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On Contribution – A Year of Writing

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How do you feel like you contribute to the world through your vocation?
In my current vocational shift, I believe that I am disrupting a harmful institution that is public education by making efforts to educate and empower folks with children that have experienced trauma to build and create safe spaces for their learning and potential. In my mentorship with school counselors, I believe I am planting seeds of creativity and innovation in the field so that more students are impacted by proactive mental health strategies and social emotional learning that will impact their lives as adults in relationship with others. My greatest pride in the last 16 years of my career is watching school counselors that I have mentored or supervised have meaningful interactions with students, families and staff members knowing them being in that role is making a difference in that life.

A bunch of lovely counselors at our state conference last year!

How do you contribute to your family or friend group on a regular basis?
Particularly in response to contributing to my family, I hope that at the of their lives, they will know without a doubt that I loved them UNCONDITIONALLY. That their trauma and abuse was not their fault and that no amount of behavior will change the way I feel about them. HOWEVER, I also hope they learn that without healing, their past hurts will show up and damage other folks in their path. That without doing the extremely hard work of healing, they will be responsible for the outcomes of their hurt and abuse by lying, cheating, seeking control, etc. I heard a quote on Glennon Doyle’s podcast that said “it may not be your fault, but it still is your problem” and that really resonated with me as I work with folks that have experienced abuses and trauma far outside of their control. The other contribution I believe I am making to my children in particular is a simple one….I’m not going anywhere. I am sticking this out with you. I want to support you. When you hurt me, boundaries will need to be put into place, but I will continue to be there/support/love you.

Is there a meaningful giving experience you’d like to plan for in the future? Write about it.
One aspect of working with children that I never had sufficient time for as a school counselor was deeply working in supporting the parents. Walking alongside them in navigating for their students’ needs and affirming the hard and exhausting work they are doing while experiencing intensive vicarious trauma. That is something I want to move into with my new business venture….parenting groups, advocacy in school team meetings, personal parent coaching – I am so looking forward to just being in community with these parents and helping wherever I can in their journies. And bonus dream, I would LOVE to make enough money through alternative streams of income, that I can offer these services free of charge. We are nowhere near that goal as of now, but working slowly but surely in making it happen.

On Work – A Year of Writing

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What is your dream job?
If you were to ask me what my dream job was at any point between 2007-2023, I would have told you with 100% confidence that I had it. I was an elementary school counselor, a role I am utterly obsessed with (reference point, my tik tok page) and felt fulfilled as a varsity volleyball coach for an elite volleyball program in the hometown and school that raised me and made me who I am today. These were two jobs that I committed my heart and education to early on as a high schooler and did everything in my power to achieve those goals. Those careers were everything to me – I loved stepping into others’ lives during vulnerable moments, whether it was a crisis at school or coaching teenagers through the ups and downs of sports, life and love during their most formative years, I felt like I was contributing to individual lives and improving our community as a whole. I also felt incredibly valued by others – although criticism was there in small amounts, mostly I felt overwhelming gratitude and positivity coming from those I was DIRECTLY involved with (folks that indirectly heard things are a whole different story).

What are your work values? Think of values that bring you emotional fulfillment (being challenged, helping others, influence, etc.) as well as external things that you value (high earnings, job security, having adequate time away from work, etc.)
When I resigned from my school counseling position this last August, I made the decision by reflecting on both my personal and professional values and deciding whether or not my current place of employment would support those values. And at first, I thought maybe my personal and professional values would be different but the more I was curious and explored, the more I realized there were exactly the same. Connection and growth – to grow as a person and profession, we have to feel safe and supported. The only way to do that is through genuine connection and trust. Another important value to me is integrity, and as I define it, authenticity and “realness” – I want to hear your struggles AND your strengths and I want to make sure I am public about mine as well. My blog and my social media show the highlights and the hard parts and I am proud of that. My other values include compassion, empowerment, balance, unconditional love and VALUE (to be valued and to add value to others’ lives).

Do you feel like you need to work toward a change in your career or vocation? Why?
So now that I have been wiped bare in many senses of the word, I have the opportunity to build back my career and my path with these values in place and guiding the way. It is still quite foggy what that looks like and I am learning how to accept that is just what it is for the time being and it won’t feel that way forever. I know I love school counseling and school counselors and would love to keep supporting that work. I know I love working with humans with trauma, both the big and little humans and want to keep that passion area of mine alive in order to help move our collective understanding of it forward both in individual homes and in large systems as well. I feel right at now at this very moment, I am one of those mystery picture puzzles…..where you see just a few pieces at a time and you have to be patient in order to see the resulting final picture…..and for now, waiting for that will be both my daily struggle and my daily opportunity for acceptance and grace.

On a Year of Writing

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One of the ways I wanted to challenge myself this year was to focus on my inner narratives and states of BE-ing (see one little word post). Obviously I love writing, blogging, and sharing my story, but was feeling a pull to go a bit deeper and found a course from this amazing Daily Om website (with a ton of different classes if you’re interested).

Although these are a bit more personal, I want to document them (or the ones I feel comfortable to) here so I can reflect on them once the year has come and gone. One of the gifts of my traumatic year is an experience of feeling “broken open” – to my own exploration of self, curiosity and paths forward.

Each week has a different theme with a variety of questions – sometimes I choose one or a couple to reflect on so here we go.

Week 1 – Roadblocks
What is standing in your way right now?
Right now I am in an “in between” phase from resigning from my position and the betrayal trauma in my marriage. So many of the identities that I held TIGHTLY onto and led my purpose are now wiped away, with the opportunity to start again and build myself from the ground up. The enormity of this seems to be a barrier for me right now. I have so many ideas, some conflicting, some foggy, some so big that it’s hard to fathom them coming to fruition.

Can you reframe the most pressing current obstacle as simply a to-do list? In other words, in order to overcome this, what do you need to learn? What tasks do you need to perform? Who do you need to convince?
To overcome this barrier, I feel like I need to go deep within myself and my. knowing to narrow down my wants for the future. Narrow down my niche and my business plan to move forward. These obstacles are definitely fears – failure is my biggest fear and I don’t want to start this business and not have it succeed. Most other things I have set my mind to in my life have come true…..which has always been a source of pride for me. But it’s also led to this year as I am mid-life and still nowhere further than where I started. I am working on accepting this and being okay in this realization and space.

What is the longest-running obstacle in your life?
The longest-running obstacle in my life has definitely been my body dysmorphia and disordered thoughts/behaviors around exercise and working out. My identity as an athlete ended after my freshman year of college and I had a really hard time with that transition. I couldn’t find joy in fueling my body or exercise as that was always guided for me by coaches and my goals within the sport or activity I was participating in. This has come up for me specifically through this current crisis as my body is reacting to the stress and grief I am feeling. Why do others lose weight and my body is gaining weight? It seems so unfair…..at a time when I am most insecure about myself and my worth, why can’t this one thing just happen naturally for me? I overcame it then with some counseling and surrounding myself with supportive folks – I also found a boyfriend and others that valued my body and spoke truth into some of my insecurities which helped me at the time. I am fortunate now to have a therapist that I feel very safe with to process some of these relapsing thoughts and keep guardrails up on the safety around my disordered urges and triggers.

What steps have you used to make progress toward overcoming it? How far have you come with it? What do you wish would happen? How would that be possible?
I am a researcher – so when I am facing barriers and obstacles I like to research what others have done to overcome it. I suppose I need to do the same with my new business adventure – what business plan and strategy can I follow to start feeling the momentum of sales and success? Who can I network with that will be a guide for me? Starting at the new co-working space is an exciting motivator for me and feels like it will keep me externally motivated toward my goals.