The Sacred-ness of State

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This season marked our 8th straight trip to the state tournament. And NOT having it last season made me appreciate it just a bit more. Per usual, self-reflection is my self-care so I thought I would put a few thoughts about this special sacred time into writing (without sharing some secrets that make it extra special for future Ferndale players). And although the true definition of sacred has to do with something religious or a specific deity, I am describing state as something sacred, because it is something worthy of being HONORED….so here we go.

This joy doesn’t come around very often – I love that it’s captured for all of time.

The most obvious thing that makes this time the “most wonderful time of the year” is that only a small number of teams actually make it here – playing into November, placing in the top teams at Districts and then coming to a location far from home to battle it out with other top teams is the icing on what was already a successful season. It’s celebrating the hours of grit and grind (and boards and EYP’s and Texas Tough drills) in the gym and making each ounce of individual effort worth it for the collective good and success of the TEAM.

The less obvious “sacred” things that stood out to me specifically this year are the traditions, both big and small, that older players know but don’t share (kind of like Santa but for a sports team) to the youngers. It’s the community and family rallies at the send-off and homecoming. The fans showing up across the state and caring about nothing else but your success. It’s the nighttime team meetings where we squish into the coaches’ room, play silly games, then review game plans for the next day (including the dreaded breakfast wake up call). And all the other little moments in between (see a few in picture form below).

  • Sacred chats (and lukewarm Chinese food) in the Safeway.
  • These vans hold bonding, bad playlists, and even sometimes relationship interventions.
  • Community and family support for our send-off.
  • Pre-tourney meditation and gear reveal.

And on a personal note, one of my favorite parts of state weekend is getting my entire coaching staff to MYSELF (okay to the varsity squad) for the whole time. While my JV and C team coaches have their own teams to invest in, it’s a bit of “passing ships in the night” during the season so getting them on the bench and around in practice sessions is the best. I am so lucky to constantly have a crew of caring and oh-so-knowledgeable coaches leading this program and the state tournament is our last hoorah together – being with folks that make me laugh and that I trust with the players on and off the court is something I don’t take for granted.

Taryn is not crying just in case you were wondering.
The essentials were packed. IYKYK.

On letting her breathe

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She sat at the back and they said she was shy,
She led from the front and they hated her pride,
They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,
They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,
When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,
So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,
They told her they’d listen, then covered their ears,
And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,
And she listened to all of it thinking she should,
Be the girl they told her to be best as she could,
But one day she asked what was best for herself,
Instead of trying to please everyone else.
So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees,
She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves,
She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine,
And she told them what she’d been told time after time,
She told them she felt she was never enough,
She was either too little or far far too much,
Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak,
Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek,
Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs,
And she stopped…and she heard what the trees said to her,
And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,
For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe.

Came across this on Facebook and it took my breath away….had to share. Had to save so I can stumble upon later.

On 9 years

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Getting married in our late 20s meant we had some stuff to work out in our early relationship. Some past patterns and hurts that showed up early and threatened our relationship in big ways….I am so glad those hurts stretched us, made us vulnerable, and got us into therapy because it built two individual humans strong enough to endure what was to come.

The last two years have included some dark and hard tunnels. And I respect and love this man for blindly walking through them with me hand in hand….without knowing when the light will come.

On my mid-life “whatever you wanna call it”

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As I near the age of 40 (which means very little to me as far as ages go), I am noticing that this age DOES mean some things to people around me, especially women. And what I’m observing from both close and afar…..which makes me super excited, proud, inspired is that reaching higher ages and “mid-life” has prompted so many of my friends to “EVOLVE” or as I like to call it “up level.” They are realizing their potentials, they are healing themselves or accessing help to heal themselves, they are leaving toxic situation and they are pursuing their purposes. So instead of the old verbiage, “mid-life crisis”….I thought I would share a little about the collective “mid-life level up” I am witnessing around me and some resources you might be into as well.

Looking back on my life in creating my family within the last 10 years, my realization of purpose and prompts for healing needed to come earlier out of the need for sheer survival. Committing to a life of loving my husband and kids with complex-PTSD meant we all had to reflect on our own triggers, heal our reactions in small moments, and “do the work” (as I like to say) much earlier than might happen in typical family stories. This work included hours of therapy, handfuls of personal development reads and podcasts, tears and heartache, and hours of the holy grail of healing – meditation practices.

The books that keep “popping up” as inspiration in my journey:

Untamed should be required reading for all women. What Happened to You? should be required reading for all foster/adopt parents, educators and survivors of childhood trauma. Highly recommend BOTH!
These two reads are “the HEAVY and HARD work.” They are a bit more cerebral and will gut punch you at times with their prompts and concepts but if you can stay present and dig in, enlightenment is on the other side waiting for you.
I would recommend these books for “non-readers.” They are short stories and can be picked up, put down at any time. Great for coffee tables or travel. Small stories – big impact!

To all of my mid-lifers out there, I see you and honor you. Keep meditating and raising your self-awareness. Keep striving for your best self. And keep sharing your journey – you may never know the seeds of inspiration that grow in others’ hearts and be the missing puzzle piece for the evolution of another. Let’s level up together shall we?

P.S. And can I even do a blog post on personal growth without a Brene quote? I think not…..

”I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.

Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.

Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.’’
– Brené Brown

On the Enneagram – again

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Two years ago I wrote about my new love and discovery of the Enneagram personality typing system. And let me tell you, my excitement and the novelty of that discovery has NOT worn off over time. Anytime I am discussing relational health (or dysfunction) with others, I ask if they know their enneagram types and whether or not that information might be helpful in understanding the other person. There is something about knowing my spouse’s and childrens’ types that almost depersonalizes their hurtful behavior (whether intentional or not) and helps bring us to a place of resolution much faster.

Don’t know what I’m talking about? Start here with my first post about the topic.

As a devoted and (sometimes embarrassingly passionate) enneagram 3 – I want to be best at understanding how this assessment works, my type and how to use it to achieve success and the best possible outcome. Next step is of course – read all the things!!! Here are a few of the books I have read in diving deep into this topic.

I would highly recommend the Becoming Us book although it does have a heavy biblical base to it.

There are lots of other places to find information too. I follow some amazing instagram sites where creators add memes, videos or other graphs visuals about types that can help you understand yourself and those around you better. DM me on instagram and I can point you in the right direction or just search enneagram hashtags for some great content!

I have presented multiple workshops on this topic throughout my school district (my fave was to our whole entire crew of bus drivers – it was awesome) to raise their self-awareness, the most courageous act of self-care there is in education I believe. Even just knowing our little set of school counselors’ enneagram types can help me relate to them more and provide meetings/professional development that will be truly effective for them.

This coming week on Wednesday, I am SUPER stoked to present a workshop combining the Enneagram and my other love, ESSENTIAL OILS at my house. We are going to be talking through our types and which oils might be beneficial to us (especially in times of misalignment or stress). If you’d like an invite, just message me and I’ll get you the details. I have been working this idea in my head for a while so we’re excited to offer it this summer – and in person too!!!

Let me know if you’d like to come to our workshop – Wednesday, 7/14 at 6pm!

Want to start figuring out your type? There are a lot of different quizzes you can take….or some people read about each type and try to figure out which resonates the most for them. Here is the quiz that I most often give to people to take which also gives short descriptions of each type:
Fast Enneagram Test

Let me know if you’re as into this as I am! I love to geek out on types and figure out how everyone in my circle of love works – inside and out!

June highlights

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We crammed a lot into this month – here is a little photo dump of all the things.

Most importantly, a lot of naps were had.
WonderGIRL’s grad party – loved seeing her biggest fans all in one spot!
Oh…and of course an excuse to make a huge charcuterie board – my love language.

More graduation celebrations.

Last day of 8th grade and my first year at Central Elementary – whoo this year was a DOOZY!

Our 2nd annual “fire family” campout at Sun Lakes did not disappoint – in amazing weather and the best company!

WonderBOY has decided to give football a try this Fall – look at him in his gear!!!! Stop growing little man!

On WG’s 19th birthday

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY WonderGIRL – we couldn’t be more proud of you. Yes, of the graduation and your sweet personality and the landing of your first job….but MOSTLY for the work you’ve put in and the emotional growth you have shown over these last 8 years with us. It has taken excruciating painful hours and tears to get to this point but you’re DOING it – you are changing the wiring of your brain. You’re blazing new trails for your future family. You’re learning to love in healthy ways. Ready for the world you are….we can’t wait to walk alongside you and cheer you on.
Love, Team Hoelzle Brown (your #1 fans always)

It’s been a while since we did some interview questions – let’s capture her brain, thoughts, and dreams as she heads into her 19th trip around the sun!

  • What Makes You Happy? My job and my boyfriend. Rexie – the cat. And music….like country and love songs. My favorite song right now is “Don’t You Want to Know” by Noah Schnacky.
  • What Makes You Sad? Missing my sister Haillee. When bad things happen to good people…..like when others die for no reason (car accident) or when someone loses someone they love.
  • What is Your Favorite Thing to Do? Hang out outside of this house. Get ice cream. Sleep.
  • What is Your Favorite Food? Spaghetti – the “OG” kind. Not anything fancy.
  • What Do You Like to Learn About? People’s lives.
  • What WAS Your Favorite Subject in School? Culinary….because I enjoy the teacher and it was fun to learn new recipes.
  • Who is Your Best Friend? Sophia – She is understanding and loving no matter what.
  • What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up? I DON’T KNOW (she says frustrated). Right now I’m a caregiver at an assisted living home – I love the residents, but am not sure I can emotionally handle some of their struggles.
  • Where Would You Like to Travel? I want to go to Paris one day. I want to visit Rome. I want to go to Georgia again. Disneyworld would be fun. And London.
  • What’s Your Favorite Place to Be? The beach and water – it’s very soothing.
  • What Are Your Favorite Shows to Binge? The Vampire Diaries, Gilmore Girls, Legacies and On My Block
  • What Would You Buy Right Now If You Could? A new bed….because I don’t want my old one anymore. Because there’s too many memories and hard emotions on it. Or a house.
  • Where do you hope to be in 1 year from now? I hope to have a stable job. I hope me and (boyfriend) are still together. I want to be more accepting of myself (with the help of you – Mom). And I hope to be driving with my license by then as well.

On missing all the things

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Last summer the world was shut down as the Pandemic raged. This summer, life is opening back up and we are resuming previously scheduled events. Although I enjoyed the slower pace and focus on family last summer, there are certain things that I didn’t realize I missed so much until I go to do them again this year.

One of those events is our FHS volleyball kids camp – bringing in the youngest volleyballers and opening up our gym doors and our players’ hearts to the community is such a time of joy. My players have always done an amazing job of not only teaching volleyball skills, but increasing confidence in the campers AND creating joy for the sport. In our town, kiddos play soccer basically out of the womb, so exposing them to a different sport is always a highlight for me personally.

My favorite parts:
Day 2 – dress up days

Watching my high schoolers experience the joys and struggles of coaching. Responses to “what did you learn about coaching”, they said…..
– you need lots and lots of patience
– picking teams was hard!
– clear and more clear communication
– pride when seeing them succeed

Creative drills to focus on volleyball skills – usually we do a candy challenge to practice passing to target. This year, campers got to play with the “all the rage” pop-its. And then the high schoolers were obsessed and wouldn’t put them down.

My last favorite – while the high schoolers coach, I get to connect with my coaching staff and plan/dream about the upcoming season. I seriously have a rock star of a team right now and am so thankful for their passion and love for our program.

Receiving messages from campers’ parents confirms how much this camp can do for our community and for individual campers –
“_____ had SUCH a blast. Thank you so much for you and the girls hosting. In the car she was like “wow….mom…I can’t wait until I get to high school. I’m going to play volleyball.” You guys made such an impact not here girls. Please host more!”

“_______ had a great time. Her confidence in her serve really improved and she is so excited to try out for her middle school team this year.”

BraveGIRL graduates too

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BraveGIRL after months of not speaking to us, gave us two tickets to see her graduate. We are so proud of this one and so happy to be back in her life – for as long as she’ll have us!

Excerpt from Instagram:
Fostering teens is messy. Their trauma plus normal teenage changes can create some storms that can last days and even months. 

And as I tried to tell myself in the middle of those storms….when they ran away from home, blocked me from any contact, yelled all the mean things, threatened suicide and even sat in a jail cell for a night – we were planting seeds that will eventually grow. More seeds. More water. More seeds. More water. 

Seeds of healthy relationships with more trust and less manipulation. Seeds of wellness and coping skills vs. easy fixes. Seeds of learning and growth vs. avoidance and excuses. Seeds of restoration and healing vs. denial and going through the motions. 

This weekend our two foster teens graduated high school with smiles on their faces and joy in their hearts. With their histories pulling them back from this milestone every step of the way, they persevered and rose above what had happened to them. The harvest could not be prevented….

If you’re in the middle of a relational storm right now….focus on the seeds. Little tiny actions you are modeling that exposes the other to your goodness and light without forcing them to show theirs in the exact same ways. ? 

And also….I see you. I honor the work and the exhaustion. Keep breathing. Keep going. Give yourself grace – you only need enough for right now. ✨✨✨ More is on its way…..

A piece of writing that BG wrote in her senior English class – tears upon tears.

On her graduation day

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June was a blur of celebrations, school coming to a close for the craziest year yet, and start of summer shenanigans. Let me catch up with a few blog posts….

First up – WonderGIRL’s graduation day! With so many conflicting feelings leading up to this day, we were filled with joy to see relief and smiles on her face the night of the ceremony, surrounded by her family and boyfriend to share in the occasion.

So proud of your persistence and grit getting to this moment – and please remember that while you may have earned your title of “graduate” and “adult” this year, we will always be by your side to help and support you each step of this life’s journey!!! Love you forever and ever…..