WonderBOY has fully taken advantage of the Kids Bowl Free program this summer. And with the super cheap family pass option, so have Scott and I. He loves it so much he’ll even ride the bus or ride his bike down there to get his two free games in on his own.
As a teenager, I got to spend the same amount of hours at the bowling alley for a couple of different reasons. They did give out free games for report cards but also my father worked at the bowling alley, so I had lots of rides and lots of friends who wanted to bowl along with me (okay maybe not lots….just Joe, Kevin, and Paul really).
And just like I did then, I bring along my special ball with CHYNA engraved on it that I inherited from a bowler that passed away 20+ years ago when I got the remnants of her locker. Also, each trip usually means a side of fries (with tarter) and a trip to DQ afterward depending on what kind of wager we put on the games.
Mt. Baker Lanes hasn’t changed a whole lot…the same amazing friendly owners, good (actually delicious) food, and the nostalgic lanes bring back lots of happy memories for me. And I’m excited for it to hopefully be a happy memory for WB as well.
It all came down to this one little mini book, made out of literal trash and photos of me and my friends drinking the night before Thanksgiving. Talk about questionable young adult decisions, I really thought this would be the best “example” of my creativity when applying to Treasury of Memories, our local boutique scrapbooking store. Here is a video documenting the experience – and yes, I got the job which ultimately resulted in meeting my Heterosexual Life partner, Elke and a forever friendship that I hold incredibly dear to my heart.
Anyone that knows her (which to be honest is at least 82% of the entire Whatcom County population) knows about her infectious smile, giving heart and relentless pursuit of a good time, no matter how dull the current situation is. I am honored to walk alongside her through a whole lot of adult ups and downs and cheers to starting a new “prime” in our lives. At brunch yesterday, we talked about a question that I heard on my favorite podcast – what is the difference between “23 year old you” (when me and Elke met) and you now?
Our answers proved to be quite similar – looking inward for validation and the solutions to our problems, not others’ opinions or comparison to what others are doing. I would also add personally that something I have learned since being 23 and starting fresh in the professional world is that the many folks above your or “at the table” do not have it all figured out so trusting those systems or those folks in charge will not always result in a positive or healthy outcome, but with the right research, knowledge and values, trusting my inner guide toward the “right way” to do things can be trusted.
And because I made her dress up all sorts of extra for her birthday raincheck brunch (full of the most delicious mimosas – our fave), here’s a photo of us in our new prime….loving ourselves just as much as we love each other.
Happy happy birthday sweet friend!!! I love you so much!
I was 2 months into my first job as an elementary school counselor, fresh out of grad school. I had reported to CPS just a handful of times during my high school internship the year prior, but because of the age and agency of students, there was rarely any follow up.
So when I reported my first official CPS report on my own as a professional school counselor, I was a bit jaded with what would happen next. Much to my surprise, an investigator came within an hour of my report, did an extremely in depth interview, and then the following day, called me to follow up and let me know the child would be being placed into foster care that very afternoon. And knowing it made the child feel safe, asked me to go along with her as she met her new foster care placement. Although I want to spare the details of the abuse and the child, this experience was transformative in my life.
Being part of this little girl’s journey filled with both grief and attachment to me as her counselor would later inspire a few different things important to my career and life: – belief in the CPS system (although I later found this particular investigator was brand new, full of hope and that not all CPS workers think and act in the same comprehensive way as I detailed above) – passion for uncovering abuse disclosures in elementary school children and teaching my staff how to look for signs of potential abuse – a first hand look at the despair and grief that is a child being removed from their biological family, no matter the harm it was doing to them – her attachment to me as a safe person because I had believed her/helped her was communicated in her body language the day we took her to to her first placement and that will always stick with me
And 14 years later, “keeping kids safe” is one of the most sacred and rewarding parts of my job (and my family life as well).
This experience also was one of many in my school counseling career that confirmed I wanted to be a parent so incredibly badly, but wanted to do that through foster and adoption. In the same scrapbook as above, I listed my bucket list items at the time. I’m about half way through my list which seems fitting at this mid-point of my life.
One of my most-read blog posts was documenting my husband’s journey with his own mental health and healing from significant childhood trauma and abuse. Since he was brave enough to share a bit of his story, we have been contacted a handful of times with questions about Ketamine and EMDR, two modes of healing not often talked about when addressing mental health. I thought this might be a good catch-all blog post that anyone can share with someone curious about ketamine and some answers from a pretty blunt, adult male perspective (and I love him for that).
What happens in a Ketamine session? You go into a room with a nurse and they take your vitals. Then, talk to you a little bit about how you’re doing. If you’re nervous or anything like that…..then they walk you through next steps like putting the IV line in, getting you an eye mask, and headphones with music. You can talk to them if you need to since they sit there the whole time with you.
How does it feel when you’re under? First off, they start with low doses and progress upward in the process of your appointments. When they put the IV in, it takes 10-15 minutes for it to kick it out of a 45 minute session. Once it kicks in, I can feel it “coming on” where my body feels fuzzy everywhere but not scary, it’s a nice feeling. After that, it’s hard to explain….when you close your eyes, stuff just starts to come up – it depends on what you’re focused on, what you’re working through. For me, it was past trauma and having conversations with my abuser.
They start you with 6 sessions, 2/week and it progressively gets tougher as time goes on.
What happens if you panic/freak out when you’re “under”? There is someone there to help talk you down if you do panic and give you choices and control if you want to stop. I ripped the eye mask at one point and they helped calm me down with some different coping strategies (heat, ice, oils, etc.). I only panicked for a short time before I realized I was safe. That was only because I was digging through some deep stuff at that point.
Were you nervous? The first time – yes. In my first IV, they gave me a small bit of anxiety meds and that helped but then after that, I knew what to expect. I was nervous at the next appointment after a really hard one and then the nurse helped remind me of the procedures that I can request to stop it. Then it was one of my better sessions.
Did it help? Yes it definitely helped. I have had very little anxiety after I started last year. The ruminating thoughts, which was the biggest thing for me, have pretty much gone. Sine I haven’t been to an appointment in a while, I can “feel the edge” starting to creep back in which is a reminder for me to schedule an appointment.
How often do you need to go? They suggest 2 sessions a week for 3 weeks. After that, you do 1 a month for 3-4 months. And then every other month. At this point, I schedule sessions as needed. It’s been 2 months right now and I want to schedule another session before summer ends.
How is Ketamine different than traditional talk therapy and/or medication? I did both of those things for years and there’s not anything wrong with those, I just personally plateued with those methods. Ketamine helped me be present in my trauma/mind’s eye and deal with it in “real time” through conversations or observing what happened with my adult brain. I realized that trauma was definitely stored in my actual body (which my wife has been telling me for years) and my left side actually was agitated more during treatments which is interesting and proved that point to me.
How do I know if Ketamine is a good choice for me? If you have been trying other things like therapy, medication, or other mental health interventions and it feels like nothing is working or stagnant (also known as treatment-resistant anxiety/depression)- this is an option for you to look into. You can call the place for a consult and they ask you questions about your history of trauma, medication, referral and hopes for the treatment to address your anxiety and depression.
Even after him enduring this interview, he offered to talk to anyone with questions about his experience, so if that’s you – let me know and we can set it up.
I had a very privileged experience in my school journey and absolutely fell in love with school. The school supplies, the relationships with teachers, and yes even the actual learning excited me enough to want to work in that field for the rest of my life. However, there was a knowing inside of me that knew classroom teaching wasn’t the path….so I had to explore some other options. For my 18th “moment”, I thought I would highlight a few different moments where I knew what I wanted to pursue in my career.
With an interest in psychology and human behavior (although this wasn’t labeled for me until well into high school taking my first psych class – thank you Mr. Demorest), I began to explore options that combined school and psychology.
My senior year, I distinctly remember an experience where I was required to do a job shadow and I chose a school psychologist (literal combination of school and psychology – haha). And while I completely admire and value what school psychologists do….this experience showed me this was a career I was NOT interested in. That school psychologist (I wish I knew who it was) introduced me to school counseling and thought it might be more what I was looking for in the education field (working with a wide range of students, experiential learning, impact on emotions, preventing child abuse, etc.)….since I hadn’t had much experience with counselors up to that point, this was all new to me and I was excited to learn more. I’m not even sure if job shadows are still a thing…..but this particular experience was pivotal for me in deciding my future so I recommend seeking out these experiences prior to deciding on a college pathway personally.
In college at WSU (go cougs), I got the chance to work as an Orientation Counselor for their New Student Programs and FELL IN LOVE…..this experience of working with high school students, creating magical moments to increase their sense of belonging at the school and guiding their choices for academics, involvement, and more felt like home to me and I was excited to seek that out in my career. Our training was very extensive and included some principals of the Disney Way which has stuck with me throughout my professional and personal life.
And the rest is history really….I sought out experiences in my undergraduate career that would help prepare me for a graduate program in School Counseling, I applied to the best program around, and was the only student in my cohort straight out of undergrad. Two years later, I landed a leave replacement, then a permanent job and am currently obsessed with all things school counseling, 16 years later.
What I love most about being a school counselor: 1. No day is ever the same….I show up to work with a tentative plan and schedule, but then have to be flexible to the needs of students, staff, and families at any particular moment. This helps me feel a sense of urgency and value when I show up to work each morning.
2. I believe that school (especially elementary school) is a huge teacher of healthy RELATIONSHIPS….and reinforcing what a child already knows to be true about healthy caregiving OR rewriting harmful narratives about how caregivers act is very important to me.
3. I get to walk alongside teachers in teaching social emotional learning – all the other stuff besides content that creates healthy humans. Coping skills, responding to mistakes, getting along with others, etc are all skills that can be intentionally taught (and in my mind should be taught each and every day).
4. In my most recent years as a school counselor, I have really loved coaching parents as they navigate difficult situations like domestic violence, suicidal ideation, healing from trauma, adoption and attachment. This portion of the job used to intimidate me big time especially prior to becoming a parent, but I think the adults need as much support as youth in today’s world with so many pressures and threats to our mental health.
5. I get to PLAY every single day – when I come home from work, I can identify at least one (if not several) moments of joy from that day. Whether its me dominating at 4-square during recess or a laughable moment with a co-worker, my job really is full of fun. I also am an extremely extroverted human….so having relationships with so many folks, deepening those relationships, and being able to sing and dance with a microphone blasting music is a perfect combination for me! If schools are not a fun place to be, we are missing the mark and I appreciate my colleagues that feel the same!!!
I am so very grateful for all of the amazing staff and admin I have worked with as a school counselor that support me, my role and prioritize the importance of mental health work with students – unlike others in my field, I have never had an admin (Kevin, Cindy, Mischa, Joel if you’re reading this -thank you) that didn’t support school counseling and my crazy ideas 100% and that means so many students and families have been able to access supports desperately needed from the public school system.
There are a few items in my home that seem so small and trivial but make me pretty darn happy (or in some cases, pretty darn healthy). These are the items I recommend over and over to other people. I thought I would link them up here in case you were interested – ENJOY!! You can click on the photos to shop or save to a wishlist as well!
Sleep with a snorer? 1. Diffuser right by their bed (to be more specific, pointing right at their face) with some Breathe oil – helps their snoring and in our case, gave him a more peaceful sleep 2. Headband bluetooth headphones – some white noise, mediation, etc. to help you fall and stay asleep. These things are so comfy!!
In the kitchen (from someone that rarely cooks anything – so take with a grain of salt here obvi):
1. Best chopper with different size blades for easy salad prep –
2. Milk frother – fun to whip up for coffee and hot chocolate for the kiddos!
Digestive/IBS issues (ew David) – Okay this is weird but I attribute a complete overhaul of my digestion to 2 things – my beloved Terrazyme supplements and this crazy contraption I first saw on Shark Tank. Honestly I miss it for my morning business when we’re away or camping….haha. Don’t judge.
Extreme jaw pain – from all the stress and all the teeth clenching when a night guard didn’t work for me, I saw this pillow suggested, went for it and it worked wonders!!! I have no idea how it works but it did for me!
As a passionate educator, I came into my school counseling career with limited life experience but a lot of educational training on students and all the things that stand in the way of their academic success (personal background, learning disabilities, child abuse, opportunity gaps, etc.). And as my years of professional personal experience continue to climb, I am confronted with more and more systemic harms and systemic oppression that are much larger barriers for so many of my students, my own child navigating the “adult world”, and a lot of other humans I come into contact with that are a far heavier burden than any of those individual circumstances.
And sometimes when describing these barriers, it is hard for others to gain perspective on these hurts and barriers if never confronted with them personally. For example, I knew about the justice system inequitiesfrom reading this book and other news, but was not personally affected until on trial for my WonderGIRL’s trial against her abuser and then later part of a jury selection process that weeded me out for “knowing too much about childhood trauma’s impact on memory and the brain.” The anger that raged inside of me knowing that our jury didn’t believe my daughter because no one on that jury knew or could explain what happens to a brain that has been abused over time will never go away…..
I thought I would leave a few key readings or listening resources you might be interested in to gain some others’ perspectives as you move forward in our world that I need to hope will move in a forward direction toward “liberty and justice for all.”
My favorite post from the 4th of July – a holiday that had many conflicting feelings so so many people.
Educational trauma – I love my job as a school counselor and love the services and empowerment that public education provides to students and families. But the inequities are HUGE – I appreciate my colleagues and passionate leaders who also see these injustices and work on removing both collective and individual barriers to learning and growth for our most vulnerable little humans. There are a lot of books out there that can speak to marginalized groups and their experiences in school but here is one that I tore through with both curiosity and anger (I saw the author speak live at this conference and was hooked on her mission):
Religious trauma – I have always had some doubts on collective group religion although feel strongly about the power of having strong, individual faith journeys. Especially when it comes to the views and judgement passed onto to the LGTBQIA community, which in my opinion, is completely counterintuitive to the teachings of the bible. If you’re interested in learning more (since this is not my story to share but something I think needs to be shared), here are a few stories to listen to/watch in order to stretch your thinking on the topic.
I also fully acknowledge that these stories are ones that I personally sought out and received from folks that look like me, think like me and while I try to look at things from both sides, these are issues about human rights that cannot afford folks to remain neutral and sit on the fence about. I am looking forward to voting and getting involved with legislation in hopes we can move forward as a country….as well as continue to build safe spaces for little ones to find their voice, show compassion for others, and grow into leaders who will make our world a better place (insert all hope placed in future generations here). Thanks for reading and exploring with me.
As much of parenting children with extreme histories of trauma is, periods of doubt and questioning come up often. This is not unique to foster and adoptive parenting as I hear from a number of parents that raising whole and healthy humans is the toughest job around and no one hands us instruction manuals. But the variable here that is pertinent to raising others’ children is the lack of shared genetics, knowledge of histories and feelings of helplessness that comes from not knowing anything about what happened before they came into your world and changed it forever.
And sometimes the only comfort for that helplessness is sharing the misery and connecting with other trauma parents in the same boat. While I was sharing a particular update within the last 6 months that has been incredibly difficult for our family and for one of our Wonders with another adoptive parent, he said something that has stuck with me and given me hope during some very dark moments, weeks, and periods of questioning. He assured/reminded me of the fact that intergenerational trauma and the effects of trauma can be passed down through multiple generations. So our influence on their lives is not just meaningful if a positive outcome comes out of our efforts to that particular child….but the influence will persist into the very chemistry of their children, their grandchildren and on and on and on.
When we signed on to foster and eventually adopt, we wanted to steer the path of these vulnerable little ones toward a better outlook gifted to them through a series of horrific events and experiences. So thinking about it in this “long game” sense gave me some hope that our efforts weren’t wasted and hoping that just a slight break in these cycles would benefit our future grandchildren and beyond.
If you are parenting (or educating or caring for vulnerable children in any way), I see you and the hard work you are putting in. The sacrifices to your families and network of loved ones, to your health and the emotional safekeeping of all those around you. I encourage you to find some perspective in this knowledge and release some of the pressure you might be putting on yourself to save them (they are not broken) or to get a positive outcome (we are not in control of another human’s future, even though we try).
If you are interested in this topic, I highly recommend the following read (not only if you are a foster/adopt parent but also if you know generations before you experienced specific or historical trauma) – it might shed some light on some mysteries surrounding you or your health.
This man has been completely transformed by becoming a father….a father to a number of kiddos who ONLY knew a father that was abusive, manipulative, and barely provided even a slight version of love and nurturing to them.
And just like many fathers, he had to grow into the role over time and that wasn’t easy. Understanding the dynamics of each child and figuring out to humbly love them unconditionally, as well as navigate his own childhood triggers and feelings about parenting.
What I love the most about the example he shows them and is very open to expressing to them…..is admittance of his struggles and roller coaster of mental health journey. And a constant willingness to get help for those struggles….to become a better father, husband and person always. That is what they need to see….a vision for their future, not only for their own health but for the health of their future family relationships as well. When they hit bumps in their roads, I hope they look back and remember their father hitting the same bumps and seeking help from his community, his family, and mental health professionals.
I am so very proud of the journey towards true and healthy fatherhood this man has taken. And while it makes me a bit jealous, seeing the love and adoration the Wonders have for him through the ups and the downs is truly magical.
And boy do our nieces love their “Uncle Sock” as well….so cute!
Now that I’m pumping out videos on my Tik Tok account, I tend to get similar questions about resources, book study books, and other tools from my counseling office….and even though I keep answering them in the comments, I thought I’d compile my answers and links all in one blog post for folks to refer to here. Click on image to read more and purchase if interested.
Question: If you were to recommend reading one book about trauma-informed practices (for myself or a book study), what would it be?
Question: If you were to purchase one resource for your first year as a school counselor, what would it be?
Question: If you were to purchase one sensory tool for your office, what would it be?
Question: If you were moving to an admin or behavioral support position, what book would you recommend?
Question: If you were to have one board game in your office, what would it be?
Question: My ________ just became a teacher/school counselor and I want to get them something special. What should I get them?
I am trying to keep my amazon storefront lists current, so if you’re interested in more, feel free to check that out (and help me out along the way)!
What questions am I missing? What products/resources are you interested in?
