Alright so yes this is cheating. I am going to link a blog post I did a while back documenting some pivotal moments in the forming of our family with our little (at the time) Wonders. But if I’m nothing else at almost 40 years old, I am efficient and always looking for a way to get things done faster.
On the story of us – 7 years later
It is no surprise to anyone that I love my job. I am obsessed with the role of a school counselor and in particular, the prevention and proactive efforts that an elementary school counselor can provide. I also could talk about it for hours upon hours and never get bored (and in fact try to do just at with conference and graduate program presentations when I can).
Unfortunately, part of school counseling (a large part) is done behind closed doors due to protection of confidentiality. So part of our job gets to be communicating what we do to our communities, colleagues and administrators.
Each year, I publish an annual report to showcase how many students were impacted by the school counseling program. Here is a snapshot of the first page so far this year.
I collect this data this throughout the school year by tracking all of my student and parent contacts into one Excel spreadsheet…..then it’s easy to pull information and visuals to share with staff. I have tweaked and edited this spreadsheet to fit my needs but so many folks have asked for a copy, I uploaded it on Teachers Pay Teachers for others to use for their own programs!
In my beginning years as a professional school counselor, I used this time tracking data to advocate for counseling support to grow to meet the needs of more students. I’ve also used it to show what activities produce academic and behavioral growth versus maintaining “feel good” check ins with students.
Although most see the need for school counseling and mental health support in our current state of affairs, when I first began my career in 2007, budgets were tight and school counselors were often on the chopping block of staff cuts. I was a bit relentless in letting stakeholders in my district know how important school counseling programs can be to impact student learning and growth!
Let me know if you have any questions on this resource! Or if you already use it, I would love to hear how it’s helped you and your program!
I hate that I wrote a post in February of 2018 with my exact feelings as I have today. Another school shooting. This time, 14 elementary school students murdered along with their teacher. When will it end?
Click here to read post.
As an educator tasked with decision-making, safety plans, and risk assessments at school – each incident no matter how far away makes me numb with fear and doubt. My ruminating thoughts summed up in the video below….
Mother’s Day is complicated for so many folks…for our family, it’s been a bit of a historical minefield of triggers, memories, and confusing feelings. Click here for a post I did about this confusion a few years back. I love images like the one below that get posted on social media to recognize both the beauty and the pain that is Mother’s Day.
Last year, for Mother’s Day, I requested a solo weekend in our trailer as a weekend to breathe, rest, have no motherly duties or motherly guilt for not doing the duties….and it was EVERYTHING. An important moment in my life to reinforce that hard work, whether professional, physical or emotional….has to be counterbalanced with REST. I recalled that weekend at many stressful moments during this past year, reminding myself to take time to rest and fill up my own cup from within and from a place of stillness and quiet.
I am excited to repeat this excursion again this coming weekend at one of our favorite campgrounds….and the timing couldn’t be any better for my chaos filled brain, heart, and body.
So, if you’re still reading, here is your daily dose of encouragement to take the time, get away, shut your door, go fo that walk….and do what you need to in asking for what you need. And a cute pic of me with my Wonders after a delicious Mother’s Day breakfast (followed by an equally delicious 2 hour nap at home).
A lovely friend (thank you Anna) gave me some amazing ideas for specific moments in my life she was curious about. I work well off of a list to check off (enneagram 3 coming in hot here) so let the fun begin….
It was March 2010 and I was coming off of a breakup…my HSLP Elke had agreed to a mission trip to Haiti and asked if I would come along. I needed a little something extra fulfilling in my life at that moment and said yes!
One funny moment happened at the planning meeting before the trip – I showed up in all my Ferndale volleyball gear coming straight from practice and met Scott for the first time. After the fact, he shared that he was 100% convinced I was a high schooler at that point in time (we were hanging with our fave high schooler Julia so that made sense).
Once to Haiti, we ended up having beds next to each other in the church building on site at the orphanage. This meant lots of exhausted moments trying to escape the heat and children crawling all over our laps while said rest was trying to happen.
A lot of time was spent falling in love with the children there and being safe spaces for them to get love and nurturing from.
At this trip, we had a conversation about our intentions to adopt children as the primary way to build our future families and I remember thinking that I had never heard someone else (let alone a male at that time with my circle of peeps) feel the same way I did. Also, on this trip, I got to sit next to Scott on the flight home as he had literal panic attacks from his fear of flying…..I kept him busy with aggressive bantering and tales of Haitian babies to keep him occupied.
A week later, he texted Elke to ensure his odd of a “yes” from me was in his future. We drank too much wine at Scotty Browns on our first date as we spent hours talking about our trip. And the rest is history!!!
A year later, we were fortunate enough to take a return trip to the same orphanage together. Oh did our favorite little Haitian crew (and Julia of course) love that we were dating.
So all of this culminated in my all-time favorite picture of me and my husband atop a Haitian hill at sunset with our little loves playing with garbage and loving us. This picture serves as a quick dopamine boost whenever I need to remember our story, our collective purpose, and the beautiful start of the broken road that led us to each other .
Throughout my years as a school counselor and then as a mama to my Wonders, I have fallen into the lane of diving into, educating about, and training colleagues on how to work with kiddos who have experienced trauma. There has been so much current research and actual neuroscience that SHOULD change the way we do business with kids (and frankly, with adults as well). And since it hasn’t caught on as widespread as I would like, I try and do my part to influence who I can on the importance of this information.
With some new folks visiting my blog, I thought I would do some posts that will collate some of that information. Tik Tok episode 1: Whatever you are, be consistent (ie, “predictable”)!
Tik tok episode 2: Frontloading the change in schedule or anxiety trigger.
Tik Tok episode 3: Talk your thoughts.
And if you’re more of a book reader versus a Tik Tok watcher…here are my top 3 suggestions!
All books (and more) linked in my Amazon storefront! Stay tuned for more information regarding this topic….and if you’re here for cute pics of my kiddos and cats, then check back later!!
My little man turns 14 today and I thought I would take this chance to document some of the things that I love about him as he grows into a young man and never want to forget.
1. His empathy – I am sure this a byproduct of his early childhood, but this child can sense when we are 10% sadder, madder, upset, etc and will instantly come check on what’s wrong.
2. Every morning he asks me how I slept and every time I come home he specifically asks how work, practice, my meeting went (and genuinely listens to my answer).
3. He never stops talking….which yes gets him in trouble at school but at home means we get to hear all about his thoughts, his friends, his wonderings….and I love that.
4. He is becoming very articulate about his feelings….although it was painful at the time, I got to witness him share his vulnerable feelings with his older sister and her impact on him in a way that brought tears to my eyes. Not because of the words and impact (although that was heartbreaking), but because I know we have helped him find his voice, make sense of his childhood trauma triggers, and feel brave enough to share that with others.
5. When Scott is at work, WB loves to watch my nighttime show with me (Gilmore Girls forever)….but is deeply offended when I turn over to face away from him. “Noooooo not the butt side. Then I can’t see your face.” It literally makes me melt and laugh all at the same time…..
And some embarrassing yet CCCUUUUTTTTEEEEE older photos that I can’t resist posting:
And maybe because WG is out there navigating adult life but for some reason, WB turning 14 feels like the beginning of the END and he will be leaving us soon. I peeked out the window the other day and he was BEHIND THE WHEEL and parking the truck (with Scott guiding of course). My little nugget was in charge of a whole large vehicle and I’m pretty sure my heart stopped…..so there’s that.
I love him so and can’t wait to continue watching his personality and relationships grow and thrive.
I am approximately 6 years late to the Tik Tok world….and I’m well aware of my failings as an elder millennial on that piece. I started dabbling during volleyball season this past year and enjoyed the creativity of creating silly videos for the 80-100 folks that were following me at the time.
Vball tik tok
Then I made a small bet incentive for one of my students….if she met some specific goals, I would agree to a TT with her. I posted this on a Friday afternoon and by the following Monday, the video had over 100,000 views! She (and I) were shocked…viral Tik Tok
And then something crazy happened – folks started following me and then watching my old videos. And then those caught on. I loved seeing other teacher creators’ content on the app and also got excited about spreading some “trauma informed schools” knowledge in this space. And slowly but surely….two months later and we’re here at over 5,000 followers (and actually by the time I’m posting this a week later, now over 6,500 followers):
And before you think I’m all serious school counselor-y on the app, let me leave you with my latest video that was just for fun and made me smile (just to myself). Bridgerton Tik Tok
And also, feel free to follow me. As long as you fully acknowledge I am posting this content for strangers only (and if you bring any of my craziness up in person, I will deny it). You’re signing up for a whole lot about school counseling and kids with trauma and a teeny tiny bit of life (if I can convince WB to join me).
Over this last week, I’ve been following along on social media as a handful of my friends have been exploring various Disney parks with their families and friends. Naturally, it has me reflecting on both my childhood trips and taking our kiddos there years back as well.
What I remember from my childhood trips to Disney have very little to do with the rides or the food or the magic of it all – but really about the funny family moments that happen in between all of those other bigger adventures. Obviously, my parents took us WAY before fast passes were a thing so standing in line with my parents and 3 brothers (one older and two way younger than me – just babies it seemed) took up hours and hours of these trips. We often bring these moments up about my younger brothers being incredibly entertaining to us in line by singing songs (usually atop my older brother’s shoulders) and cracking jokes to all that would listen. It is really a shame that we don’t have pics and videos from this time saved for all of time on social media (their current wives and partners are probably sick of our stories and would love to see it in real time).
Other vivid memories I have from my childhood trips:
– character breakfast
– the Disney waterpark (Blizzard Beach I want to say?)
– exploring Epcot on my own with my brother (we were teens) as my parents let us be on our own for a bit….and me really thinking I was hot stuff making eye contact with other teen boys doing the same thing
– visiting different countries at Epcot (we didn’t travel a whole lot so this was eye opening for me and loved seeing bite sized cultures in this way)
– eating at the Germany Oktoberfest spot (all the pretzels please)
Memories I don’t have but am thankful for:
– my parents (Mom mostly I’m sure) planning for, saving money for and taking 4 crazy kids on a road trip, Disney adventure
– getting up early and then closing the park down so the magic never ends
– Mom master planning the schedule so we didn’t miss the parades and the good stuff
So I suppose the moral of this story is…..THANK YOU MOM for your sacrifices in making these trips happen – I appreciate all of that so much more now that I’m a parent. HEY DISNEY PARENTS – it’s not all about the sites and the rides but the in between moments that mean the most….try to stay calm and enjoy those too without stressing about getting to the next thing, micromanaging your kiddos’ moods and getting the perfect photos (PS this is also a pep talk to myself on every family vacation).
Stay tuned just in case I track down photos from my childhood trips (then my bros should really be scared)…..hehe.
As a human that fell in love with a man with complex PTSD and a handful of elementary school children with similar struggles (before we begun our fostering journey), there was a period of time when I felt super frustrated with what was available to me and them as far as resources. When I am faced with a situation I don’t understand, I want to learn more and research and dive into the topic.
But at the time (over 10 years ago), there was not a lot available as far as reading, internet groups, documentaries, etc. on this topic. And I knew in my gut that there had to be more out there and different ways of doing things, healing, shifting the education system to better support folks that have experienced childhood trauma.
Enter this book:
This book really helped me understand the role of traumatic experiences living inside our bodies and playing out in physical responses (versus being just a brain/thought process that was affected). And although I had graduated with my masters in counseling, the spectrum of other services and resources that actually showed greater healing potential than just talk therapy outlined in this book really opened my eyes.
Reading this book motivated me to look further into other modalities of healing for both my husband and my students (and for my future mama self, my foster children). Unfortunately, some of the only recommendations offered to folks (especially children) who have experienced trauma is medication and talk therapy. And although sometimes those do help address the symptoms, there are so many other options out there that I wish would be promoted as options as well. These include things like yoga, mindfulness, EMDR, psychedelic interventions, and specific trauma informed types of therapy.
Later, this book was a catalyst in me advocating for my WonderGIRL as her parade of counselors provided by the state were just not doing anything for her or for us. I dove into attachment therapy and really felt like it was what she needed. It led us to our current therapist who is still treating WG and I am the MOST grateful we found her and she agreed to walk alongside our family during some of our toughest years.
Since I read this, I have also found other books that have really helped me become more trauma-informed and invested both at work and in my family. If you are interested in some of these reads, here is a link to my recommended reading list.