On my One Little Word – 3 months in

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A little reflection on my One Little Word, RECLAIM, one quarter into this year.

First things first, I am really trying to reclaim some time for myself to recover and restore from the stresses of the current school year. I knew a big exercise goal would not be healthy for me so just focusing on 20 minutes of movement each day (no matter what it looks like or how many calories I actually burn) has been helpful. Plus, I love seeing the progress on this little circle tracker for the year.

I have loved my Pelo treadmill – the walk playlists and the ability to blog/be creative while I walk has been awesome for me!

With some amazing progress on his own self the past 6 months, Scott and I are trying to also work on our relationship and prioritizing date nights. We are on track for one date per week – we don’t want to get bored though so pass along any fun date night or day suggestions so we can keep things fresh!

As far as travel and adventures, we have been to both Arizona on a plane, Anacortes in our trailer and Leavenworth in a hotel – all great adventures both as a couple and with WonderBOY with us. We still have big dreams of going somewhere warm and tropical over Christmas vacation….but with a few looming family situations, we have to wait a while to officially book it.

Some of the things and/or activities I am still looking forward to reclaiming this year a bit more:
– reading more
– writing more (I’ve hit a bit of writers block for my 40 moments series)
– making money from my professional teachings/trainings

Overall, I am really leaning into listening to my body and giving it and my heart what it needs to navigate each day, hour, new stressful situation….I have always struggled with an even pull towards laziness and productivity with a special dose of guilt for each so finding this balance is always tricky for me.

And per usual, a fun tik Tok to tie up this blog post:

6/40 moments – the reason I stayed

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Many people don’t know this, but prior to receiving the head coaching gig at FHS, I had firm plans to move down to Vancouver, Washington to start my counseling career down there. Chelsey’s impact on my life and the love and family feel of my hometown during this time changed my mind and my course forever…..and for that and to her, I am so incredibly grateful.

April 2018

An excerpt from this blog post talking about a former player of mine, Chelsey Rae Ebert, who suffered and died from terminal cancer her sophomore year of high school (my first year as head volleyball coach at FHS).

This experience (her illness, being in community with her, being asked to speak at her funeral, etc.) still is one of the largest motivators I have to continue coaching 17 years later. Each year before our Fall season, I spend some quiet time at her gravesite to set intentions and remember that the relationships I build and foster each season far outweighs our record, our successes or any trophy.

On our favorite campgrounds

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When we first got our travel trailer, I had a few people suggest some gems of campgrounds (some on this very list – thank you Uncle Jimmy) and it was so helpful to us. Thought some of you might be interested as well….so here ya go!

  1. Pioneer Trails – Anacortes, WA
    What we love about this private RV park – it’s open year round, is close to both Anacortes and Deception Pass (and a ton of great hiking trails), has a workout room and is so clean and quiet. There has always been spots available even on a short notice reservation.

2. Washington Park – Anacortes WA
This one is a city owned park but is on a great walking/biking loop. It has beautiful views of the islands and feels like you’re camping in the middle of the forest. This is where we took our maiden voyage in our trailer so it holds a special place in my heart. It’s also super close to the ferry terminal if you want to take a day trip to one of the islands (we love Friday Harbor!).

3. Sun Lakes Resort – Coulee City, WA
The site of our annual Fire Family campout. We love the set up here with a sprawling campground (and cabins if that’s your thing). Great place for walks, bike rides, and beautiful hills surrounding the lake. The waterfront beach is not huge so a better option if you have a boat or other water vehicles. Don’t make the mistake of packing too much food because they’re waterfront food stand is 10/10 (mocha milkshakes, fries, and even biscuits and gravy for breakfast).

The view of Sun Lakes Resort from above.

4. Skokomish Park – Hoodsport, WA
We stumbled upon this park last summer and wished we had stayed longer. Great sites and a quick walk to Lake Cushman which was beautiful and quiet, especially with an amazing set of mountains surrounding. The boys loved jumping off the cliffs and I really appreciated quiet mornings on the paddle board!

Lake Cushman – a 3 second walk from our campsite.

5. Concrete KOA – Concrete, WA
The most family friendly park around. Great options for kiddos like a heated pool, jumping pillow and mini golf course. I also appreciate how close to home this park is and a quick drive anywhere you need to go.

6. Crescent Beach RV Park – Port Angeles, WA
This park was a pleasant surprise – you are parked right across from a sandy beach and it’s beautiful from sunrise to sunset, even in rainy PNW weather. There are also some great hiking trails close by with amazing views.

Wading through the bay at Crescent Beach.

Heading east –
7. Ravenwood RV Park (Silverwood) – Athol, ID
We have stayed at Silverwood campground before (and it was great and so convenient to the park) but happened on Ravenwood two summers ago and really appreciated the large pool. We weren’t going to Silverwood but there is a free shuttle which is a plus.

8. Missoula KOA – Missoula, MT
We stopped over just for one night here but it was one of the best KOA’s we’ve seen in our trailer days. Has a fun pool and two hot tubs, plus some fun motor vehicles to rent and drive around the park. This KOA had a variety of sites for any type of camping – the cabins and tent sites looked amazing. They also had an indoor pool and some other great group camping spaces and gathering places.

9. Fairmont RV Resort – Anaconda, MT
We stayed at the Fairmont resort two summers ago and fell in love with the hot springs pools, amazing hot tub, huge water slide for the kiddos and indoor pools when the weather wasn’t great. When we made our reservation, we had no idea there was an RV park right down the road that gave you free admittance to the pools when you stayed there! We plan on heading here for Spring Break and we’re excited!

View of the pool, hot tub, and massive water slide at Fairmont.

5/40 On how you view yourself from the inside out

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My grandmother has said some very wise words to me throughout my 39 years on this earth so her quotes may show up more than once here in my 40 moments/lessons list.

Today’s lesson is something she said to me a while back (I don’t even remember the context) but I have thought about it multiple times since she said it and repeat it back to folks often.

She said to me (when I must have been talking about a realization that I was getting older) “you always view yourself from the inside as if you were 21.”

And I find it so true!!! That’s why it’s so shocking when you throw your back out….or the grey hairs show up….or you realize the entire Super Bowl half time show is to make “the older generation” happy.

Oh low rise jeans.

To commemorate these wise words, a few photos from my 21st year without many cares in the world and before I learned a whole lot of hard life lessons (comments such as “you look exactly the same” and “wow I can’t believe that was 20 years ago” strongly encouraged).

Me and cousin Cara at my grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary party!
Most of my 21st year was spent in this outfit.
Lifelong friends!
My 21st birthday party in Pullman!
Not much has changed.

On “self-care” being weaponized against us

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As many of you know, I am a big encourager of self-care. Prioritizing your own basic needs of movement water, connection and rest ALONG with your other priorities. Since the pandemic has started, the pendulum has swung aggressively the other way, weaponizing self-care as “toxic positivity” and even oppressive in some circles (education included).

I think taking care of one’s self, both physically and emotionally shouldn’t need a label. And the fact that it does and we have to remind folks to attend to their own self IS PART OF THE PROBLEM. We have adapted to daily schedules in our society that are so busy, hectic and focused on performance, work and social status that individuals are forgetting that their body and brain need to be healthy enough to even do those things in the first place!

How I operationally define self-care is really just focusing on self-awareness leading to healthy habits. I stop long enough to see what my body, brain and heart needs during specific moments of the day….and then throughout my week and schedule, I actually and intentionally give my self those things.That’s it!

How do I focus on awareness? Stop, meditate, be still, turn off the podcast/music while driving, read personal development books, free write/blog, go to bed early so my mind can wander (and hopefully not turn into sleep-stealing anxiety), etc.

Without awareness, we don’t know what to self-regulate. Without an ability to self-regulate, many people then start to self-medicate (typically in harmful ways to our physical and mental health).

The other piece of self-care that I don’t think gets talked about often enough is setting and adapting your own personal standards of “success” or “good enough.” This is the truest form of love (as quoted in the image above) – being humble enough to shift your own standards of good enough so your actually are good (and healthy and whole and connected to folks that also love you).

One example of this is my goal with exercise this year – as a former athlete, I have some interesting habitual thoughts when it comes to “working out” and fitness. That post could be an entire novel on its own but some of my disordered thinking about exercise and movement has blocked my motivation to even want to do it at all. So this year, after coming to terms with some of that, I am LOWERING my standards of what I think daily exercise should/could/would look like for me. Instead, my goal each day is just 20 minutes of movement. Even if that movement doesn’t make me sweat, doesn’t burn enough calories, isn’t cutesy enough to post on social media, etc. And I have found that just the simple mindset shift of this has made me actually feel more accomplished (and consistent) that what I was expecting of myself previously.

So with that, I will just summarize with this – whatever self-care is to you, I hope you lean into it. I hope you MAKE time for your self this week, this month, this year….and I hope those moments reinforce the narrative that you are important and of value alongside everyone else you’re caring for. Healthy habits Tik Tok

I consider Tik Tok creativity my self-care on some days (okay all days).

4/40 On living alone…

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Recently, I have been getting feedback from others like “wow you are so self-aware” or “that’s great that you can recognize that” when sharing about my personal life. And while I appreciated the comments, I started to wonder where this seemingly elevated sense of self-awareness might have come from – part of my role as a school counselor is to help build and encourage this awareness and I love any research having to do with this topic so why not examine my own?

Some of you may recognize this wall art….

I have always felt connected to my inner thoughts so I’m guessing the natural urge to become a counselor developed from that. But living alone in my 20’s after the start of my career is where I can pinpoint starting a loving and kind relationship with myself….learning how I work best, rest best, restore my strength when I need to….ON MY OWN with no other crutches or people there to rely on for this work (although let’s be honest I was with my HSLP Elke 90% of this time anyway). This experience was a lesson that I still reflect on when navigating my own stress levels and emotional world.

As an extrovert and highly social person, many people told me I would hate living alone….but I truly LOVED it. I still love alone time to this day…..restorative moments in my room with the door closed or a weekend away in my trailer are activities that I now work into my schedule intentionally to keep myself whole and happy.

When I’m talking to young adults, I try and encourage them to try living on their own for a bit, knowing the beauty and self-compassion that can come from focusing on nothing but one’s own self.

Have you ever lived on your own? What did you discover? Or….how do you create this same experience if you’re always living with others (alone time built in, morning routines, etc.?) I would love to hear!

On the butterfly and her cocoon

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The new movie, Encanto, has the most beautiful soundtrack….I have loved reading about the meaning behind the songs that are sung entirely in Spanish. This one and its meaning struck me in a big way so I thought I would share the lyrics along with a picture of my current grief.

And as I was listening to this song during a Peloton ride, the instructor said, “the butterfly never holds on to the cocoon – no matter how long it kept it safe and warm.” Breathe in……let go…..accept what is…..repeat.

Dos Oruguitas
Two little caterpillars in love
They spend their nights and early mornings
Full of hunger
They keep walking and navigating a world
That changes and keeps changing
Navigating a world
That changes and keeps changing

Two little caterpillars stop the wind
As they hold each other with warmth and consent
They keep growing, but they don’t know when
To look for a corner shelter
The time keeps changing
They are inseperable
And the time keeps changing

Oh little caterpillars, don’t hold on each other anymore
You have to grow apart and come back
That’s the way forward
Miracles are coming, chrysalises are coming
You have to leave and build your own future

Oh little caterpillars, don’t hold on each other anymore
You have to grow apart and come back
That’s the way forward
Miracles are coming, chrysalises are coming
You have to leave and build your own future

Two little caterpillars feeling disoriented
In two cocoons all bundled up
With new dreams they’re already lacking
All you have to do is do what is necessary
In the world that keeps changing
Knocking down its walls

And then our miracle is coming
Our miracle
Our miracle
Our miracle

Oh, butterflies, don’t hold on each other anymore
You have to grow apart and come back
That’s the way forward

You are already finding miracles, breaking chrysalises
You have to fly, and you have to find
Your own future

Oh, butterflies, don’t hold on each other anymore
You have to grow apart and come back
That’s the way forward

You are already finding miracles, breaking chrysalises
You have to fly, and you have to find
Your own future

Oh, butterflies, don’t hold on each other anymore
You have to grow apart and come back
That’s the way forward

You are already finding miracles, breaking chrysalises
You have to fly, and you have to find
Your own future

3/40 On a professional learning moment

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When I was in grad school, my parents, who had been married for 25+ years were going through what I would consider to be a messy divorce. And learning about how to support children with family changes as a school counselor and then living it as an adult child out of the home was particularly difficult for me.

I had a hard time managing my own boundaries with supporting my family and their needs…..plus finding the energy to put forth effort into my graduate studies and assignments.

When having a 1-on-1 discussion with one of my professors at the time, who I respect very much, she told me that in the future as a professional, “there will always be crises and pressures outside of work that are going to affect your emotions. You have to find a way to cope and manage those so you can show up to work and do what’s best for students.”

I was only 24 at the time….and I remember being super bitter at this professor for saying this. I felt like she was dismissing my pain. Not realizing the impact of my family falling apart…..and telling me that I needed to “buck up and be tougher.”

But NOW, 15 years under my best as a school counselor…..8 years as a mom to kiddos with significant trauma needs….and just life in general – WOW I realize her words are so incredibly true. Life, as an adult with a family, is just a constant rotation of joyous moments and heartbreaks. Life, as an elementary school counselor has the same roller coaster feel most days. You don’t turn off the “mom” hat when going to work. And it’s hard to turn off the “educator” heart when driving home for the day.

I feel that one of my strengths I’ve developed over the years is my own emotional BOUNDARIES – I can be incredibly upset about something happening at home AND show up with joy and compassion at school for my students. I had a student intern ask me how I developed this…..and it just came with time. And a large toolbox of coping strategies (mindfulness, daily movement, support network, alone time, cognitive self-talk and reminders of my worth) that I rely on daily.

With that being said, compassion fatigue and burn-out are HARSH realities for educators….and I have felt those at times throughout my career. But I also think there are skills and habits we can learn that help us move through those times and keep on keeping on…..with a little help from our friends and role models of course.

This image really struck out to me as being helpful when navigating this constant push towards “work-life balance”:

Working on my wellbeing is always something I can improve on…..lowering my standards of what this looks like and maintaining daily habits is incredibly important to me. Side hustle commercial break: Our wellness community is doing a fun little online event focusing on these habits – if you’re interested in this class (and some oily freebies from me!) – click here to register.

Although I had a negative reaction at the time, her words are still very important to me as I reflect on showing up for both my school and home family in the healthiest way I can……and just like Mr. Larson in my first story, I appreciate a mentor’s willingness to say something hard and be faced with potential conflict, knowing it might push the receiver to a healthier and greater place as a result.

On dopamine boosts this January

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Throughout the past two years, as my family and I have been struggling through some ruptures and bouts with depression, I have come to rely on savoring small moments of joy or activities that give me a quick boost in the middle of days (or nights when I’m laying awake)! And per usual, if there’s not a pic or a blog post, did they even really exist in the first place?

Teacher Style Box
I found this subscription clothing service through instagram and stalked their page for a good long while before committing. And I have loved MOST of the clothes that have come my way….here’s how it works: you pick the pieces you want to be saved in your closet. They send you two pieces a time. You wear (or purchase to keep) and then send back for cleaning.

Rented pants. New boots from Christmas. Rainbow tee shirt? It was a good outfit day.
Bag and label ready to go!
Banana republic slacks. Cute top.

Using this service has really kept me invested in choosing fun outfits for work. PLUS, I don’t have official statistics on this – but it has actually made me do less online shopping and browsing because I’m excited to pair things already in my closet with my TSB pieces. AND if I want to try something trendy but not sure if it will be a good fit for my body, I can always order it from this service and just send it back after trying! Check it out here if you’re interested ($10 off your first month!).

Blog book
Each January, I get excited to print my blog posts into physical print. Although no one around here ever looks at them, I dream of future generations pawing through them and gasping at outfits/hair and reading some thoughts of their (great, great) grandmother living during this crazy time. I switched to a new company just to try a different format and I fell in love – now I have to fight off the urge to get all of my old books printed just like these ones. We’ll see how long I can hold off.

Beautiful cover.
Monthly title pages.

The pages are thick and beautiful. The text and photos are laid out in magazine style which I love. Plus, at the beginning of each book, they take all of your photos and make a double page collage layout – my favorite part of the whole thing!!!

My little scrapbooker’s heart is so happy looking at this!

Writing for me has always been therapeutic….and now putting that writing into this blog and then printing into books feels beautifully creative – just like scrapbooking did. But all of it really is summed up in a love for STORYTELLING. Living my life, capturing photos and words, and fitting them back together is the purpose of this blog and I’m happy you’re here to share the journey with me.

Tik Tok
If you’ve been around me at all in the last two five months, you know I am always humming Tik Tok songs and have been creating ridiculous videos just really because they make me laugh. Then I promised a student that if she met a few goals we set together, I’d make a TT with her. And then she did. And then we did. And then that video ended up getting over 90,000 views in a matter of days!!! Isn’t that madness?

Haha…..I’m not really sure how videos do on here but I’ll try and post it so you can peek at this viral masterpiece.

Isn’t it the cutest?!?! Also, yes she’s a 4th grader. Yes, she’s very tall. Yes, I’ve already recruited her for volleyball. The end.

Stay tuned for probably more Tik Tok fun….I try to pretend like it’s not a big deal but I’m obsessed.

2/40 On a fave volleyball moment

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When I asked my husband what he thought some of my moments would be for this series, his answers were typical life milestones (“our wedding, getting the kids, 3rd in state for volleyball”) and must to his surprise, none of those were actually on my list.

While I love a good milestone and celebration (especially if there is a reason for obnoxiously large balloons) – I am hoping to capture smaller moments that might not register to others outside of my circle when they occur.

One such moment in my volleyball career includes a team that did not place at the state tournament. It was the first year we won the district championship and some of our lessons and training in selflessness and teamwork that this story will highlight may have very well contributed to that success.

This particular season, we had a player on our team that was truly the light and joy of our squad. Not your “typical” athlete or volleyball player and without volleyball, some of my players probably never would have met this player or been friends with her (not because of negative qualities, just different circles and high school interests). But her uniqueness, humor and personality was something to be remembered.

At a team bonding event before matches began, around a campfire, players were sharing their goals and hopes for the season. This particular player went a different route then her teammates, not sharing any performance or post-season goals, but that her particular goal was to continue growing relationships with her teammates because “it was the first time she ever felt like she belonged.” (yes I was teary).

Fast forward a month later…..I get a ton of excited texts on a Thursday morning from what seemed like my entire team. This very same player was VOTED HOMECOMING QUEEN for the entire high school. Dressed all fancy and paraded in front of the school during the school-wide assembly with the pride of a champion. And her teammates, equally proud could barely contain their excitement both that morning and at practice that day. Turns out, the entire team rallied as her campaign committee to share her light and her importance to their classmates and got the school to recognize someone that might have flown under the radar otherwise.

Although it’s a small story, it’s a story about the importance of a team. The value of athletics and extra-curricular opportunities for kids in school. The importance of teaching character as a coach. How, in our program, we value everyone’s unique role and contribution to the greater good and accept folks for who they are, not just how they help us win. I don’t know all the specifics and behind the scenes work that this took. And that’s part of why this moment stands out to me – I had nothing to do with the idea or the orchestration of the campaign and the outcome. I, along with my newly crowned Queen, just got to live in the magic of others’ kindness…..beautiful thing.