed like EMDR or psychedelic interventions. And while we navigated our relationship in silence and separate bedrooms for a while, you took your healing into your own hands. Relied on your own support network outside of me to keep you accountable and get you to Ketamine appointments. Switched counselors, knowing you were at a stalemate with your current one. You did the work and you are a much better man, father and husband because of it.
Marriage moment #4 – figuring out our biggest conflict In 2018 with both kiddos in school and activities along with our own pursuits, we realized that our biggest arguments came from scheduling and miscommunication about who/what/when in day to day life. At this point, we started having weekly scheduling meetings each Sunday night to go through our week and work things out ahead of time (Cozi, an online app, also helped with this). During this year, we also had a transformative discussion about our relationship values and I encourage other couples to do the same – it’s helped us prioritize some things like finances and schedules along with keeping us grounded together when distractions pull us away constantly. Read more about scheduling and our values in this blog post from 2018.
(HIS) Marriage moment #5 – learning I was right in 2021 *completely his words, not mine! This one is funny from his perspective because when we first got married, other veteran married couples would often offer advice to us as the newbies. 9 out of 10 spouses (usually husbands) would say that the secret to a happy marriage is to always say/assume/act as if “she is always right.” And you HATED that sentiment. You claimed that we didn’t follow other marital/gender norms so why should we follow that one. And while we don’t really use this mantra in our daily functioning, I do appreciate that you are more open to listening to me and my opinions on how things should go in regards to parenting, our mental health journeys, etc. I also think there is a lot to be said for our good communication skills and me growing in my ability to listen to YOU and trust some of your choices and opinions as well.
Thank you for being you and growing alongside me as a spouse and parent all these years. Also, a big thank you for sitting in the ER with me for 6+ hours yesterday and ruining our actual anniversary due to my strep throat contagious period. In sickness and in health….
More to come on our anniversary trip to Whistler (where I probably caught said strep throat) because it was AMAZING and I want to share all the places we found in case you want to travel there too someday.
I started a Teachers Pay Teachers store this past year and have been uploading different resources I’ve used over the past 15 years to maintain a comprehensive school counseling program. I am passionate about the power of data-driven decisions that support students and some of these tools help with the organization and advocacy for counseling programs!
In honor of the sale today and tomorrow, I thought I’d do a round up of the resources that are on sale and how they will help you stay organized this school year (and save a little bit of time along the way – these are all grab, edit and go type templates).
School Counseling Time Tracker This resource is my most shared, most requested tool for tracking your activities as a school counselor. This comprehensive Excel notebook includes the graphs and charts you need to communicate with stakeholders already finished – when you add your student and family visit data, the graphs and charts automatically change with your data! I use this tool to determine whether or not my program is meeting my goals as well as a vital piece of advocating for my position. Click here to view and/or purchase.
Only $12 on sale – August 2nd and 3rd.
Voice and Choice Behavior Prompts Worksheet I do a lot of trainings on kids with trauma and how to respond to their behavior in a calm and regulated way (the trickiest part). I compiled an easy “if this behavior, then say this” worksheet to give out during these trainings and it is available here. This is a great worksheet to get all caregivers on the same page in a household or an entire student’s team at school. Using constant language is key to improving student trauma responses.
I would HIGHLY recommend this for new school counselors and/or teachers…..helping coach teachers and parents in behavior management was one of my biggest learning curves when I first started and this resource would have been so helpful for me back in my newbie days.
$2.40 on sale!
Bullying Prevention – Family Resource Packet Great resource to send home in the Fall of a school year to describe what your school does when a student reports bullying. It also includes bullying report forms (editable) and a school district policy that students and caregivers can sign after reviewing. At our school, we collect these and use them between our admin team to keep track of and better document bullying reports.
$4.00 on sale!
School Counseling Program Calendar This is a great tool to align programs across the district and would help communicate the role of the school counselor.
$2.40 on sale
Reset Room Resources I love the work and care that we have put into creating a reset room at my current school. It is a safe space where students can access both a regulated adult and a space with regulation tools when needed. Taking a break is such a vital coping strategy for students and staff alike – but setting up the procedures of the room can be tricky so these resources can help! If you’d like to see a video of how we use our reset room (taken last year in the midst of Covid restrictions), click here.
Well if you made it this far, thanks for following along. I love collaborating with and training new school counselors and educators – sharing these resources to make their job just a teeny bit easier brings me great joy!!!
